Monday, December 6, 2010

turn out the lights...

...the party's over.

No, Bokolis didn't die out there on the tarmac. The plane made it to where it was Matt Busby songs about me.

"Turn out the lights, the party's over," is what Dandy Don used to sing/croon/whatever- way back when- in the MNF booth when he figured a game was decided. Even though it meant my ass had to go to sleep, it never seemed to get old.

Unfortunately, he did, and he checked out on Dec. 5.

Among his other gems,

referring to Nixon as "Tricky Dick,"
way before Twitter and Facebook, changing his status to "mile-high" on the opening intro of a game in Denver,


as of an undefined point in the 1970's, not having met a fair hooker.

Suave, homes. While I'm stuck listening to Jon Gruden this evening, Bokolis will shoot one back for you.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


Preface: Found this siting in my drafts...from October 2010, after an extended period without posting. actually hit send on 5/7/12

No, Bokolis didn't die on that plane...or in that pseudo-tornado that hit the Apple three weeks back. Summers are usually a busy time- moreso at the fun job than at the real job- and it gets buckwild after Labor Day at the real job. That's all in addition to getting to the beach and living a full life. It all means that I don't have much time or will to organize methoughts. It's too bad- really- because I think of some good shit.

Now that Summer is but a memory and I'm sitting on the bowl, I can reflect on what happened. Of the title of this weblog should indicate that I'm not spilling the beans on anything good. Rather, I'll burn some pent up negative energy on discussing the miserable losers, the New York Mets.

As always, the failures of the 2010 season, like one of those upside-down planted tomatoes, are rooted at the top. Financially speaking, the Wilpons ran this franchise the way I would try to manage after a bad two-week gambling run back when I was in college. Having nothing left after paying off (or not even having it to pay off), I would do nothing but sit in the house and play video games in between work shifts. Certainly, no partying; leaving the house at all would lead to expenditures. I wouldn't even drive so as not to waste gas. I wouldn't train so as not to build up an appetite and not need to shower. In fact, if had the next day off of work, I wouldn't shower so as not to waste the toiletries.

There is probably more to add to those, but I've blacked out those memories. To be sure, gambling wasn't always bad to me. But I'm not going to tell tales of the winning or of the ensuing strip club outings...not on here, anyway. The point was to illustrate the piker mentality and counter-productivity of bunkering up.

After the Wilpon's own epic cock-up with Madoff, they've spent two seasons at their shrine to the Brooklyn Dodgers struggling to fill half the seats on weeknights. They've taken price gouging to a whole new level, charging different pricing not just for different "class" of games, but for seemingly every section in the place. Well, as an old associate of mine used to say, the fucking you give isn't going to be worth the fucking you're going to get.

Back to the Wilpons. They market going to the ballpark as an experience, rather than merely showing up to watch a ballgame. This includes having fun shit to do while at the game and a marked step up in concessions and food, with accessible-from-outside restaurants and bars built in. If that is the case, why the need to differentiate the classes of ballgames to such a degree? If the idea is to get people to spend (as much money as they did on the ticket) while at the game isn't it imperative that you fill the ball park?

A counter-argument can be made that, since the club farms out administration of all that stuff, there is no overhead cost to be borne by the club on underutilized concessions capacity. Let me know how the contract renegotiations go and let me know if you have problems with the crane getting the chimichurri truck up to the top deck.

After all, if no one shows up, what's to experience?

Monday, July 19, 2010

On the tarmac

I'm stuck on the tarmac at PHL, so I've got nothing better to do. Here goes off the phone.

As it turned out, homegirl bartender was in AC with the BF. How sweet! Nothing good to report from that night...I overdressed and got hit on by guys all night (no homo).

I went off the program on many counts, mainly because I was feeling myself. The night ended with me trying to kick it to the female cop stationed by my telly. She was pretty much a captive audience, so WTF.

The details are very hazy, so I can't say how close I came to getting thrown in the drunk tank. But the movement might still have ended in a collar for her. These three black dudes come of them on a bike. I say, in my best knockaround guy voice, watch these guys. Sure enough, the guy on the bike is a spazz, and he stumbles off the bike. A switchblade falls out of his back pocket. "OA!" exclaims the cop. "Right there!"

13 years out the hood and I can still pin out these muthafuckas. I walked right up the stairs, I think without saying good night.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Live undisclosed location on the East Coast...

Like Cheney's bunker, y'all'll have to guess. I mean two and two can be put together, but I still ain't saying. Because I forgot to bring my phone charger, I've had to come down to the car to recharge. Luckily, I have my laptop. The following is the world's gain, pre-gaming at 8PM and tipsy-inspired.

Spending a weekend in a beach town, the overarching theme is that, god...dayam, there are a lot of fat people in America. What balls on these people to waddle around looking like that, as if it's all right! I mean, Bokolis is not soccer-player skinny (despite being a soccer player, I look more like a rugger), but I look fucking good...not important though.

Well, it is semi-important because I'm about to relate some bullshit. I'm at the spot last night, working the place (I should mention that I hunt lone-wolf). I've been coming down here for years. The difference is that, this year, my trusty bartender is nowhere to be found. This is terrible, as she would keep me out of trouble.

I've previously (in the tipping post, one of my first) went though why it's important to have the bartender on your side. I hunt lone-wolf, because, quite frankly, a bartender is as good a wingman anyone could hope to have. I've had 4 good (non-bartender) wingmen (I'll call them my running partners) in my life. 4 is probably 3 more than most people...I know how to pick out quality and I'm a good guy to have around because nobody fucks around while I'm around. I've also had the need for 4 because they inevitably fall by the wayside to marriage, drugs, etc., etc.

Roping in the tangents, without my trusty bartender, I am exposed. I'm working the place, only to get accosted by a fat chic. It's a hazard of the game; Bokolis is put together and the fat broads consider me a great prize. In the ultra-long shot that I could rope in her two hot friends and under the theory that, when life throws you a lemon, you make lemonade (she wouldn't leave), I decide to engage her.

She's not quite the water buffalo in the ">Jerry Ball category (and, that's Jerry Ball from his SMU days, not the fat tub of shit that lined up for the Vikings), but she was plenty fat...but not ugly; justl like there's Irish girl cute, there's fat girl pretty.

Almost needless to say, Bokolis was not entertaining the thought of throwing her over the shoulder. But, I figured that she'd be good for warming up my game. Of course, she had different designs, but I've dealt with this before. Some breeze and a few pecks on the cheek later, she starts telling me how I'm the first white guy to whom she's ever been attracted. I immediately thought of the Nik Richie post on Amanda Bynes, where he commented that he loved how, as soon as white chics start getting fat, they automatically think they are attracted to black guys. My only reponse was that her womanly intution must have sensed that the purple crayons have nothing on Bokolis...I didn't use the term "purple crayon," but Bokolis is, at least in my head, a porn star. This bird treated herself to a feel and another peck.

Anyway, I eventually got rid of her. A quarter hour later, she was in the arms of a purple crayon. Some, somewhere along the line, some suitable talent starts working me. 21 and petite in a little black dress. Surely looking to get steamrollered. At some point, she instructs me to buy her a drink.

