Rugby for fairies...pre-playoff talk

Finally finished taking a dump after all that crap I ate over the weekend. The NYF Giants were in the next stall.

Not to blame the Giants' awful display vs Carolina on Eli, but, if the Giants insist on paying off his contract, they should use all the suckers' PSL money to move all of Eli's salary to the uncapped year. I'll bet y'all muthafuckas think the Giant's really got suckered there, huh? As always, the fans are the real suckers; specifically, the real suckers were those who paid the PSLs. Because, after all, it was the expectation of that suckers' money that enabled the deal.

Those mooks at the NFL currently recognize Denver as 5th, the Jets as 6th and Baltimore as 7th in the AFC. Of course, if all threee win, it's the Jets 5th, the Ravens 6th and the Broncos bounced. Apparently, in a three-way tie between the Ravens, Broncos and Jets, they have to go down to the common opponents tie-breaker. The Jets would win that at 4-1. They would then revert to head-to-head to sort out 6th place, which the Ravens hold. The NFL's Mumbai customer service rep-level programmers can't write code that recognizes that the three teams will have the necessary 4 common opponents after this week, so its ranking currently ignores that tie-breaker.

It's quite likely that the wild-card round will have three rematches from the previous week. If they could somehow rig it so that Houston loses to New England...and the Steelers, Broncos, Ravens, Jaguars, the Lakers, man united, Scunthorpe, Inter, Tottenham, Real Madrid, Barca and Valladolid all lose, all four will be rematches. Have fun selling this week's games.

Actually, they might not need the Jaguars.

In its myopia, NBC decided to flex the Bengals-Jets game (in 20-degrees and wind) because the Jets have to win to get in...with Ochocinco on the sideline drawing "don't fine me" signs and fucking with Jets fans (that aught to be something) for the entire second half. In front of the whole country, Cinci half-assing it just enough so that they get the Jets back at their place the following week is going to look real good.

On the subject of selling, NBC should have flexed Eagles-Cowboys for the Division and an Eagles bye. If either of them are serious about getting to the Bowl, there's sure to be more fight for that one.

I still have the vig-money left over from last year's hoo-haa, so we might as well go at this again. Ususally, Bokolis only listens to the NFL on the radio during my Sunday drives. I may get a few series in here and there, but I only watch during the playoffs. Given the three impending rematches, I'll have to start watching early this year.

Every Week should be Browns v Lions

The Hater Nation- always get a kick out of the SoCal boys giving the Northeasterners shit; y'all had us at the weather and you've kept the hot birds and sent the average ones east- may have stumbled onto brilliance in suggesting that the Browns and Lions, on the heels of that barnburner, play for the number one draft pick on the Sunday before the Super Bowl.

I'm assuming the winner gets the pick. Of course, with two wins, the Lions would be out of this year's running, as Cleveland, Tampa Bay and St. Louis all currently have one apiece.

One hurdle is that, if this is a neutral (Super Bowl) site deal, who would show up? If it works out that no one shows up for this year's Pro-Bowl, they might consider a double-header. Even better, because no one should have to sit through 6 or 7 hours of low-level rugby for fairies- with the talent pool trained, we don't need a full sixty of an all-star game and we certainly don't need a full sixty of 2-14 or 1-15 teams- ratchet up the intensity by making both games 30 minutes.

Getting a television audience should not be an issue, as Americans fiend for the gridiron version and go through withdrawal during the lag. We'll leave it to the marketing folks as to how to fill the joint.

Dog gone; son of a...

For some reason, my Yahoo page gives me Atlanta news. I see an AJC link that the University of Georgia bulldog mascot died of a heart attack. I thought it strange to see a juxtaposition of "dog" and "heart attack" and everybody loves a good train wreck, so I had to read it.

Not having gone to a D-1 school, Bokolis doesn't get the fuss over college sports. I suppose people romanticize over their alma mater for the same reason birds love Mexican/beach-themed bars; it brings them back to their younger, care-free days. In the case of the birds, it reminds them of the time(s) they got their brains fucked out in Cancun. Regardless, I'll bet there's 24-hour coverage of this down in Athens.

" 'We had no warning whatsoever.'...In fact, Uga VII had just been given a clean bill of health from the UGA vet school a week earlier." That the dog was a fat fuck wasn't a tip off, huh?

Now, Bokolis is a pragmatic guy and, conceding that they HAVE to have a mascot, I think about how they will proceed.

"Uga VII's sudden passing causes a predicament. There will be no time to find his replacement before Saturday's home game against Kentucky. So the Bulldogs will have to play without a bulldog." Apparently, they don't have junkyards in Georgia. But, I think the bulldog held on field goals.

It get's better; they have to have a blood relative as a stand-in. "...plan to have an interim dog in place for the Georgia Tech game...a thorough search of Uga VII's extensive brood of heirs will commence as soon as possible." Thankfully, they won't have to do this when qEII passes on. Queen Anne is shit-out of luck.

"Georgia has played under interim mascots before...Otto was called to fill in for his younger brother Uga IV, who had injured a hind knee jumping off a hotel bed." Uga IV was listed on the injury report, too. No doubt, this was after a romp with some fine-ass bitch. He must have taken license in the war story, saying that he blew out his knee while humping. Like Drew Bledsoe in the AFC Championship game, it was big of Otto to step up after being passed over.

"The mascots are interred in a mausoleum...in...Sanford Stadium. Georgia is the only university in the nation to bury its mascots within the confines of its stadium." Well, as long as we're treating the dogs like royalty, why not? But, wherethefuck does Notre Dame bury its leprechauns? They have a touchdown Jesus. It's not out of the realm that they'd do some shit like this. At least Georgia completes the cycle of lunacy. Bokolis was planning a Bucket List-type cremation and stash at 20,000 feet, but it's likely that I'll wind up as worm food like most.

It's ya boy Bangs

So I got friends that, not unlike half the blogging public, spend all their time searching for stupid shit on Youtube.  They found this guy.  The guy is from Sudan and has apparently recently moved to Melbourne (Australia, not Florida).  Without commenting on his flow or the audio and video production, if this is not some Borat-type put on, guaranteed this muthafucka winds up with a major before too long.  He may wind up with a major regardless.  If Juvenile can get a deal, anybody can.  Bokolis will do his little part; but his flow speaks for itself, doesn't it?  The album drops Dec. 4.  Make sure you pick that up.

Maybe he can take Liz to the movies.  Bokolis will be jealous.

Liz, call me!

As the world has been digesting this, Bokolis has let it marinate. Meet Elizabeth Lambert...looking like JACK Lambert (Jack Lambert does have a daughter named Elizabeth...just a coincidence) and showing Kassidy Shumway and Carlee Payne who is boss. Lambert is close to Laimbeer, no? Bokolis is smitten.

I could use a bird like this on my co-ed squad. I've already got a butcher, but this one makes mine look like Lady Byng. Like Maldini, I'm a left back carrying on as a center back/libero. If I had two butchers at the back, I could get back out on the wing instead of pretending to be Baresi.

Anyone who has ever played sports with birds knows that, unlike the guys, who know the unspoken code to not bring outside stress to the pitch and are there to get away from it, birds take their issues to the pitch and out on whomever is there.

Not wholly unlike the tobacco companies running anti-smoking ads, the self-proclaimed "world wide leader" glorifies this behavior by airing it (including two slo-mo shots of the hair pull). None of us need to be reminded that this behavior is unacceptable, but we've now seen that at least one player pretty much got away with it for 90 minutes (suspension? well, the season's over, isn't it?)...and ESPN got a cheap pop out of it.

Disregarding the cheap shots, Lambert committed at least two red card offenses during play. That the referee let those go no doubt spurred her on. The booking, which came late, was for a comparatively light offense.

