Friday, November 20, 2009

Dog gone; son of a...

For some reason, my Yahoo page gives me Atlanta news. I see an AJC link that the University of Georgia bulldog mascot died of a heart attack. I thought it strange to see a juxtaposition of "dog" and "heart attack" and everybody loves a good train wreck, so I had to read it.

Not having gone to a D-1 school, Bokolis doesn't get the fuss over college sports. I suppose people romanticize over their alma mater for the same reason birds love Mexican/beach-themed bars; it brings them back to their younger, care-free days. In the case of the birds, it reminds them of the time(s) they got their brains fucked out in Cancun. Regardless, I'll bet there's 24-hour coverage of this down in Athens.

" 'We had no warning whatsoever.'...In fact, Uga VII had just been given a clean bill of health from the UGA vet school a week earlier." That the dog was a fat fuck wasn't a tip off, huh?

Now, Bokolis is a pragmatic guy and, conceding that they HAVE to have a mascot, I think about how they will proceed.

"Uga VII's sudden passing causes a predicament. There will be no time to find his replacement before Saturday's home game against Kentucky. So the Bulldogs will have to play without a bulldog." Apparently, they don't have junkyards in Georgia. But, I think the bulldog held on field goals.

It get's better; they have to have a blood relative as a stand-in. "...plan to have an interim dog in place for the Georgia Tech game...a thorough search of Uga VII's extensive brood of heirs will commence as soon as possible." Thankfully, they won't have to do this when qEII passes on. Queen Anne is shit-out of luck.

"Georgia has played under interim mascots before...Otto was called to fill in for his younger brother Uga IV, who had injured a hind knee jumping off a hotel bed." Uga IV was listed on the injury report, too. No doubt, this was after a romp with some fine-ass bitch. He must have taken license in the war story, saying that he blew out his knee while humping. Like Drew Bledsoe in the AFC Championship game, it was big of Otto to step up after being passed over.

"The mascots are interred in a Stadium. Georgia is the only university in the nation to bury its mascots within the confines of its stadium." Well, as long as we're treating the dogs like royalty, why not? But, wherethefuck does Notre Dame bury its leprechauns? They have a touchdown Jesus. It's not out of the realm that they'd do some shit like this. At least Georgia completes the cycle of lunacy. Bokolis was planning a Bucket List-type cremation and stash at 20,000 feet, but it's likely that I'll wind up as worm food like most.

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