Many girls- girls that haven't yet graduated to bottle rat status- will chat up guys to work a free drink out of them. Of course, the money means nothing to Bokolis. I'd throw 2, 3 hundred, even a nickel on the table and proposition them, if only to remind them that they are just whoring themselves and to cut to the chase. I'm a little more chill than that and I don't think of it as paying for a drink. I'm paying for information, like calling a better hand just so you can see what the guy played.

Nonetheless, because guys should never give any woman what she wants when she asks for it, I string her along. She's a bartender (whythefuck isn't she working on Friday night?!?) in a little black dress. While I never pursue a bartender when she's working, under the theory that a salesman is the easiest person to sell because they will sell themselves, I've got this all worked out. Further boosting my cause, people actually knew her...and I engaged two of them (guy and his GF) to where they gave their implicit blessing.

This is all in the space of maybe 10 minutes...I got felt up yet again. I have the seal of approval, I'm's just a matter of closing.

But, in the end, as Joe Pesci explained in Casino, I fucked it all up. I waited too long to get her a drink, so she took it upon herself to order. She gets carded by my unfamiliar bartender because of a particular bracelet she was wearing. After an awkward moment, she asks me to order her drink. Too fucking late now, I'm thinking. She pulls out her ID to show me that she's 21 ("look! 1989!"). I looked, but, as I was about 12 drinks in, I couldn't settle my eyeballs to see shit. A bouncer quickly showed up and escorted her out. I went out there to try to work some magic, but it was only half-hearted. She was borderline hysterical and, even though the friends appreciated it even more, I knew I was sunk. It was abut 3AM, and she was too hysterical to even suggest the room party with her friends (and work the full swap), so I cut bait and headed back to port.

And, no, I didn't go looking for the fat chic. I sure hope my homegirl is working tonight...that NEVER would have happened if she was there.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Steinbrenner gone

The Boss- the one-man cult of micromanagement- is dead. D-O-E-N, done.

I'm getting "ding, dong, the witch is dead" messages left and right. Ironic, isn't it, how, while Yankees fans couldn't stand him before 1996 and non-Yankees fans couldn't stand him period, he leaves behind a world filled with Steinbrenner types.

For those for whom the end justifies the means, no victories are Pyrrhic. Suave, homes.

I thought Defecit

A lot of good shit gets kicked on Barry Ritholtz' site, but this morning's post on Deficit Chicken Hawks vs Ronald Reagan got me to thinking...the issue, not so much his words.

Anyway, why waste a good shit-talking rant on his comments?

With regard to the debt, it's not so much a question of "how do we fix it now" as much as "how does it ever get fixed."

How do we get in a positon where we can consistently run the surpluses necessary to tame the debt when a unique event drove the only surplus of the last 40 years?

Can we really become that much more productive so as to generate the revenues to pay it down? Of course we can't. Even if we could, all that extra liquidity would short-circuit the taco stand.

Can the government spend less? Those damned illegal aliens that are the real drain on our budget...or so the chain e-mails tell me. The pork and the war spending will never stop because they both feed addictions. And, even if no more goes into them, the damage is done from the bailouts.

So, who do we tell to go fuck themselves?

----Our debt holders (READ: China)? Do we sit around and wait for them to implode and then decide that we don't have to pay them? That'd be a neat trick, but might cause more problems than it solves. Maybe they'll just turn into us and spend away their credit. Ummm, leaving aside that, if they call in their markers, we've got a problem, where are they going to get the necessary crude? Yay, more war! Addiction fed.

----Our old people? Cut Social Security? Letting me opt-out of paying it? Weaning people off of it? Bahh, too easy and logical. Why not just clip them while were at it? Medicare is the real problem and people are living too long anyway. Maybe a buyout option...on their Social Security, not their lives, although paid to check out would be an interesting proposition.

----Our richer people? Pursuant to the above, let's say anyone that has made $200k/yr in any 5 years (or $100k in any 10 years) is disqualified from Social Security Benefits. Because, really, if you couldn't make that work into a nest egg, shame on do you like capitalism now?

----Our richest people? Essentially, this $13T+ debt is just the government giving away money to the richest people. It's time to give it back. I'm not talking 90% tax rates, but Gates having to fork over half his shit (fuck that charitable trust bullshit, give up the loot muthafucka) will weigh a lot less on him than it does on me when I have to fork over about a quarter of my earnings. Wait a minute...that's a quarter to Federal. State and local is another ~8%, FICA 7.65%, sales taxes, toll roads (somehow this became a separate "charge"), excise taxes. Muthafucka, I'm already forking over half my check. Woman, where's my torch and pitchfork?


The argument that it would hurt job creation will be ignored because what we call the Bush tax cuts didn't do anything for job creation. In fact, since I've been close enough to observe- which is to say, since the early '90s recession- rather than leveraging existing talent and manpower, all I've seen is companies looking to reduce headcount...and spending on technology accordingly. Granted, there aren't enough smart and driven people to go around. But, if the last 20 years have been spent trying to run leaner, from where will the necessary innovation come?

See, y'all muthafuckas fucked up the game by dumbing down this country. You couldn't build out if you wanted to because y'all're dealing with a bunch of dumbshits and each guy is a bigger dumbshit than the last (I believe the economists call that the law of diminishing returns). It's now on the government to spur growth by putting people to work to shore up the creaking infrastructure 'round this muthafucka.

But, you speak too loudly about that type of government spending and people will start throwing tea bags at your ass.

See, the lot of us were dumbed down to the point that we've come to depend on the corporation for a job. Because we can't see ourselves as the boss, we don't embrace our jobs as such, rendering ourselves limited to the table scraps, and thus are married to opposition of any policy that would upset the corporate apple cart. So, instead of fighting for policies that would employ and empower us, we fight for policies that empower our employer...all in the misguided notion that our employer will keep us around forever, in the misguided notion that depending on a private employer for work rather than on the government is somehow further up the road toward self determination.

Who do we tell to go fuck themselves? It was a rhetorical question; we've been fucking ourselves all along.

Of course, by "we," I mean y'all.

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Reign of Spain comes mainly off the Plain

I didn't get a chance to get on here to post a prediction, but the world already had that octopus. Nobody needed to hear it from Bokolis.

I was especially happy that it was Andres Iniesta who scored. He has been a personal favorite of Bokolis for a few years, despite that he plays for a club side that I don't support.

The consensus feedback from the pundits was that this was a drab, horrible Final. Such an assessment is expected, as they cater to the stupid and the marginal fan. While Bokolis would certainly agree that it wasn't pretty, I've told y'all plenty of times that pretty doesn't win. While my opinions may have the bias that comes with my preference for a physical game (I very rarely get called for fouls in real life, but it's mostly because I'm usually the strongest guy on the pitch and I am fast enough, my positioning and game reading good enough that I don't need to hack down the opposition), I think a player would appreciate what it takes to win the ball, settle yourself and create a game while people are trying to kick the shit out of's kind of like real life. It may have been the logical extension, but I was still surprised that such gifted players were making wrong decisions an the ball and were generally not as technically sound.

The hacking, diving and flopping is for another discussion.

The discussion with a buddy of mine- who picked the Dutch- was about the Iberian Heart. I explained to him what I've posited here; that Spain overcame it, so it's considered conquered. Spain won the World Cup by grinding out four 1-0 victories in the knockout stages and doing it with 8 goals for the entire tournament...what is the world coming to? They had a solid spine; tough play from two not that great center halves, great goalkeeping and the incomparable little general Iniesta in the middle.