Not that I'd feel sorry for either of the BYU birds. Shumway didn't forget to embellish on that hair pull; it surely had Drogba practicing in the mirror. Whether the referee sanctioned Lambert is not relevant; they baited her, so they have to accept the reaction. I imagine Shumway is going GI Jane for the rest of BYU's season.

If they let the kid from Oregon come back for a post-game sucker-punch and subsequent tirade, they can let Liz here come back for some in-game antics.

And, certainly not least, if this bird is so rough in a football match, imagine what a tiger she must be in the bedroom (and all over the house, for that matter). Liz, if you're ever in the Apple, you know ;-/

Vicious Cyclist

On the day the Apple will re-elect a carpetbagging cunt from Boston, Bokolis figures he'll talk about one of the fruits of his labor. The ubiquity of bicyclists has been brought about by the Mayor's continuing efforts to emasculate the city and create more traffic in places where there wasn't enough of it.

The cafe-style seating by Herald Square and by 14th and 9th is bad enough. but, we've now got bike lanes all over the city, even on side streets. Just about every street south of 14th has one.

Given such impetus, the cyclists have their cunts up in the air. They don't follow the rules of the road, they drive in your blind spots, think you're supposed to see them and have the balls to talk shit on top of it. I tell them- cause these muthafuckas gotta learn- when the train's coming, get the fuck off the tracks.

Tangent alert!
Global warning and greenhouse gases be damned, Bokolis drives just about everywhere. While I have no problem running the equivalent of a few miles on a soccer pitch or 15 or so miles on the exercise bike, walking 3 blocks to my destination is out of the question. Even when hopping around in the city, unless the prospect of finding parking is so daunting, I will drive to the next stopoff. These 20-something birds look at me like I'm the type of guy who would kick their puppy...with that air of, damn, I might have liked this guy, but that is such a dick move. I don't explain myself because I don't give a fuck. Once you start reacting to birds you're done being a man. It's all good, though, because birds like that don't shave their box (what about those greenhouse gases, right?), meaning they were never in play.
/tangent alert

Most people would bemoan the lack of a legislation reining in these jagoffs; not Bokolis. The last thing Bokolis wants is more rules. I might just be pissed because I can't hammer down in the city like I'm used to.

That extends to enforcement of such rules, even for these muthafuckas. So, I was disgusted when I got an e-mail this morning (from the same homeboy...it may seem that Bokolis only has one friend...as I've explained, I keep them electronically limited...just one friend with my work e-mail) that a friend of mine was ticketed for running a red light while on her way to work...on her bicycle.

Boy, those are some desperate cops. With all the shit going on in Brooklyn, is this what they're enforcing? For taking a bite out of the working man's ass, they should be embarrassed. Williamsburg has already got Skid Row written all over its future. Perhaps they'd like that neighborhood (not Williamsburg) to go back to the way it was, when thugs, thugs who had no problem clipping one of them, rolled chumps in the streets.

She should have never handed over ID. I've always felt that, most of the times a cop gives you a ticket, you've been hustled. This is no exception. That would drive me crazy. I definitely would have gotten into a confrontation because I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.

Aside- Now, you may use one of those PBA cards that your cop friends give you. Using one of those would go against a lot of Bokolis' principles. Besides, as I used to tell my cop friends (back when I had them) when they'd offer a card, they don't want me telling other cops that I know them. I'm a true friend.

But, as it was said in a bad movie, there's no such thing as a cake walk in Brooklyn. In this case, it's one more reason not to bike.

Not so cut and dried

Same homeboy from previous posts, e-mailing me about having conflicting feelings on who should win. He now would prefer that the philthies win because he won't have to hear it from their fans like he would from Yankees fans.

He was offered a ticket (at face value) to Game 6. He asked for advice on what he should do with it. I told him either go or pass. Then we got into the series. Here's most of what I mustered, left clean for Corporate Big Brother's filters.

The best result would be for the Yankees to get shut down by Petey. They would be soiling themselves with angst at the prospect of a Game 7.

For me, the indignity of a city with a severe second-city complex putting one over on NY far outweighs the fallout from a Yankee victory.

They really messed up by starting Burnett yesterday. I could tell from the first pitch that he didn't have it. I was 100% sure after the first batter.

We didn't discuss it, but I was an advocate of starting Gaudin over lining up Burnett, Pettitte and CC to go on short rest. Punting the game would have been a more viable option, especially with a soft bottom of the order. The only issue with Gaudin would have been if he would have been knocked out so early so as to tax the bullpen. With a day off, that wouldn't have mattered and, as it turned out, he couldn't have done worse than Burnett. Knowing that he would only have to go 4 or 5 innings, I'm sure Gaudin would have done no worse than 3-run ball. That 3-run ball might have won them the game is beside the point.

They'll make the argument that, as it turned out, they had the tying run up twice...yeah, after being down by 6 going into the 8th. That's like being down 4-0, scoring 1 in the 88th, two more in stoppage time, have time for one more long ball from your own end with the keeper in the box, having it cleared out, the final whistle blowing with your opponent running toward your empty goal, and telling me you had a chance to salvage a draw.

On short rest, it's no guarantee that Pettitte's stuff will be any better than last time. The question is, will Pedro's smoke-and-mirror act work twice? As it is now, if they lose again tomorrow, they'll be saying, we got CC in Game 7, but, inside they'll be nervous. They'll be $h!tting bricks when, down by two in the B8 of Game 7, they see Cliff Lee on the mound for to get the last 6 outs.

Don't hate the player, hate the fan

The Yankees fan lashes out to insulate from his misery and insecurities. Miserable bastards that they are, they cannot enjoy victory without you feeling as bad as they would have had they lost.

Had the Angels gone all the way, their fans could have gotten through the rest of their days from the magic carpet ride, especially given the Adenhart situation. If the philthies went all the way...bad example; the philthies fan didn't know that his team had won until a fan of the other team was finally able to congratulate him before he got punched in the face.

For the Yankees fan to go on that magic carpet ride, you'd have to replicate 1996, which followed over 10 years of a pretty-much garbage product. At that point, most of those assholes were still waiting on the line to jump on the bandwagon.

For them, winning the World Series is typically a slightly better than break-even event. Anything less is a disaster. They have all that firepower, yet whinge about needing to sign Mauer after next season. And, as evidenced from the talk shows around here this past weekend, winning this World Series wouldn't even get them square because they've had to endure two Red Sox championships and the indignity of blowing a 3-0 lead to them.

So, when they lash out at fans of the losing teams, they are simply projecting their own misery onto the rest of us.

I gotcha demons right here

As Bokolis has told many people, too much firepower. Continuing on the previous post, my buddy agreed that, with Pettitte and CC against Saunders and ??, it was a moot point.

Girardi again tried to squeeze more outs out of his starter. It was almost a carbon copy of Game 5. He got an out (just about) in the 7th, followed by a hit, at which point he went to Joba, just like Bokolis (see last post) would've done in Game 5. Of course, it seems like a much smarter idea when Joba comes in and gets two outs from 7 pitches. It also helps when Jeter boots the grounder and it goes straight to Cano, who was on the bag.

While the Yankees got the breaks and the bounces, they have too much firepower. I see them as a half-notch below a super team (not playing especially well and with a middling manager) that, despite blunted firepower- 2 HR in three games, one of them a short porch special- because the ball is not carrying, took all three at home.

The ending would have been much more interesting had the halos not flubbed the two SAC bunts. Mo wasn't that sharp and I thought the halos were on him. Having scratched out one, they must have felt they could get one more. But, I see all the mistakes they made as their inevitable succumbing to the pressure of having to play against such a strong team. While you can argue that they could/should have won Game 2, I could argue that they shouldn't have won any. So the two games Girardi gifted them is probably a good result in the end.