For all the fuss about the Dutch hacking, they had it. Sneijder sprung Robben and Robben was all alone on Casillas. It was his world cup to take and he let Casillas get the better of him by making a tip of the boot save. To compound the failure, he had another chance late in regulation and was held back by Puyol. The one time he needed to dive, which surely would have gotten Puyol sent off, he chose to stay on his feet. The ref probably still should have sent off Puyol for the last-man challenge, especially considering that he sent off the Dutch player Heitinga (second yellow) for virtually the same challenge. In any event, Casillas once again got the better of him.

In the end, patience and perseverance win the day. To my Spanish friends, savor the flavor.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

World Cup 2010 Semifinals

Bokolis has had an impressive record for the knockout rounds. But, when I go down, it's usually in flames.

Aside from being married to the pick, one of the factors I thought would help Argentina against Germany was that, unlike England, Calamity James would not be in goal to help the Germans. Wrong...wrong. This Argentine mook decides to get low to contest a high ball into the box. Even though the header came in low, the fact that the keeper was low and wide contributed to not being able to keep the ball from going in off his shin.

The complexion of the game was defined by the early goal. The Argentines were now left to chase not only a goal, but the ghost of the Swamp Rat. For a while, about 50 minutes or so, it seemed like they were cooking up a goal, too. Unfortunately, Messi brought nothing to this tournament, so the goal was never going to come. At some point, it all set in and the Argentines lost both their nerve and their spirit. The Germans' second goal sprung from a pas made while the German was on his bum. That's how you knew the Argentines were done. They mailed in the rest of the game and the Germans dumped another two on them.

From the post game explanation of how the Germans did it, you found out that coaching matters.

NED over URU - Crazy how Forlan has stepped up for his country while Messi, considered a far better player, brought nothing. This is far enough for the Uruguayans. This will be a rare time when no one will be pulling for the underdog. That's what happens when you use a second goalkeeper.

GER over SPA - On the back of two dismantlings, it's hard not to fancy the Germans over the consistently unimpressive Spain. They've not gotten anything from the strikers, needing David Villa to bail them out. One of Bokolis' own pundits explains that Spain do not utilize Torres because, as a classic striker, he doesn't fit the style they play. To get off, Torres will have to repeat his Euro 2008 FInal performance, outpacing someone to the ball and poking home. Spain will really neeed that...if that was all they could muster against a not-as-good German team, it doesn't look good for this outfit.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Are you ready for some...more QF?!

As Bokolis types, I still haven't seen that mongoloid piss away the PK. Having only caught the first half, I've been on the road for the last 8 hours. I had to listen to the rest of the game on the spanish radio station. Apparently, from the aye-yaye-yayes of the announcer, Ghana should have scored about five goals during extra time.

Muntari's goal was a wicked cracker, but the Ghanians' luck finally ran out. Uruguay, with at least two key players missing in the semi-final, are living on borrowed time and the Netherlands have a clear path to the Final.

As part of my sleep when you're dead philosophy, I'm about to head out for some trouble. In case I don't make it back, here is your Saturday serving of possibly flawed analysis and bullshit-ass predictions.

ARG over GER - It turns out that the Germans are a little better than I expected. Ballack getting hurt was the proverbial blessing in disguise, as he would have slowed the squad down. As it is, Germany have the requisite strike force to cope with Argentina's stable.

One of the gripes I've always had about Argentina is that, while they consistently crush inferior opposition, when they play an equally powerful side, they don't often enough bring their best. This could possibly be that, post-Batistuta in his prime, they've lacked the necessary strikers. They now have them and should be able to find as many goals as they need against Germany, who, as was lost amidst the controversy surrounding the game with England, quickly coughed up a two goal lead.

SPA over PAR - Like everybody else, I want to see that bird streak. Or, I just want to win my pool. The Spain side are having their own issues with strikers. Torres has been shyte (which is good because he'll be forced to stay at Liverpool), but David Villa has picked up the slack. Merely more of the same would still be enough to see off Paraguay. I mean, really, if they couldn't score against Japan- Japan's spirited defense notwithstanding- how will they score when they have to withstand real pressure?

Friday, July 2, 2010

Are you ready for some...WC 2010 QF#2

Bokolis is proud of having the guts to pick the Netherlands to clip Brazil. I had my doubts and, literally a minute after I clicked publish, Brazil carved up the Dutch defense and scored. Just like I feared, I was thinking. But, the Dutch, while being dominated in the first half, rode out the storm and went to the dressig room off their best movement of the half.

They returned with more to offer. As it never fails, if you force Brazil to play defense, they lose structure. The Dutch had halted Brazil's momentum, but certainly didn't have the momentum at the time of the equalizer. Felipe Melo, the only non-stud on Brazil's back line, got in his 'keeper's way and flicked past Julio Cesar's attempt at a punch.

That picture belongs to Reuters...please don't hurt me.

This shook up the Brazilians and paved the way for the winner. Kuyt, pretty much useless for skill but a tireless worker, flicked on the corner, which Sneijder headed home for the winner. By then, the Brazilians had clearly lost their concentration and were further punished when Melo was sent off for kind of stomping Arjen Robben. It was more over-exuberance than malice and a little harsh from the referee, but it was also on the back of two leg clips...that's what happens when you play like that.

The Jackie Chan lookalike referee didn't do the Brazilians any favors and they repeatedly took issue. The Dutch capitalized on this and baited the Brazilians into numerous fouls. However, Chan must have developed a fondless for van Bommel, as Chan let him slide for cynical foul after cynical foul.

But the main reason Brazil lost is because they didn't have a worthy striker and Kaka is not what he used to be. There was a play, late, when, after getting a fortunate bounce, he was walking in on the keeper. He let himself be closed down and his shot was blocked. The top-form Kaka finishes or provides there.

URU over GHA - There is no sound reason why Ghana should win this game. They've looked shyte all tournament and, even though they were able to control the midfield for the entire first half, scored two flukish goals against the US. A more concentrated Uruguay defense should effectively bottle up the Ghanians and their strike force should have enough to close the ledger on Africa.

Is this where it gets good?

This is a little into the match, but I work a lot. WTF ya gonna do

NED over BRA - Having picked Holland to reach the final, I'm married to them. They can match Brazil for skill and I don't believe that Fabiano is a worthy striker and I think Kaka is...not washed up, but off from his highs. I'm banking that the Dutch will find a way (two ways, actually) through the Brazilian defense, which, for all the myth of jogo bonito, is its relative strength. In any event, it should be quite the kickaround.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

At least he didn't cry

Poof-naldo is maturing...maybe not. Maybe, for the next big tournament, he'll show up to do something besides take free kicks. Ye hear that, princess...because you didn't hear it when Bokolis pulled your card two years ago. You're never going to win anything by hanging on the wing and taking the path of least resistance.

So Spain win the battle of Iberia on a murky offsides situation. That call was a product of not having two linesmen across from one another, as there was little way for the positioned linesman to properly determine whether David Villa- who just about managed to put the ball in the net- was offsides. Well done, again, Sepp.

Otherwise, both sides put up a credible account of themselves. Except for Poof-naldo, who was nowhere, there was both fight and ball movement. In the end, Spain were the better side and Portugal suffered for their lack of a striker. Torres wasn't of much use, but Spain did enough. It turned out that I had good reason to balk at picking a winner, as it was a "cookie crumbles" decision that settled things.

So, Bokolis goes 7-1 in the round of 16. Totally coincidentally, the group winners went 7-1 and the only loss was the USA. That almost makes up for the rotten NFL Playoffs.

So, we'll get two QF match-ups worthy of a Final and at least one surprise package in the semi-final. Before that, the world may get some more bullshit-ass predictions and possibly flawed analysis. Before that, two days of productivity at work, maybe. Stay tuned, kids.

Are You Ready for Some...Iberian Heart?

SPA over POR - Neither side is bolded here. While both sides have quality, this is a case of the resistable force meeting the movable object. Going up against its fellow no-hearted Iberians gives Portugal a real chance to step up in a big game.

Having not conceded in their first three matches, Portugal may well have turned the corner on learing how to play tournament football. So, I would really like to pick Portugal to bounce Spain, but I fear that Poof-naldo will, as usual, be nowhere when it comes to the big stage. Spain grinded out a Euro 2008 championship, which, even though they are not playing at the same level, counts for a lot. Bottom line, I've never seen Poof-naldo and co. come through when it matters.

I'm not ready

PAR over JPN - Doing these off the phone is a bit of work. Japan have shown me nothing. Their goals have come from nothing and they will have nothing for Paraguay. It's all on the finishing of Paraguay to keep this from going nil nil into penalties.

Boy, oh boy...a matchup of the Iberian Heart. Portugal, having seemingly mastered the corporate football put out by countryman Mourinho, have yet to concede and shared the spoils in crushing the Kim jong-Il select.. Spain have been nothing special. Can Spain be taken out? Sure. Can Portugal do it? Lemme tink 'bout it.

Fucking posted this in the wrong place. These phones are good for what they've allowed us to do. But, you have little room for misfortune.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Are you ready for some Voetballl!!! 2010 WC Round of 16, Day 3

What is there to say about that non-goal that hasn't been said? Karma blowback for '66? Been said. Howls for replay? Been said. About the only thing I haven't heard is how, instead of having the best referees, we have regional quotas. Slobs that couldn't get a gig in League Two are officiating World Cup games. I wonde if we could get the Hebner twins to referee a few of these matches.


The blown call during the ARG - MEX match was only slightly less appalling. Bokolis immediately had his hand up. Not that I saw it because I was tripped up as well. With the goalie out of position like that, no way Tevez was still going to be in front of two defenders. The replay was shown on the monitor, so the linesman immediately knew he had royally screwed up.

Those games may not have been decided by the officials, but they sure as hell were defined by them. Oh, well, nobody is going to miss either Mexico or England.

NED over SVK - Slovakia remind me of the mini-Russia team that smoked Holland out of Euro 2008. They are some lucky fuckers, too. Nonetheless, I think the Dutch will get enough out of their firepower to advance.

BRA over CHI - Finally, a South American team will be eliminated. It would be good to see Brazil get bounced. Hopes should not be raised, as Bokolis is told Chile have an awful record against Brazil when not playing in Chile.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Are you ready for some Foootbaaaalll!!! 2010 WC Round of 16, Day 2

Uhhh, yeah. I sure wish we still had Friedel in goal and McBride were still the same age as in 2002. Those two on this team would have done something. It was proven that Howard isn't as good as people think he is and, unlike what Bokolis postulated, the US couldn't overcome its lack of a striker.

Uruguay impressed by finding a goal after sitting on its collective asses for a hour, trying to protect the lone goal. Fucking hell, next thing you know, the South Americans will be clamoring for more teams...especially since the next one is in Brazil.

GER over ENG - I would like to watch this game, as it's always fun when two people that don't like each other play. Bokolis has better things to do. I think England will play better against the devil it knows. This one has 1 - 1 penalties written all over it. Lets hope I'm wrong.

ARG over MEX - A rematch of the last go around. Mexico are good about playing up to their competition, but have lost in the second round in the last 3 or 4 WCs. Why should this be any different?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Are you ready for some Foootbaaaalll!!! 2010 WC Round of 16, Day 1

IuTo clear up some lingering business, that phantom foul...the US should have never had a free kick in the first place. Knowing that, the ref had already decided that he was going to blow a foul, taking the chance that there would actually be a foul. That's how it goes.

Dempsey being ruled was a shyte call, but I could see how it would be called. Besides, all that should settle up the karma account depleted by Rob Green's howler. As it worked out, the draw looks favorable. On we go, cards cleared and all.

The worst thing about those vuvuzelas, much more so than being annoying, is that when someone scores, instead of cheering, you get the vuvuzelas. It destroys the ambience, as the screams of joy are integral to sports. Of course, I have no faith that we'll get tempered and judicious use, much less FIFA intervention. Don't say that Bokolis didn't tell you how to get it done.

As always, the side Bokolis would like to win is in bold.

URU over KOR - If Bokolis is not mistaken, Uruguay have yet to concede. They are good at that, but not so good at scoring. Yet, they've gotten it must be the southern hemisphere. On the other hand, Korea have scored in every match, even when they were torched by Argentina. Something has got to give. Will it be Korea's workrate, or Uruguay's...I'm not sure what Urugray has, other than divers, Forlan and kissing sub-ins...that will win out? Having played against enough Asians to know, Bokolis feels that, once you match their running, they have nothing. Uruguay advances on the lone goal.

USA over GHA - I am leery that, as the only African team left, they will get some serious home cooking. Ghana defeated the US four years ago, but there are differences. Our boys are improved and, most importantly, the CANCER Claudio Reyna is gone. For their part, Ghana 's two goals have come on penalties. Granted, a handball stopped a goal that was finished off by a penalty. Our boys may give them an early goal but, without a gift penalty, I see Ghana struggling to score.

The US should be concerned that all of its goals- even those ruled out- have come from midfield. Nonetheless, I think that the US will overcome that in this match-up. Even Clinton and Obama have jumped the bandwagon- an African president (I mean Clinton, not Obama) should help balance out that factor- does anyone really believe that the US can be stopped? 2-0 or 2-1 to the US.

Off to the beach then. Live life, don't watch it.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Bokolis Presents: You make the call

So, for all the hugging, mugging, fondling, etc. that went on during this play, the official word is that there was a foul on Maurice Edu, the guy that puts the ball into the net. I dare you, I double dare ya, muthafucka, find me the foul on Edu.

Referee quotas are beautiful, aren't they. As the Brits often say, Fucking Hell!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Not Surprised

On the morning after the WC draw, the headline on one of those Brit rags read:

Pretty clever.

As easy as a two-hopper straight at the keeper, isn't it? I had a keeper that used to let them in like that all the time. We still won the league, but I'm a hell of a defender and he wasn't the keeper for the final. With its stable of dodgy keepers, England won't be so fortunate.

The sensationalists that the media are, they will focus on that awful misplay. They will blame it on the ball. To be sure, it was a howler for the ages and it was the most telling moment in the USA-ENG match. But, as hard as it will be for people to get away from it, the Hand of Clod (those Brits are so clever) does not define the game.

In Bokolis' own matches, I always tell the lads that the first thing they should evaluate is why we didn't win the match 4-0. This is because we would too often focus on the unfavorable events in the match. As it applies to England, the reason their talent and skill didn't dominate is because they failed to control the midfield.