Moving on, it's not impossible for the philthies to win here. They are the holders and can match up firepower closely enough. They even have a horse that can match CC and there's no indication that the Yankees will play much better than they have. But, the philthies are going to find out the hard way that they're not playing the Mets. Uncle Chollie's bad moves figure to, at the least, neutralize Girardi's, they have no idea what they'll get out of Pedro and Hamels and I have no faith in anyone in that pen...to the point that, assuming that they could get Lee out after 7, I'll spot the philthies a 2 run lead after 7 in every game and would still bet on a sweep.

I'd want some odds, though. Yankees in 6, carbon copy of the LCS.

Demons?

One of my homeboys, a Mets fan who holds far more venom for the Yankees than I do, e-mails me asking if I think the Yankees will be feeling the demons of '04 creeping up on them if they lose Game 6. What follows is what I could muster.

The Yankees lost both games because of Girardi, who is apparently a graduate of the Willie Randolph school of pitching management. I've been saying for years that, except for a LOOGY, (and in a BIG spot at that) these managers are crazy for shuttling pitchers in and out during innings like they do. He totally mismanages Joba and Hughes and he's a muppet for trying to squeeze extra outs from his starters.

You can argue whether he should have sent out Burnett for the 7th. But, Girardi's rationale was shyte. He said that Burnett had only thrown 80 pitches through six, so he was good to go. Either he was now spent at 89 pitches (BS), or he preferred that Marte face Figgins and Aybar (more BS). Maybe he didn't want Burnett to go through the order a fourth time (even though that's pretty much why you signed him). But, if Girardi was going to send him out, he should have stuck with him...especially since Figgins was about to give him a free out. You have the option of walking Abreu and taking your chances against Hunter with Burnett, who had the ground ball working, rather than Hughes, with a two run lead and the DP in order.

He also messed up by playing Jeter- who is known to cheat to his left because his range up the middle is weak- so far in the hole against Vlad against a right-handed power pitcher.

Bottom line is, if you send him out there, the inning is his. He's either going to get out of the inning or leave trailing. The perfect example was the top of the inning, when Scioscia took Lackey out after 6-2/3 when Lackey hadn't given up a run. You saw Lackey's reaction...and you saw what happened. It's really too bad that their season didn't end that way, because it would probably have facilitated Lackey's free agency (to Flushing, God willing).

They got all they needed from Burnett, especially after a rocky 1st. Once they got the lead after a long T7, that should have been it. I would have sent out Joba to start the 7th with the lead, but really have no problem quickly pulling him because I think the way the Yankees have handled Joba has made him useless for the playoffs. Joba, Hughes, the LOOGY (you shouldn't be using a LOOGY to pitch to Abreu and to turn Figgins around)...the objective is to get out of the 7th any way possible because, once you get to 6 outs, with the next day off, Mo is in play.

The point of that rant is that they gave away two games, whereas the Red Sox took all four. Even if you see parallels, the Yankees have Pettitte and CC lined up, and the Angels don't exactly have Pedro and Schilling lined up and they don't have Ortiz and Manny steroid-up batting 3 and 4. And, if there were demons, I'm pretty sure CC could eat them.

It gets better...they did it again

What have we done to deserve such comedy? After enduring Phil Cuzzi's rather horrid fuck-up, Tim McClelland, with Jorge Posada and Robinson Cano as supporting actors, easily trumped Cuzzi.

Top of the 5th in last nights Yankees-Angels Game 4, 2nd and 3rd, one out, 2 already home on A-Rod's HR and Yankees slapping around Angels pitching: Swisher hits one back to the box. Posada, seemingly purposely gets hung up between 3rd and home.

With one out, the slow as dogshit and lazy as a dog Posada was going on contact- a bonehead play, but not relevant here. In breaking on a comebacker, it seemed his logic was that it was worth getting his ass off the basepaths to get Cano over to 3rd.

Uhhhh, Jorge, it's really only worth it if Swisher also gets to second. You force the catcher to throw back to 3rd and have the 3B haul ass to chase you home. But, no matter, you lazy cunt, we'll go with your logic.

Posada, after waving Cano on, apparently losing the battle with his ego, retreats back to 3rd to die. In doing so, he obviously forgot that Cano has the baseball savvy of a doorknob and that he'd be confused as to what to do when two players converge on the same base. Posada also showed his lack of baseball savvy by not considering that he, and not Cano, is entitled to 3rd base. With both of them standing on 3rd, Cano would be tagged out, defeating Posada's "point" of getting hung up.

Of course, reality played out even better than theory. Not only does Cano decide not to set foot on 3rd, Posada deliberately overruns the base. As the picture above- apparently owned or some shit by Getty images- shows, neither of them are on the base, and Angels catcher Mike Napoli tags both of these muppets.

This was far too much for McClelland to process. He called Posada out and Cano safe. To make things worse, they now show replays at the ball park (I know I don't go to many games any more but, whenthefuck did this happen?), so the fans went apeshit.

Mind you, this was on the back of ruling that Swisher left early on an apparent SAC fly by (Melky?). Replays showed that McClelland was not looking at Swisher when he left 3rd and was not in good position to see both the catch and the tag-up. This was minutes after the 2nd base umpire blew the call when Swisher was picked off.

No so quick stories:  Back in the day when Bokolis played ball, two of the umps were ex-Major Leaguers.  It was mind boggling how many close calls these guys missed.  They we're worse than some of the other shlubs that were umping just to get out of the house.  One time, our opponent tried to turn two on a ground ball.  They got one out but the other reached.  I don't remember who was who; all I remember was that the ex-ML ump blew both of the calls.  I was coaching 3rd. I said to their 3B that he blew both calls.  He thought about it for about a second and a half, then agreed and chuckled.

Another time, there was a similar play to McClelland's, involving the other ex-MLer.  I'm again coaching 3rd.  I set myself up to watch the play, the runner on 3rd AND the ump, who I saw was not watching the runner.  Of course, he blew the call.  I lace into him and let him know that I was looking right at him and know that he didn't see the play.  He got tight, telling me to "shut the fuck up."

It relates to McClelland because of McClelland's reputation.  McClelland is a big guy, even by today's standards.  In his earlier days, it was understood that he could kick the shit out of most players.  So, even when he blew his fair share of calls, no one fucked with him.  Scioscia, who hit the bigs about the same time as McClelland, didn't give him shit in the argument, in  situation where he needed to get ejected.

Neither Joe Buck, who is as clueless as he is useless, and Tim McCarver, whom the game has passed by, had the balls to say that McClelland's call on Swisher was a make-up call for the botched call on the pick-off.

It's probably for the best.  Another story:  I once got into it with the (first) ump from above.  I watched him botch a play from the on-deck circle where, similar to the first play above, there were multiple things going on and he blew both of them, ultimately calling my guy out when he was safe on that play, but should have been out earlier in the play.  I walked through the play and asked him what he saw...took about 10 seconds.  When he gave me a shit explanation, I took the first pitch and muttered "make-up call."  He called time and, with me smiling, proceeded to ream me a new one.

The experience was worth it; Bokolis learned that officials, whether umpires, referees or judges, are as lazy, if not lazier, than the next guy, and call whatever the fuck they want.  There is a lot of shit they don't see, so you have to pick up on that in your argument.  Your argument should involve gaming them for the next call.  If you think they have it for you, then you stand up to them.

God is a Yankees fan

The Yankees went up 2-0 in the ALDS, defeating the Twins 4-3 in 11 on Texeira's game winning HR to lead off the Bottom 11th. That it was game winner, as opposed to game tying (or merely getting them closer) shot, has much to do with a blown fair/foul call on Joe Mauer's fly ball down the line during Top 11.

those pictures may be owned or something by Getty images. Hopefully, they won't get too bent out of shape that I'm using them here.

As any Yankees fan- probably one of those guys that screams at you to take off your hat during God Bless America, or screams at a guy in a military uniform to take off his hat during the national anthem- will tell you, they are God's team and they would've won anyway. Though God had nothing to do with having Mijares in the game, God must have seen to it that some (DNA) got in Phil (s)Cuzzi's eye at just the right time. See the kicked up dirt a little below and to the right of center: that's where the ball bounced.

Of course, this is just the latest and a glaring example of a blown call that everybody could see. If you were focused, you saw it fair live; calls don't get worse than that...and they blow a lot of calls.

That will surely drum up renewed calls for expansion of instant replay.  Whether the umpires make the call from a viewing booth- which should be in open view, between the end of the net and where Giuliani sits- or it comes down from a command center at MLB (someone Bokolis knows has offered himself up for the job), it's not that hard to pull off. I could draw out the logistics of how it should be done, but that misses the point. Until proper replay is set up, the whole thing is little more than WWF (I use the erstwhile name, not whateverthefuck they call themselves now).

Now, if Cuzzi and C.B. Bucknor- who blew at least 3 calls at 1B in Game 1 of halos-sox- were on the same crew, I'd think that every call- every dust-off of home plate for that matter- would be subject to video review.

Keepin' it Real Goes Awry

Continuing on an earlier theme, Bokolis takes a slightly more than passing interest in tennis. The draw for me, aside from the bodies on these birds, is that you're on the clock, alone; no coach and, the cunt moves notwithstanding, no strategy session timeouts.

So, I've written about Williams Brother Serena being the pimp of women's tennis. This past evening, she tried to pimp-slap someone with a trust fund, so to speak. Of course, her target is not part of the game, so she effectively got herself DQed, sending Clijsters to the final.

Aside - Clijsters is a personal favorite of Bokolis. Her old man was a footballer and she was built like the proverbial brick shithouse, albeit less so nowadays. She actually seems to be in better shape than before she gave birth. Big up yourself Kim, I'm happy to see you back, but this isn't about you.

While there was no crip walk, I'm pretty sure I saw Serena flash the Wu-Tang sign at some point. Bokolis will break it down worthy of Serena's pimp hand.

The high-brow world (READ: mainstream media) will overdramatize this tirade as a "meltdown." They will show the clip and bleep out the bombs so as to make it appear bestial, as if she lost control and was really on the brink of shoving that ball in the official's mouth. It's being called an "ugly" display.

This is because we're slowly turning into the English that are turning into the French. And, we are NEVER supposed to question authority, much less ream them the occasional new one.

Jehovah couldn't have been too happy with her vernacular (check the handbook; I'm not up on how they take to cuss words and swearing to God), but, of course, that's all bullshit. What's ugly, apart from that troll (and Serena, for that matter), is that, on the grandest stage, this is who is officiating.

Tangent Alert!
This isn't the first time Bokolis has seen a Black person use this tactic when a call goes against them. I'm not saying that this is unique to Blacks (White people probably do it too; they're probably more cunty about it) and I'm not saying it's done just because of one inopportune event. I AM saying though, that they got that shit down good. Having grown up in the 'hood, I've seen it done enough times to know it's a contrived tactic, good old-fashioned intimidation. Until I figured out the gimmick, it worked on me a few times. Both before and after, I've seen it work on many other people.

End of Tangent Alert

How do most people act when they have to take shit from people who don't know what it is? More to the point, if you were a professional athlete, and you had to take shit from someone like that troll...hold on. Whether Serena stepped on the baseline is debatable at best. You can't tell me that the troll could even count her own fingers in front of her face, let alone make line calls at a Grand Slam event. And you can't tell me that she is capable of critical thought. This was disproved when she made that phantom foot fault call on a second serve at 5-6, 15-30. In that situation, the server would have to be stepping just about at the service line for you to make that call.

We may selectively bite our tongues with our bosses but, depending on our capacity for confrontation, will set it on some chump that is either, fucking with us or too stupid to be out there. Because, rightly so, if someone is at the pinnacle of their profession, why should they expect to be around people at anything less than the pinnacle of theirs? So, is Serena supposed to sit idly by while some troll interjects herself into the match?

The prevailing sentiment is that the tirade cost her the match. The tirade didn't cost Serena the match. Clijsters whupped her. The tirade happened to come on match point. We are the victims here. We were robbed out of seeing Serena try to battle out of that pickle...and, you just know she would have fought like hell to save that match. In the end, Bokolis has to give Serena credit for taking the ruling in stride.

While Serena dials it up for the majors, tennis is just another thing in her life. As such, she may not have qualms about pissing away a major to stomp someone the fuck out. Whether it was that, or Serena merely standing up for herself, this was a tactic, not a meltdown.

Kicking a Dead Horse's Ass

Lifted this from Barry Ritholtz' site, complete with symbolic posting time. 9/11 is as good as time as any to point out how Dubya crashed the Bus. In my view, it's symbolic because Bokolis sees Obama as the second plane.


Baby Bush: The Worst President in History?
By Doug Casey

I recognize that I’ve antagonized many subscribers over the years with “Bush Bashing.” In the January TCR, just after OBAMA!’s election, I said I wouldn’t mention Bush again, his departure having made him irrelevant. I only feel bad that he and his minions will apparently get away scot-free with their crimes; better they had all been brought up before a tribunal and tried for crimes against humanity in general and the U.S. Constitution in particular. But that is objectively true of almost all presidents since at least Lincoln.

Most of our subscribers appear to be libertarians or classical liberals — i.e., people who believe in a maximum of both social and economic freedom for the individual. The next largest group are “conservatives.” It’s a bit harder to define a conservative. Is it someone who atavistically just wants to conserve the existing order of things (either now, or perhaps as they perceived them 50, or 100, or 200, or however many years ago)? Or is a conservative someone who believes in limiting social freedoms (generally that means suppressing things like sex, drugs, outré clothing and customs, and bad- mouthing the government) while claiming to support economic freedoms (although with considerable caveats and exceptions)? It’s unclear to me what, if any, philosophical foundation conservatism, by whatever definition, rests on.

Which leads me to the question: Why do conservatives seem to have this warm and fuzzy feeling for George W. Bush? I can only speculate it’s because Bush liked to talk a lot about freedom and traditional American values, and did so in such an ungrammatical way that it made him seem sincere. Bush’s tendency to fumble words and concepts contrasted to Clinton’s eloquence, which made him look “slick.”

I’m forced to the conclusion that what “conservatives” like about Bush is his style, such as it was. Because the only good thing I can recall that Bush ever did was to shepherd through some tax cuts. But even these were targeted and piecemeal, tossing bones to favored interests, rather than any principled abolition of any levies or a wholesale cut in rates.
Is it possible that Bush was actually the worst president ever? I’d say he’s a strong contender. He started out with a gigantic lie — that he would cut the size of government, reduce taxes, and stay out of foreign wars — and things got much worse from there.

Let’s look at just some of the highpoints in the catalog of disasters the Bush regime created:

• No Child Left Behind. Forget about abolishing the Department of Education. Bush made the federal government a much more intrusive and costly part of local schools. Project Safe Neighborhood

• Project Safe Neighborhoods. A draconian law that further guts the 2nd Amendment, like 20,000 other unconstitutional gun laws before it.

• Medicare Prescription Drug Benefit. This the largest expansion of the welfare state since LBJ and will cost the already bankrupt Medicare system trillions more.

• Sarbanes-Oxley Act. Possibly the most expensive and restrictive change to the securities laws since the ‘30s. A major reason why companies will either stay private or go public outside the U.S.

• Katrina. A total disaster of bureaucratic mismanagement, featuring martial law.

• Ownership Society. The immediate root of the current financial crisis lies in Bush’s encouragement of easy credit to everybody and inflating the housing market.

• Nationalizations and Bailouts. In response to the crisis he created, he nationalized Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and passed by far the largest bailouts in U.S. history (until OBAMA!).

• Free-Speech Zones. Originally a device for keeping war protesters away when Bush appeared on camera, they’re now used to herd.

• The Patriot Act. This 132-page bill, presented for passage only 45 days after 9/11 (how is it possible to write something of that size and complexity in only 45 days?) basically allows the government to do whatever it wishes with its subjects. Warrantless searches. All kinds of communications monitoring. Greatly expanded asset forfeiture provisions.