Structurally, the USA's relative strength is in midfield, as their two best players are the wingers. Dempsey and Donovan did enough from the wings to allow Bradley to sacrifice his offense to shore up the spine. So, you have to wonder where Lampard and Gerrard were. Typically, Gerrard has to perform the clean up for Liverpool because of the lack of wingers and skill in midfield. I'm guessing that, given his issues with playing with Lampard, he decided, especially after scoring the early goal, that he wasn't going to be the bitch. As such, the US won more than their share of the balls and won the battle in the middle of the park.

To get Rooney out of the way, that's why he couldn't get service and had to lie deeper to get touches...this isn't man united, mate.

Capello's lineup also made for less than optimal performance. Glen Johnson and Ashley Cole are effectively the same player. Both are flawed, as Johnson doesn't have the savvy to match his speed and Cole isn't in the right frame of mind to utilize his skill set. Capello fielded Aaron Lennon, who is Ashley Cole with more skill, but not as good as Theo Wolcott, who Capello left off the squad. Then, he brought on the Bastard Son (Wright-Phillips) after 15 minutes, taking out Milner. I'm not sure if he has issue with Milner or he was trying to counter the USA's wingers with speed. I don't know WTF he could've seen that early...the US wasn't even settled. In any event, that's four guys who are effectively the same; and none of them check papers.

It was also evident that Heskey's strength was giving the US problems. He was winning everything in the air and was either being triple-marked on balls in the air or, when single-marked, being conceded the ball. He made the telling pass on Gerrard's goal and was still giving the US fits. But England largely went away from that and it allowed the US to get settled. All this explains to Bokolis why England didn't have the US under constant pressure.

And...I've seen Terry get sent off for less than what Heskey did to Tim Howard. WTF?!? It's too bad no one would exact some justice on Heskey's ACL.

In the end, it could be said that the US played well enough to lose and were bailed out be a howler. Why feel guilty? We knew going in that we had three keepers that were better than anyone on the England side. I thought that England's keepers were the great equalizer; I just thought it would have been "Calamity" James that would have gifted the goal. That it turned out to be Green is no surprise; he's good for 5 of those per year.

And, there is no blaming the ball, either for Green's or the Algerian's howler. I've played with that ball about 4 months ago, but I didn't know at the time that it was the WC ball. I only remembered it because it was so awful. That ball sucks. I was trying to get it taken out of play. It's made of some weird material. I didn't get to rip into it, but that was mainly because I couldn't get it to sit still.

In any event, neither Green nor the Algerian can blame the ball for their howlers. The Algerian has no excuse for not getting in front of a side footed shot. Moreover, if you can't catch it, parry it wide, fucker...fucking up our nil-nil draw, ye sumumabich. The US will now have to go in search of goals against Slovenia.

The US still has issues up top. They didn't trouble England much, even Carragher (and WTF was Capello doing taking off Ledley King?). They had one instance when they spun around England and Altidore shot off Green and onto the post. Sure, he had (Dempsey?) in front with the goal yawning, but he was never going to make that pass. He's not capable. As I've often said about Altidore, if he ever learns how to play football, he's going to be dangerous.

Capello's substitutions may be questioned, but I'm sure his madness considered that England didn't necessarily have to win this match. Dropping points to the US is far less of an issue than dropping points to Algeria or Slovenia.

Nonetheless, with Onyewu back on, Howard sharp the and DeMerit emerging, USA's spine is really strong. I can dream about winning the group and getting on the weaker part of the draw, no?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Not yet ready for some footbaaa...

The World Cup is great but, as a three day a week footballer, I'd much rather be playing than watching. Nonetheless, having been roped into one of these pools (and having dragged in others with me), Bokolis has to ogranize my thoughts on what I think will happen...nofuckingway am I doing research.

Anyway, here's the pre-pre overview:

Despite the push from the worldwide leader, there isn't as much buzz to this one. Ironically, it might be because it's not "everybody vs Brazil." More likely, it's due to:
the locale...$2200 a plane ticket is some buuullshit to have to endure an African, comped a seat next to the one for wich you paid $200, spitefully blaring a horn in your ear,
a European side having never won outside of Europe, which will surely continue because the African squads are sure to get home cooking from the officals at the Eurpoean sides' expense,
the confluence of which turns off the rest of us football snobs.

So, even though Spain probably have the strongest side, it narrows the possible victors down to: Brazil, Argentina and France (rim shot).

Here's the obligatory rundown on Europeans sides:
Portugal, of the #3 world ranking, will be victimized by the Iberian (lack of) Heart and will be picked off in the group stage by sleeper Ivory Coast, driving Poof-naldo to cry enough tears to (further) sheen his legs, UPDATE: Put a big strikethrough on that...Drogba has a broken elbow and is probably out
Germany aren't that good and could possibly get picked off by the USA in the second round...if the USA were any good, that is,
Italy's defense won't be good enough to carry them within a sniff of the podium,
the Netherlands are good, but can be beat at their own game, hardly the mark of a champion,
Engalnd's defense/keeper will not stand up against the strongest teams,
Spain, having conquered the stigma of the Iberian (lack of) Heart, are good enough, but are just as likely to get hosed, like they did in 2002.

France aren't that good and probably won't be motivated. Brazil, with a team full of European-based players, aren't that strong and play continental football..the jogo bonito is a myth; it died in 1982. This leaves Argentina, who, while they have the goods (a stable of strikers, led by Messi) on paper, haven't won outside the Spanish speaking world and have a batshit crazy, old Italian aunt as their coach, who will surely sink the side by employing bad tactics and playing the wrong players (Veron and Palermo are on the squad, Cambiasso is not).

Maybe it makes for drama, after all.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


I see about 50 calls per night that are- context removed- just as bad as Jim Joyce ruining Armando Galarraga's perfect game. But, the shop never howled like it did last night. I was too wrapped up in my work to follow the game and didn't realize what the situation was because it was relatively early in the night (the game only took 1:44). When they filled me in, it was OMG-WTF for about 10 minutes. I couldn't work and I was getting pounded with texts.

In this case, it was far worse to take away the perfecto on a bad call than it would have been had he gotten the perfect game by being on the right side of a blown call. In Halliday's, he threw a 3-2 pitch easily 6 inches outside, but the ump rang up the batter and nobody said anything.

Bokolis has said it countelss times; until baseball effectively implements replay, it's just like WWF. My issue is that we have 55-60 year old fat guys- out of position more often than not because they can't be bothered- officiating these games, yet we can't use replay. The replay was on TV in 10 seconds, but we can't equip the umpires with an iPad-like device so that even these old, sausage-handed fuckers could swiftly deal with blown calls.

As can be seen from the picture, Joyce is at an angle where he cannot easily keep ball, bag and runner in his line of sight. This would be more easily accomplished if he were a few steps to his right. This is the problem with having these old farts. After 20 years in the show, Joyce can't be bothered and nobody's going to teach him. He calls what he calls. The post game mea culpa is lip service. To boot, he could have had a plausible out by saying the snow-cone catch by Galarraga didn't constitute possession (the ball took a while to settle after initially hitting in the palm of the glove and, after a short snow-cone, Galarraga released the ball so that he could tuck it would have been flimsy but, in applying some NFL catch-and-contol logic, Joyce would have put it over), but tried to sell us that I-thought-the-runner-beat-it bullshit.

It's not like guys in their 30s and 40s don't blow calls (and aren't cunts about it). The older guys are set in their ways and think they are part of the act. Joe West, because there isn't much he (or C.B Bucknor or Angel Hernandez) won't do to get on TV, got into his own dust-up last night, with the Rays' manager Maddon using West's own rant (on the games taking too long) against him. If they're going to keep y'all old-timers around, y'all had better learn that, if you want to be part of the act, the bar is going to be raised on you.

To his credit, Galarraga didn't say a word. The game ended on the next at bat. Miguel Cabrera spent it lacing into Joyce. Joyce surely must have realized by the tone of Cabrera's vitriol that he royally fucked up.

As for Galarraga, he's left to make lemonade out of this. Maybe he'll be the 21st Century's Ernie Shore, or he'll be at least as famous for having been jerked out a perfecto.

Monday, May 17, 2010


The following is a post on how this whole taco stand we call the American Economy is built on fraud.

In real life, I've been telling people as much for years. This economy has always grown upon the hatching of a new scam and recessions occur from the time when the scam has run its course until the hatching of a new scam.

At some point, the scams stopped being enough and the PTB (starting with Reagan Adminstration) began pulling out the stops (deregulation, lower taxes for the wealthy and deficit spending) to foster growth. To his credit, Bush I had an attack of conscience and broke his infamous "Read my Lips" promise, at the expense of a second term, to slow the metastasis. Further deregulation during the Clinton Adminstration, institution of the Greenspan Put, a refusal of Bush II to go through the necessary correction (I'm thinking he was playing Civ III and got fucked over by war weariness) all paved the way for a complete contamination. On the way, the government essentially borrowed $10 trillion and gave it to the richest 0.01% Americans...and that was BEFORE the bailouts.

Ususally, Bokolis will not bring up a problem without offering a solution. But, as the piece explains, the fraud is now so ingrained that it would be impossible to eliminate it without sending the markets back to the Stone Age (early 1982) and thereby shattering the economy...seriously, the Dow would go back to like 750 'n shit and the NASDAQ would go to like 54 or whateverthefuck it was back then.

Ignoring that this taco stand is too big to fail, you can romanticize about some Trotsky-esque revolution- replete with nationalizations, appropriations and beheadings- that could fix everything...eventually, maybe, but not before the abovementioned shattering. Unless you put some scam in place (in front of the tank) that was going to save the average shlub's retirement plan- in other words, scam the scammers- there is nothing you could do. But, as Trotsky fond out the hard way, if you're going to go through the trouble of organizing enough might to take over, why give the spoils to the people when you can keep them for yourself?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Real life and Reality TV

Bokolis hangs out with a fair amount of birds, but seldom do I get to buy a woman dinner (a woman I'm trying to steamroller, anyway). A big part of it is life's responsibilities taking up too much of my time, some of it is that, like Seinfeld explained, 90% of the population is undateable. Mostly, though, it's because I've taken the approach learned as a kid from Broadway Joe, who explained that he doesn't date; he likes the girls that just show up...I don't know how Suzy Kolber kept her hands off of him.

As opposed to merely steamrollering, in case I ever want to go about picking bird(s) to bear more of my spawn, I suppose I'd have to (re)learn that dance. Accordingly, the first date would have to lead to a second date. What's important here is the tale of the tape on that savage graphic- somewhat blatantly pilfered from Flowing Data.

Number of people...Edge - Reality TV: Bokolis is a porn star, baby; the more the merrier. I'm a little perturbed, though, about the prospect of showing up somewhere, like Cromartie showing up to the draft in civvies, and having the crowd chant, "Feed your kids!" to me.

Hot tub time...Edge - Real life: While the hot tub allows for quick assessment of a bird's fitness, remember the abovementioned grand purpose. This isn't a ski trip. A bird that hops right in to the hot tub on the first night is a broad that walks herself out to the car at the end of it. I prefer shower sex, anyway.

Number of Drinks...Edge - Real life: You show me a bird that can bang down 8 drinks and still function and I'll show you a broad with FUPA. Better yet, show me all her teeth.

Months until engagement...Edge - Reality TV: A cycle that quick makes for a cleaner break, even if it introduces the Cromartie dilemma.

People watching...Edge - Real life: People watching me is a problem...and I'm not talking performance issues...see title. I'm not trying to have an audience. If people are around, they'd better be participating.

Amount that is real...Edge - Real life: You could argue that the actuals are much closer, but genuineness is important.

In the end, it's decidedly the real life scene, and all the kooky chics it holds. There is little chance of seeing Bokolis on tayvee. But, if I were to whore meself out to the tube, y'all can bet it'd be a ball swinging, cock whipping good time...with Bokolis doing the ball swinging and the cock whipping, of course.

Now we really must end the season

Sure as shit, after Bokolis tears into the Mets, they get hot. I'd like to think that I lit a fire under their ass, but it's more interesting than that.

Miracle of miracles, they find themselves- as I type- atop the NL East. It had the most unlikely start, as the Mets won that 20-inning game with the Cards going a 3rd inning with a field player on the mound.

I don't think there was a carryover, either, as they blew a 3-0 lead the next night, with Wainwright going the distance. It's all down to pitching, home cooking and momentum generated from getting it in gear. Even as I was offering him up to the Iron Sheik, Jose Reyes busted down the line on his last AB on 4/16. It didn't mean much at the time, but you had to notice the bust. It's not even like he is contributing all that much, but the taco truck runs much more smoothly when Reyes is hauling.

When pressed on a 5/1 (earliest projected) return, Carlos Beltran was resigned to (accented) hemming and hawing. I think he was figuring on the Mets being 8 games out on May 1 and being able to take off the entire season. I think mid-June is more likely for Mr. Softee.

The reason I suggest an abrupt end to the season is that this doesn't figure to last. There are a load of unusual circumstances in play here (apart from the Mets running off 9 of 11).

Home cooking - 15 home games vs six road games.

They have butched up at the expense of a useless Cubs team (led by a detached Piniella) and a Manny-less Dodgers team just looking to get home at the end of a long road trip.

The philthies went 2-4 in ATL and SFO, historical graveyards for the Mets.

Rollins is on the DL and Howard has gone about 60 ABs without a home run.

Seemingly stellar (ERA) starting pitching- which furthers my point that, just like anyone could pitch at Shea, anyone can pitch in Shitti Field- but a staff that has walked the most batters. This is particularly glaring for Pelfrey, he of the 0.69 ERA, with a 19-13 K/BB in 26 innings and a .254 BABIP vs his career average of .314 and a league average of ~.300.

Ike Davis has helped and, of course, they could start hitting, too. That they've shown a pulse is reason enough to be happy...but don't set up the playoff rotation. We'll see what they're made of when they go down to the town of dumb-shits this weekend...where they'll face the great Roy "Doc" Halliday- possibly on their third consecutive Sunday night game, in none of which were the Mets the featured team- who says he doesn't even need all his pitches to dominate the NL.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Spring Recoiled

It was a long winter here in the Apple.

Not because it was so cold. We didn't have any more than the requisite cold snap and didn't have that body numbing deep freeze reserved for the mountains.