• The War on Terror. The scope of the War on Drugs (which Bush also expanded) is exceeded only by the war on nobody in particular but on a tactic. It’s become a cause of mass hysteria and an excuse for the government doing anything.

• Invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq. Bush started two completely pointless, counterproductive, and immensely expensive wars, neither of which has any prospect of ending anytime soon.

• Dept. of Homeland Security. This is the largest and most dangerous of all agencies, now with its own gigantic campus in Washington, DC. It will never go away and centralizes the functions of a police state.

• Guantanamo. Hundreds of individuals, most of them (like the Uighurs recently in the news) guilty only of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, are incarcerated for years. A precedent is set for anyone who is accused of being an “enemy combatant” to be completely deprived of any rights at all.

• Abu Ghraib and Torture. After imprisoning scores of thousands of foreign nationals, Bush made it a U.S. policy to use torture to extract information, based on a suspicion or nothing but a guard’s whim. This is certainly one of the most damaging things to the reputation of the U.S. ever. It says to the world, “We stand for nothing.”

• The No-Fly List. His administration has placed the names of over a million people on this list, and it’s still growing at about 20,000 a month. I promise it will be used for other purposes in the future…

• The TSA. Somehow the Bush cabal found 50,000 middle-aged people who were willing to go through their fellow citizens’ dirty laundry and take themselves quite seriously. God forbid you’re not polite to them…

• Farm Subsidies. Farm subsidies are the antithesis of the free market. Rather than trying to abolish or cut them back, Bush signed a record $190 billion farm bill.

• Legislative Free Ride. And he vetoed less of what Congress did than any other president in history. The only reason I can imagine why a person who is not “evil” (to use a word he favored), completely uninformed, or thoughtless would favor Bush is because he wasn’t a Democrat. Not that there’s any real difference between the two parties anymore…

As disastrous as he was, I rather hate to put him in competition for “worst president” in the company of Lincoln, McKinley, Wilson, the two Roosevelts, Truman, Johnson, and Nixon. He is simply too small a character — psychologically aberrant, ignorant, unintelligent, shallow, duplicitous, small-minded — to merit inclusion in any list.

On second thought, looking over that list of his personal characteristics, he’s probably most like FDR, except he lacked FDR’s polish and rhetorical skills. I suspect he’ll just fade away as a non-entity, recognized as an embarrassment. Not even worth the trouble of hanging by his heels from a lamp post, although Americans aren’t (yet) accustomed to doing that to their leaders.

Those who once supported him will, at least if they have any circumspection and intellectual honesty, feel shame at how dim they were to have been duped by a nobody.

The worst shame of Bush — worse than the spending, the new agencies, the torture, or the wars — is that he used so much pro-liberty and pro-free-market rhetoric in the very process of destroying those institutions. That makes his actions ten times worse than if an avowed socialist had done the same thing. People will blame the full suite of disasters Bush caused on the free market simply because Bush constantly said he believed in it.

And he’s left OBAMA! with a fantastic starting point for what I expect to be even greater intrusions into your life and finances. Eventually, the Bush era will look like The Good Old Days. But only in the way that the Romans looked back with nostalgia on Tiberius and Claudius And then Nero. And then the first of many imperial coups and civil wars.

Adebayor, Adebayyooorr...

Because I wouldn't go near the site on my own, here's some shit a friend sent me from Fox Sports.

"Manchester City are reportedly planning to raise their concern with (fmc)
officials about a racist Emmanuel Adebayor chant...City are aware of an Adebayor
chant circulating on the internet."

That would be this one- there are others- sure to be taken down any minute. Before we get to the racist aspect, "...circulating on the internet..." Uhhh, like the Internet just hatched up this chant. Like, because everybody learned it on the Internet because, like, nobody was watching the match that day when a whole section of the stadium serenaded him whilst he was stretchered off.

Give me a break; this was all down to a bunch of possibly liquored-up Yids looking to flip the script on the Gooners. If the "Internet" had thought it up, it would have been far more creative.

I wonder if this is typical high-brow cunt semantics.  

Only the targets get to decide on the racist nature of the slung mud...apart from Bokolis, of course. Certainly not some cunt club official, not the FA, or Sepp Blatter or Platini.  Well, they can, but who gives a fuck.

So, just how racist is this?  This aught to be fun.  Maybe, not as much fun as Chris Rock delineating the acceptable use of the word "nigger" by White people, but he mailed in Kill the Messenger, so you never know.

Here's the deal.  One of the characteristics of racism is that the shit is slung down the social ladder (I would use the term "human hierarchy," but that would acknowledge the existence of a hierarchy and "social ladder" makes for a better metaphor).  That's why, when Black people say that White people can't dance, jump, etc., nobody considers it racism.  People that blanket the term on any shit thing that happens are implying that Adebayor is not only further down the social ladder from the slingers, but that he is further down the social ladder from the blanketers themselves, admitting (without acknowledging) their own racism.

Adebayor, in a football shirt, is in no way down the social ladder from the patrons, who are marks.  Adebayor is the bigger man, so the marks' taunting means nothing unless Adebayor makes it more.  To do so, he would have to sink to the marks' level.  

Before anyone runs off thinking they have license to sing, consider the point about the target.  Good luck convincing your Black neighbor, co-worker, etc., that they shouldn't take it as racist.

Now, if that song is sung to Adebayor while he's in jeans and gators, you lose the luxury of slinging insults without accountability.  Besides, if you go around doing shit like that, you have other shit going on that you need to address.

But, leaving aside all the qualifications, is it racist?  Here's the text:

Adebayor, Adebayor, his dad washes elephants and his mum's a whore.

Nope.  Hey, this a lot of things- which I'm not going to discuss, but calling it racism is lazy.  I presume we're on the same rung of the social latter these days, so you'd have to be kicking someone down the social ladder.  Unless you're implying that he has no choice but to wash elephants, telling an African immigrant that his dad washes elephants (presumably in Africa) does not do that.

That said,  if you're a descendant of people that used to trade humans (or accepted it), understand that you don't get to say shit like this. Granted, it's easy for me to say because it wasn't none of my ancestors.  If you go around slinging shit like this or the Sol Campbell song (Sol, wherever he may be, doesn't realize that, as long as he shows that it gets under his skin, it's never going to stop), there's a pretty good chance that, for many other reasons, you're racist.

Are You Ready for Some Foootbaaaalll!!! 2009-10

Normally, Bokolis doesn't care about the part of the football season played before the group stage of the Champions League. But, the FAs insist on starting the season earlier and earlier each year. The EPL is going to be at least 5 games in before September and they are playing a Milan Derby in August. I know we're in a WC season, but c'mon.

Anyway, I've had to adjust accordingly. This is a new era for the red and black fist, so I've had to assess the damage. Well, I've already assessed the damage; I'm just logging my assessment.

Maldini has finally been allowed to go home and they cashed in Kaká, so Ancelotti correctly figured that this would be a good time as any to get the fuck out of there. So, were left with a Ninja Turtle in charge...errr, yeah, but may as well be. They are now left with a bunch of second rate Brazilians who may as well be on holiday. Just like Milan floundered when Baresi retired, so too will they now. It may be worse now because there are no winners left. Well, there's Gattuso and Seedorf...exactly. Nesta is the only one that so much as masquerades as a quality Italian defender. Ambrosini swears he's good enough to play more than part time. Pirlo is the new Albertini; utterly useless.

We turn to Liverpool, which have, in Tom Hicks, roughly the football equivalent of the Wilpons as (one of) its owner(s). Because, like most deals where Dubya is the seller, it was probably a rigged deal, Bokolis won't go so far as to say that, having purchased the Texas Rangers from the second dumbest man on Earth, Hicks is indeed the dumbest man on Earth. He may be, but I won't let it enter into the analysis.