Almost every winter yields a week's worth of 50+ degree days. But, we didn't have so much as one the entire winter.

By about Feb 20th, Bokolis had about enough of it. I was getting a little stir crazy. So crazy, in fact, that I cancelled a planned ski trip* with some buddies. At that point, the last thing that I was going to do was to go somewhere colder than I've already been suffereing.

*- Bokolis doesn't ski, literally or figuratively.

So, I was happier tahn a muthafucka when mid-March brought spring-like weather.

All the while, I had been predicting that the birds would be exceptionally fit this year. A little background; on those blazing summer days, when all these fine-ass women are walking around with minimal clothing, so much so that you can smell the pussy in the air...we call those days LOW TIDE! Last year, Bokolis and crew were very disappointed with the step back (there was only one LOW TIDE! day) NYC women had taken with reagrds to their appearance. Early on, we knew there would be trouble, as, generally speaking, these broads came into Spring carrying excess winter weight and never quite lost it through the Summer. It was rather disappointing.

I thought this year would be a bounceback. These birds were looking good enough in their winter gear and I liked what I was seeing at the track at McCarren. But, the spring-like weather we had in mid-March proved me wrong. I quickly realized that I was using a biased sample set and cursed my luck. I mean, I must have been seeing shit, or these designers are working magic.

When the following week brought chillier weather, my joke to all was that, Spring showed up, took a look around at these broads and broke thefuck out.

The week wrapped around Easter brought summer-like weather. The joke was that Spring brought Summer for a second opinion. Towards the tail end of it, the winter cloaks were shed and we got a real look. Like a wishy-washy professor, the grade was B-/C+...Spring gave a B-, Summer gave a C+. The day after it passed, I was walking to lunch with a few co-workers. I conveyed the grades, to which the response was, "Did you see the women out here yesterday?" I replied that he's married. Pause. "Good point."

Granted, frequenting thedirty has friggin ruined me. I'm noticing minor imperfections and the words "Thunders," "shim" and "beat" are constantly flashing. We're still not looking good. Spring still isn't impressed and goes off on drinking binges every week. I fear it's going to be an ugly Summer.

At some point, it dawned on me that this drop in form coincided with the Great Strath in which we are currently muddled. This downturn has been called a Mancession because the people hardest hit have been the Wall St. set...the guys with the money. If you're half the chauvinist pig Bokolis is, you'll draw the conclusion that, as the desirable bank accounts have dwindled, these broads are using this downturn as an excuse to let themselves go.

We can't have that, ladies. We need y'all to take the lead here. Tighten up. Inspire the rest of us. Inspire the banker set to greater performance to help pull us out of this mess. Do it for your country.

Do it for LOW TIDE!

Kennesaw Mountain Goodell

It's Friday and I have some time to kill before I get to yelling at some people over whom I hold no explicit authority.

So, Goodell sits down Roethlisberger for 6 games after the latter was cleared of criminal wrongdoing for doing whatever it is he needed to do to knock down a 20 year old bird. All views Bokolis has heard from everyone reflects their ideology, that this sumbich did this and that and that Goodell was right to slap a 6 game bid on him.

If we're going to look strictly at this situation, then sure, Ben may have gotten just desserts. However, there is a bigger picture and a bigger issue.

When the MLBPA puts the screws to the owners, everybody blasts the players. The media have portrayed Donald Fehr as a sinister, almost satanic presence, a stain on baseball. When the owners were found guilty of collusion, they were slapped on the wrist; nobody batted an eye. Bokolis isn't saying that there are good guys here, because there aren't.

But, the lesson was always that, if ownership can push around such a powerful union, the rest of us are fucked. I'm sure that, were I to go downstairs and ask 100 (largely) random people on the street whether they were paid their self-perceived worth, I couldn't get 5 of them to say yes.

That is why I always root for the unions and won't bat an eye at the salaries, grossly overpaid though they may be...even if it means the owners are going to raise ticket prices to cover it.

The Roethlisberger case, and those of the other NFL derelicts before him, present an interesting parallel and are setting a dangerous precedent.

After having 4 or 5 drinks at the bar, anyone (we're talking a regular, grown-ass man) that drives home knows that, should some shit go down, they have strict liability. So, if you're going to blow a .12, like Jim Leyritz and Donté Stallworth, if some slob jumps in front of your car, you're on the hook for him. It doesn't matter that whether on foot or in a vehicle, Miamians have this issue with wandering into a traffic lane for no apparent reason (that doesn't just happen in GTA; this is a real phenomenon). It doesn't matter that the woman that caused the accident that killed her was more drunk than you were*, it's your ass.

*- That's not to suggest Leyritz be absolved.

If some shit like this (just the getting pulled over part...God forbid, not mowing down someone) happened to Bokolis, I'd be fucked; likely out of a job, with a future of events that will only drive me to drink. My career in corporate America: D-O-E-N done. I'd have the state telling me how to live my life and I'd probably have to sell my ass for cash.

Just desserts, scumbag, right? Sure, you self-righteous cunts. Like Tony said, you're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie.

I digress. Let's change the scenario to something that everybody does: Drinking on a worknight, 2 or 3 drinks over 90 minutes. That's not illegal. Do we want to raise the ante? Let's say you'd blow a .06 and you drove home afterwards and, like 99.999% of the millions of people who do this, you get home without incident.

A .06 would get you a summons, I think. But, at .06 how tired you are has a far greater effect on your driving ability and judgement than your BAC. It's highly unlikely that you'd do anything to get yourself pulled over.

Let's further suppose that, because you're a moron, you tweeted it. Corporate Big Brother picks up on this and docks you a day's pay because some cunt in HR feels you couldn't possibly have put in an honest day's work. That's some bullshit, right? The lush CEO is stealing money every day.

You want a little more credit than that, don't you? It's 20 years from now. Indians still haven't developed critical thought, so you still have your job. Yet, globalization and the Information Age have taken such hold so that, effectively, you are on call 24 hours per day. Along those lines, Corporate Big Brother has intruded to the point where it can now observe virtually everything you do and has the AI to analyze it. CBB observes that you are out boozing and hunting for poon-tang, which, it deems, limits your ability to absorb and convey information (assume your job doesn't involve the conveyance of information on how to pick up tipsy 20-something birds). Your pay grade is lowered for the rest of the week.

Too creepy? Too fucked up? All right, before leaving the office/signing off, you are now made to file an agenda of your evening plans. This information is conveyed to the establishment you will patronize, you are cut off at the appointed time, dumped in a cab and sent home. Change the options; you can stay longer, but you have to concede a vacation day, or a day's salary.

How about, while on vacation, you engage in similar activities to Roethlisberger; I'll leave it up to your imagination as to whether the girls went willingly and you had a bouncer at your door.

You're not that cool? Fine, you pass out drunk on the beach and your buddies have to drag you back to the room. They do some forgy shit to you, like make you piss yourself or draw on cocks on you with a marker or, worse yet, draw directly on your nutsac.

Not that Bokolis would know; I can hold my liquor.

The public figure, role model angle is bullshit. We're now blue-skying an employer sanctioning for perceived transgressions in personal lives in the face of signed contract- never mind that it is non-guaranteed and contains imposed morals clauses that give the employer the right to terminate...just so we can feel- WTF do you care?- that justice has been served. The rest of us don't even have that protection, but it's only a matter of time until these rules are applied to us.