Like the Wilpons, Hicks and Gillette were keen to cash in on the new stadium payday.

As with the Wilpons, a funny thing happened on the way to the windfall. Both were stung by the prevailing economic conditions. Wilpon's attendance was hurt by the Wall St. set having fallen on hard times, a shit team and its plight and falling victim, to the tune of, depending on who you believe, anywhere from $300MM to $700MM, to Bernie Madoff. The credit shitstorm led to the financing pool drying up on Hicks and Gillette.

So, while Wilpon managed to get his homage to the Brooklyn Dodgers completed, all Hicks and Gillette have is a deed and (can someone go check) broken ground. Liverpool supporters are seething and they want the Yanks to go home, ostensibly in favor of some Dubai group (as if having some nouveau riche Arabs as owners should inspire confidence in management).

What's worse for Hicks and Gillette, they put in place short-term financing, figuring they'd have the place built by now. Those notes are now coming due and they don't really have the scratch. That means, of course, that they've had to sell off some talent. Most notably, while Madrid were throwing around money, Xabi Alonso was sold off for 30 million. That's quid.

Of course, they couldn't replace him, so they're stuck for creativity in midfield and they didn't have any wing play to begin with. This creates messes on the field. And, when those messes are created, Stevie G relegates himself to running around to clean up. He does it just fine but- talk about misplaced resources- it comes at the expense of destroying any semblance of flow.

Nonetheless, I figured that they could do enough so that, with Poof-naldo also moving to Madrid, the filthy manc cunts (fmcs) would slip even more, that Arsenal and Chelski would not gain enough to put the League out of reach. The fmcs have indeed slipped but, after seeing today's match with Arsenal, Fergie must have also taken out a line of credit on his deal with the devil.

So, it's not even September and it seems that both leagues- never mind the Champions League, which is what matters most to Bokolis- are already fucked. Since the fmcs have equalled Liverpool's 18 Leagues and stand an excellent chance of overtaking, the final piece of shit-talking is, what the fuck took you so long?

Who's the pitchers in this game?

For Zach and Lozo.

George Brett kicking it about shitting himself, which may be an after-effect of his infamous hemorrhoids, which itself might or might not be an after-effect of his long rumored switch-hitting.

What.A.Dick.

http://www.dallasnews.com/video/index.html?nvid=345818&shu=1

Video link. This is unbelieveable. Ryan Moats, who happens to be a running back currently on the Houston Texans roster, was pulled over by Dallas police for running a red light, just as he was arriving at a hospital (with his wife and other family memebers) to pay last respects to his on-virtually-her-last-gasp-dying mother-in-law.

The dirty copper- whom Bokolis won't do the honor of naming; he's Bubba- pulls him over and keeps him there for 13 minutes, scolding and threatening him and brandishing his weapon (unseen). Of course, the mother-in-law had expired by the time he finally arrived to see her.

I'd like to think that Bubba was sharp enough (I know...stop right there) to, as they say, put two and two together- blinkers on, racing towards a hospital, people disregarding his directives- and figure out that the may be something more going on than some asshole running a red light.

So, is this cop utterly incapable of critical thought or, racial overtones aside, was he just being a dick? Even in Texas, people aren't that obtuse, right? It didn't even register when Moats' wife just bounced.

Of course, Al Sharpton should be arriving any minute to call for Bubba's head. Indeed, it wouldn't be irrational to think that Bubba may have taken a little extra pleasure from doing this to a Black dude. Cop haters and still others may think he's such a dick that he should be shit-canned.



I'll tell you straight up; Bokolis doesn't think much of the vast majority of cops. I bristle at the idea of police, but understand that it is necessary to have these fuckers around. That said, they're not exactly the best and brightest we have...these are some dumb muthafuckas, even the cool ones.

The vicious cycle is that you're not going to attract the best and brightest when the job pays like it does and they spend their days around other scumbags. It's a decidedly unfulfilling job. The best part of that job is retirement, more of an incentive to play prevent defense than to work.

More soberly, Bubba does give a black eye to all the decent cops. Moreover, there is nothing in that video that indicates that Bubba has the skill-set necessary to be an effective police officer. Even after the fact, he thinks he handled it appropriately.

Ryan Moats showed a lot of restraint as Bubba pissed on his dignity. Still, because he wasn't able to expedite matters, the end result was that he wasn't able to say goodbye to his mother-in-law, which was kind of the whole point. Everybody gather around now, Bokolis will explain how you get a cop's brain in gear.

Moats, disregarding Bubba as his wife did, could have walked directly in view of the dash-cam and explained how, because he really has a dying mother-in-law in the hospital, "You're going to look like the world's biggest douchebag when this goes public." Climbing on the hood, calling Bubba a dickhead for effect and/or mentioning that he plays in the NFL are optional.

If Moats were as cynical as I, he could have waited until just before walking away from his 13-minute brow-beating to explain how, because he's in the NFL and people would want to know the circumstances of the evening, this was bound to get out...and when it did, Bubba was going to be, as Tony explains to Seidelbaum, working in Alaska, so dress warm.

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

As in 12:01 AM. I had to stop so I could go to work...possibly an argument for Proposition 317. Actually, I'm against it because traffic was light this morning. I may have still been loaded on the way in this morning. Thankfully, they don't have checkpoints set up at 7 AM. As I always tell people, the best way to push off for the rebound and not get called is to push off before the shot, when the dude isn't ready and the refs aren't looking. When I wasn't boxing them into the pole, that's how a cat of average height like myself would get the rebounds on 6-3 muthafuckas.

Normally, I don't go out on St. Paddy's Day, as it is a designated amateur night. But, since I'm taking off the rest of the week, I'm about to resume festivities.

Shall we dance?

The only thing that makes college BB any less fucked up than college football is the tournament. But, not by much.

So who got snubbed? Who got a tug-job? The Big Picture offers Arizona vs St. Mary's vs Wisconsin. St. Mary's was denied because...small schools don't travel well, do they? I mean their fans' travel capacity, which could (smirk) have had something to do with it. It's not much of a surprise that one of them (Wisky) wound up in Boise, where it wasn't already sold out (when I looked for tickets a few weeks ago) and the other (Arizona), as a proven draw, was sent East. Don't forget, it's a circus.

I'm sort of an apologist for Arizona. But, you'll have a hard time convincing me that the Big Ten should have 4 teams in the dance, much less 7. As explained above, it is because they travel well, as, not only are their alumni all over the country, people that live in Big Ten country need little reason to want to get the fuck out of there for a few days.

After all these years, it's JUST occurred to me how, because they let so many teams in from the same conference (7 each from the ACC, Big East and Big Ten), they have to seed so that teams from the same onference don't wind up on the same side of a regional.

Given that no Big East team is seeded lower than 6th, they must have drawn a line in the sand at 7 teams. They probably could have dumped a couple of more teams into the dance. It's definitely pandering. This is like one of those family gatherings, where instead of your serviceable cousins (you're allowed to rut 2nd cousins, right...right?), you get stuck having to dance with your, old, fat aunt; every year, she looks older and fatter, but you can't get out of it. The Big Ten is your old, fat aunt.

In any event, I don't see the logic of letting at-large teams directly into the tournament while two conference champions have to win a play-in game. It should be Arizona vs Wisky (or similar) on Tuesday night.

So, how do we fix this? Let in more teams, of course. You can let in teams from smaller conferences that may have dominated the regular season, but faltered in the conference tournament, and some teams from mid-majors. That will surely take the total up, out of bitching-range. The third best team from a small conference, a middling mid-major, the 8th place team from the Big 10 can't say shit, because none can viably claim that they are better than one another.

Structure the tournament like the English FA cup, where the top teams don't play the opening rounds. I would have 76 teams in total. The first round starts with 24 teams. The second round would be 32 teams; 20 teams added to the 12 survivors. For the third round, 16 teams would be added to the 16 advancing from second round. The fourth round would be 16 more teams added to the 16 advancing teams, making for a 32-team, 5-round knockout stage.

That renders useless the already-pointless conference tournaments, which only reward the slackers for getting hot at the right time. I've also added two rounds to the dance, yet reduced the top teams' workload by one round. The bracketology douchebags at the worldwide leader will be jerking off all over themselves.

The Tournament and some Ancient History

The computer caught a virus. I've been busy. I can't really do this shit at work any more. Y'all saw the Bowl, right. We're still not sure that Santonio Holmes (never mind whether he should have been penalized for his LeBron>Garnett>Jordan talcum powder bit) came down in bounds...and the tuck rule should have applied to Warner's fumble...as well as a 15 yard penalty for taking off the helmet. I don't have that kind of Hate in me any longer.

Ancient history out the way...I wouldn't have covered regardless...(pause, memory jogged) oh yeah...I had Cards 3, Steelers 0, muthafucka. For shits and giggles (these pools are not my thing), we quickly filled up a pool (about 15 dudes and 10 birds (the birds stayed upstairs, of course, but came down for the endgame). When it was 20 - 14 and the Cards had the ball, I told the room that the safety and the TD were coming. The punt was downed on the one. I get the safety. But, I knew I was sunk when Fitzgerald broke free with so much time. The Cards hadn't made a defensive stand all year.

Oh yeah, and I dominated my once-a-year dabbling at rugby for fairies. 25-45 for about 260 (only a 60-yd field, but I hit 3 50-yard passes), 3TD 2INT and made 3 picks on D, one to the house. I would have hooked up your fantasy team like a muthafucka. All right, now the ancient history is out the way.

It's that time of year when we all get the unofficially sanctioned chance to fuck off at work...NCAA Tournament pools. The enterprising sort might, as was suggested, have told himself that this was going to be the year he would follow college hoops to fill out kick-ass brackets. I tried that one year, nailed 14 out of the last 15 games, and still didn't win. I've since decided that the bragging rights and caysh aren't worth it.

But I did catch the last 5 minutes and first four OTs of last night's 'cuse - UConn epic. We were post-gamin' at some joint, only planning to hang out until midnight. My homeboy's bird works in a SBUX {{location redacted}} close to the bar. My buddy drives them both home, in exchange for some complicated drink. I don't know the name of it; if a strawberry daquiri is a pink pussy, this was, like, a Palestinian pussy or some shit.

With the game running past closing time, my (unemployed) homeboy calls up his bird and tells her to walk over to the bar- pimp hand, right?- under the pretense that three of us were 'cuse alumni. My buddy had on an orange sweater, so it was plausible. I appreciated the pimp-hand move, so I asked my homeboy if she comes home each day saying, "Bitch, where's my dinner?" He replied that he does the asking...nice!

She comes walking in (probably around the 3rd OT) with SBUX goodies. My buddy would have sat through 10 OTs, but I was bailing after the 4th, no matter what (I was tired from the previous night's bender). They all followed my lead. My homeboy immediately told me that his bird thanks me for getting my buddy to leave. I told him, next time, she knows who gets the coffee. I could have used it, as I just about made it home.

Rugby for fairies, the Bowl

As previously noted, 6-4 on the picks, 16% ROA, guaranteed to finish in the money.

I've got to point this out because I've been tossing around this one for the whole while, but don't have a feel. The Giants beat both of these teams in their own parks...f'n Plaxico.

Steelers (-6 1/2) over Cardinals - It's tough to go against the best player on the field and against a team that has run out to big leads in its last two games. The Steelers have a truly sick defense. I would think that, given two weeks to prepare, Dick Lebeau will put together something to control Larry Fitzgerald. Of course, given that Fitzgerald has already broken postseason receiving records, this is easier said than done. It's made more difficult because Polamalu is more a linebacker than an over-the-top safety.

Just like the game against the Ravens, 6 1/2 is a big number to lay. Nonetheless, I feel the Steelers have the defense to handle the challenge and the offense to match anything the Cards put up. That tells me the odds are in the Steelers' favor. If they could cover in a defensive struggle against the Ravens, they can cover in a shootout.

That said, I'd much prefer that the Cards win. All right, I'm off to play rugby for fairies...hey, it's an once-per-year obligation. You'd think that, since all these cats are 5-10 years younger, I'd be dominated into retirement. Not yet, bruh. I fuck with some real ruggers in real life. For the fairies version, this set of cats'll be retired before I will.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

Why would a guy that calls American football "rugby for fairies" kick it about tennis? As an old night owl, live sports in the wee hours is the shit like the McDonald's that used to be on Fulton, back in the day. Because it gave me something to do, over the years, I've tuned in to the Aussie Open.

Federer is- allegedly- the best player of all-time. As I type, he's in the final, attempting to tie Sampras for most majors. Let's say that he's at least 50-50 to eventually overtake Sampras. The problem with calling Federer the best ever is that his finals opponent, Nadal, consistently brings out the bitch in him.

Nobody ever brought out the bitch in Sampras. Even on clay, where playing must have felt as futile as trying to run on ice, it was like, aren't you supposed to used this stuff to make pottery or some shit. Of course, the clay is in France. The French tried their hardest to bring out the bitch in Sampras. They would have succeeded when they beat him in the Davis Cup, but, as they proved by the ensuing Yannick Noah-led conga line (or whateverthefuck it was), in any situation, the frogs are always the cunts.

Personally, I like Federer to Nadal. I'm sure it's been said that Nadal looks like Vega from Street Fighter. But, he reminds me of Poof-naldo...I just can't be down with that.

Anyway, Nadal's advantage over everybody else is the intense pressure he puts on his opponents. I mean, I can't imagine that tennis players are the toughest bunch of cats. Nadal's physical prowess is the exception. For the most part, everybody buckles. Federer, pimp of the year for about the last six, is unfazed and well-equipped to withstand Nadal. Federer has exposed that Nadal is just a guy who can run down shots, not a tennis player. The tennis player is supposed to win that fight, but imtimidation invariably creeps into the mindset.

And, Federer has got to get himself a hotter bird. I mean, she's cute, in a way that slightly overweight birds can be. But, c'mon!

All that said, I still think Federer will win, if only because Nadal can't have a full tank.

Let's cut the shit; the focus is more on the women, and not just because almost all the birds have smokin' hot bodies. The game is more to people's speed. But, aside from commenting on the birds' bodies, there isn't much to say. That's because, naturally, the top player doesn't have said smokin' hot body. She is all udders and rump. Because she can't be bothered to fully devote herself to her profession, half the time, she can't get in a serve or hit the ball straight. She takes off points, even games. But, Williams Brother Serena has the pimp hand strong. When it's winning time, she's smacked up more Russian birds than an Albanian mobster. All the while, the mom is mackin' in the players' box, obviously the head pimp in charge. Those are three ugly broads, BTW...the mother and the other Williams Brother.

Would you hire this man? Well, you did...TWICE.

He leaves as largely the same idiot he arrived, relieved to be back in Texas and seemingly oblivious to having run the nation into the ground. I took some measure of satisfaction from seeing Cheney leave in a wheelchair. Fitting and of not much consequence, if you ask me, as he would have had no one to whom he could wave. The only people loyal to Cheney operate in back rooms and cannot be exposed to daylight.

Most of this was e-mailed to me about half a year ago. I was saving it for today. I didn't edit for grammar. Though I didn't inject any Bushisms, any mistakes can be attributed to the spirit of Dubya. I added the most of the stuff about his failed oil dealings and sweetheart deals and pulled the last three bits from his "accomplishments" as President from here. I knew he was a soulless idiot 100 months ago, and I sure didn't "misunderestimate" him.

I will be available in January 2009, am willing to relocate.


RESUME

GEORGE WALKER BUSH

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:
I was a "cheerleader." I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was still accepted to grad school.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock, but I was bailed out and made chairman of another company.

When this company also failed, I was given a seat on the board at Harken Energy and about $500k in stock because of my perceived politiocal connections.

While serving as a director at Harken Energy, I sold stock in the company the day before the company announced $56 million losses. I was cleared of wrongdoing by SEC chairman Richard Breeden, a friend of the family who was nominated by my father.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. I paid for some debt using the profits gained from the abovementioned sale of Harken stock. I then sold the Texas Rangers in a sweetheart deal, netting almost $14 million profit from a $600k investment.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas .

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set t he record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. History to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. History.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. Stock market. To be fair, in terms of largest percentage drop (just under 25%), I am second to Hoover.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. History. My 'poorest millionaire,' Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. History and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. History.

I changed the U.S. Policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. History.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. History.

I am the first President in U.S. History to have the United Nations remove the U.S. From the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U. S. From the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. 'prisoners of war' detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical Bunker Buster,' a WMD.

I have failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

Unemployment is pressing remorselessly higher.

Industrial production is contracting at the wickedest rate in 35 years, the retail business is in the dumps almost across the board.

I leave office with the nation mired in the worst recession since the Great Depression; its end is by no means in sight.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

Rugby for fairies, conference championships

The Steelers rounded out the last four by doing what I expect of a home team during the playoffs. They set their mark. The had a large stretch where they just pounded the shit out of the Chargers. In Bokolis' mind, the Steelers are the clear favorites to win the Bowl.

On that note, last week's split (I did split, right?) leaves me at 4-4 for the post-season. Again, we'd only be into the book for the vigs. Onward!

CARDINALS (+4) over Eagles - The Eagles trounced the Cardinals in far different circumstances. Seemingly, both of them have an easier game this week. Kurt Warner has won both his NFC championships- both at home- while McNabb and Reid are 1 - 3, one of which was to Warner.

I think the Eagles will run out of steam in the desert. Sure, they defeated the Giants without getting anything from a banged-up Westbrook. But, their defense will have a lot more to do in this game. Brian Dawkins, tough as they come, didn't look so tough trying to tackle Brandon Jacobs. I don't think he'll be effective against Boldin...if he can even get close enough to hit him. They won't have the luxury of the elements making for an inept QB. They won't have the luxury of knowing that the opposing QB can't beat them. If Warner gets the chances Eli had early in that game he will take those chances. If the Giants could get open, the Cardinals, who know how to take the game to the defense, surely will. Getting 4 points is gravy.

STEELERS (-6) over Ravens - It's uncomfortable to lay six against the Ravens, especially after winning twice with them. They don't give up much more that six. But, as with the Eagles, this is a case where the Ravens will run out of steam. While they hit the Titans hard, they didn't exactly dominate. They were on the right side of the key plays and key calls. The puncher can't win every fight, especially when up against another bruiser at less than full strength. The Steelers have the big-play capability that the Dolphins and Titans did not, so I see them making the big plays here, with the Ravens fading in the second half.

Thank God I'm a Man

They left out the part about nuttin' on her blouse, instead of inside. We do think about that.

Thank God You're Still a Man

Here's another one. Genius that I am, I thought the urinal was a Blackberry. It took longer than I'd care to admit for me to figure it out. I used to be able to squat 500 lbs. - in the bucket - but I couldn't pull the hover move to save my ass (get it?).

Thank God You're a Man

What goes through your mind when someone says, "Let's go for a drink?" Click on the image to view in whole. These are from some beer ad campaign. Goldstar, apparently Israeli. Enjoy! The flow chart, not the beer. Whothefuck wants to drink Israeli beer? It's probably got white phosphorous in it.

This is Rickey, calling on behalf of Rickey

This is a little late by blogging standards, but I was celebrating Rickey Henderson's, a Bokolis favorite, election to the Hall of Fame.

The man's stats put him in lofty company...and, sometimes, without company. Note 50% more stolen bases than the number two guy.

If you back out IBB, he'd have the most walks.

Above all, he's also the leader in runs scored, which is the most direct means to the ultimate goal. If you're into the stat-geek category, he's listed as 10th all-time in Runs Created. Now, there are a boatload of methods to compute runs scored, but 7 of the 9 guys ahead of him are slugging royalty and the two that aren't are Ty Cobb and Pete Rose.

Strangely, the same school that devised the Runs Created stat above also purports that it's not worth trying to steal bases unless you're successful 90% of the time. Those stats can't fathom the pressure put on the other team by giving them more reason to worry...the pressure of holding him on, the pressure of repeatedly throwing over, that much more for the manager and catcher to consider when calling the game, the catcher's fear of firing the ball into the outfield, the middle infielders worrying about cheating to cover the bag, the holes the positioning opens, the pitcher's lapse of concentration on the batter.

It looks easy enough on TV that everybody takes all that for granted. None of that mattered to me when I grew up watching him play. I saw someone press the game like I had never seen. Yes, a non-pitcher can dominate a baseball game.

That's how I wanted to play. I loved it when I would piss off the other team by stealing 2nd and 3rd on consecutive pitches. Hey, I was a fast muthafucka when I was a kid. Even as a somewhat burly adult, I could still steal bases. I never had a quick first step, so the Rickey method of studying and reading the pitcher's tells so as to time the jump worked wonders for me.

Of course, as can be gleaned from the title of this post, Rickey was a character on a par with his abilities. Rickey was a bad muthafucka and didn't have a problem telling you as much. In fact, most people who hadn't come of age by 1993 probably remember Rickey more for his babbling and semi-coherent one-liners than for his game. Speaking in the third person is another thing Bokolis picked up from Rickey...and I do it in real life, no bullshit.

He has his own brand of gang signs. There was a day game a few years back, against the Giants in Frisco, where Rickey was in the stands to watch José Reyes, whom Rickey had taken under the wing. Reyes got on and motioned towards Rickey, indicating that he was going to steal second for Rickey. Rickey, in shades, nodded seeming approval, but with that air of, yiuh, but'chew still ain't as good as me, muthafucka. Reyes proceeded to steal second, and double-pointed back toward Rickey as if to dedicate the swipe. Rickey responded by flashing some indiscriminate gang signs...savage.

A well known story is one where, a year later, he was at another Giants game (I'm pretty sure it was also against the Mets because I was wondering where he was) and snagged himself a foul ball. The saps around him started clamoring for Rickey to give the ball to a nearby kid. Rickey, claiming it was his first foul ball, wasn't giving up the ball. People started razzing him, so he offered to autograph a ball for the kid. The kid took the autographed ball and threw it on the field in spite, to which the crowd gave a rousing cheer...bunch of punks. Fuck that kid.

The only story I can personally relate is from one time, in 2000, when I was sitting in the left field stands at Shea Stadium. Despite a strong '99 season, the Mets fans soured on Rickey. For starters, the team returned to the clubhouse after being eliminated from the NLCS to find Rickey playing cards (and, probably, drinking beers) with Bobby Bonilla.

Further, Rickey had a habit of procuring shit contracts for himself, having a strong first year, then attempting to renegotiate, getting pissed when they wouldn't rip up his shit deal, and sulking his way to a pedestrian season. His dealings with the Mets were no different. Pissed that he didn't get a new deal, he played like crap to start 2000, pissing and moaning all the while, until the Mets released him.

He got in a few games before they cut him loose. I was on hand for one, having copped some 3rd row seats (season ticket holders are quick to give up tickets to early season games, mainly because it is, errrr...was colder than a witch's tit in April at Shea). Rickey had done and said a lot of shit to alienate the fans and his play wasn't helping. The fans around me were fucking with him, yelling all sorts of shit out at him. I mean, they wouldn't fuck with visiting players like they were fucking with Rickey. Rickey took it all in stride, flashing his ring finger and yelling back, "Hall of Fame!"

Hall of Fame indeed, Rickey. Savor the flavor.