Yeah, yeah, asshole. The boss doesn't even sanction for the shit we do on company time. We'll let go that you're cheating yourselves by fucking off at work. Does it make you feel better to think that you're only a hyper-diligent IT guy away, or that your company writes off a certain amount of it as an inevitability?

I'm not that smart and not all that creative. If I can think of this, you can be sure that, before too long, someone with the drive to implement worse will come along.

That's all the fuck I got.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Must End The Season

or, My Entire Team Sucks.

So, last night, I'm at the fun job. The Yankees game gets rained out, so we switched over to the Mets-Cards. Wonder of wonders, they're up 1-0 into the 7th, with Oliver Perez pitching his guts (if he had any guts, that is) off. Actually, he looked good, keeping those hitters off balance.

The jagoff that led off the B7 hits one in the hole to Reyes, who, cunt that he is, eases over to backhand, doesn't bother to set, flings off his back leg, tailing the ball over and pulling the 1B off the bag...scored a hit, but would get Reyes benched on Bokolis' team. Next guy bunts the runner over, after which Jerry Manuel pulls Perez after 97 pitches. I'm like WTF?!, to which multiple co-workers respond that it's good for Perez because he now will not get a loss after pitching so well. I'm like WTF?! again. The team is left with 8 outs to get...WTF did he accomplish that he's in the dugout hugging everyone who'll let him cop a feel?

Of course, this is Manuel's call, so I don't want to be harsh on Perez. He brings in Nieve, who proceeds to nick the next batter and walk Holliday. Out comes Manuel to make another change, bringing in a lefty to pitch to Felipe Lopez. Bokolis promptly breaks out into a mediocre Jerry Manuel impression, explaining to the press at the post-game conference that he felt turning Lopez to his power side was the correct move in this situation. It was meant to be a first-guess, but the lads got a kick out of it.

Work took me away from the TV. A few minutes later, I look up to see a 1-4 score. I call out, did somebody hit a grand slam? The whole room, waiting for me to refocus, breaks out into laughter.

I think I've explained that the Mets ruined Reyes a few years back, when Willie Randolph yelled at him for dogging it during a game out in LA. He must have went and pissed and moaned to someone over Willie's head. And, it worked, for Reyes anyway. They must have given him his way and it has turned him into a spoiled little cunt. As presently constituted, he is utterly worthless. The only way to fix him is to send in the Iron Sheik to make him humble (1:08).

Speaking of humbling people, despite the layered ineptitude, Bokolis is sure that I could turn around the franchise were I made the GM. Of course, it goes beyond talent evaluation and player procurement, which is the easy part. I've previously explained that all of this stems from Wilpon. The real problem in that organization, Bokolis is told, is the owner's son, Jeff Wilpon. I mean...your son...really? WhentheFUCK does that ever work? This is the guy who pulled rank to bring in Kaz 'torn asshole" Matsui. That alone should have gotten him disowned, never mind banned. Of course, if Wilpon knew how to handle his business, this wouldn't be posted.

Anyway, here's what Bokolis would do on his first day on the job. I'd be addressing the staff- introductory stuff and all- giving them an overview of the plan. Jeff Wilpon, unable to keep his mouth shut, would interrupt. I'd say, "Excellent, Jeff, but I'll finish." After it all ends, I'd call Jeff into my office. As soon as the door shut, I'd unleash a venomous open hand that would surely be heard through the door. While Jeff was on a knee, which the slap forced him to take, "Jeff, it's ok. Nobody saw it. You can go back out there like we're in here drinking whiskey. But, the next time you try to tell me how to run the team, I'm going to fuck you in front of everybody. For that matter, don't even show up here unless you've asked permission. Now, getthefuck out."

I'd make sure the contract language was structured accordingly and the check was deopsited. Thinking about it some more, I'd probably have Sheik do it..I don't think I could get it up for Jeff.

The team that gays together...

The guy at Getty Images that snapped this should get a Pulitzer. To me the funniest thing was that, when I right-clicked to download, the name of the file was "Nevillegay..." I think the secret's out, ye filthy manc cunts ye. I tell you, with the fmc's last gasp winner over City, I'm starting to think Rednose must have some incriminating pictures of Satan. Nobody's deal lasts this long.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Duke bag

Given that I consider today's version of basketball to be NASCAR, I wasn't really paying attention until the last 3 minutes or so. But, you had to love the competition. From what I saw, it was basketball as I knew it to be; half-court, working for every basket, with little or no dunking and not too much one on one play. Those kids fought like hell.

Needless to say, I didn't want Duke to win. They're not championship quality and they had a scandalously easy draw compared to the other 1-seeds. I guess that, if you're always a factor, sooner or later, you're going to bag a cheap one.

Because they never got their noses out front in the second half, I never had the sense that Butler was going to win that game. I figured the only way was, if the they had the last shot down a point. But, they seemed to be drifting off, as they couldn't hit a shot for 7 minutes or so. Lo and behold, they dragged themselves back because Duke couldn't put them away.

The rainbow would've looked cool if it dropped, but I really wish that last shot would have dropped, if only to bite Krzyzewski in the ass for intentionally missing the free throw.

These guys outsmart themselves with these nonsensical strategies, like that one and intentionally fouling when up three. By missing with 3.6 seconds left, he introduced the possibility of losing, going from about a (max) 20% chance of having the game tied to about a 5% chance of losing it. And, without getting the perfect trip up the court, when the kid had a free look from inside 45 feet, it was about 10% chance of losing...not materially different from a 25-footer with a hand in your face.

You lucky fucks.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I Take You All to Fudging Hell!

I mean, forget the kids...adults thought this was a good Idea.

I could do a good Tony Montana back in the day. This kid sounds more like Roman Moroni.

How the fuck did Bokolis end up on Twitter, you ask?

Yo, nik, whachew doin' in a cark clowny munnicibull ambulamps? That is pretty funny though.

That's a man, baby!

I'm just saying...if Brittney Griner played on Sunday, Baylor would've beaten Duke. I don't know why she couldn't...if it walks like a duck...

Actually, I got a text from a buddy during the game on Sunday telling me that Duke looked shook. I didn't watch the game but, upon getting the result, I texted back that they couldn't have been that shook. Seeing the highlights, it seems like Baylor was having a dunk party. But, really though, Coach K decided just about 20 years ago that his team was never going to get bullied off a floor ever again. Lucky for him, they can stand 20 feet away from the basket and get three points for shooting from there...kind of why no Duke guard ever makes it in the pros, but an effective strategy when facing big black guys.

Her play kind of reminds me of David Robinson at Navy. They get UConn next, don't they? Aught to be fun.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Chased away, or Cutting the Chase

I hadn't checked my Chase credit card account since (probably) Tuesday and I had thrown a couple of hundred dollars worth of charges (two fillups, dinner and drinks for me and a friend) on it. Checking my the damage this morning, I noticed that the cunts clipped my credit limit from $14,000 to $1,100. They'll probably mail this notice to me in like 2 weeks or so and hope I do something in the interim that allows them to raise my APR to like 246% or something...too bad I don't carry a balance, fuckers.

Chase picked up my account with WaMu's ashes. I don't know WTF WaMu was thinking giving me a $14,000 credit line. I mean, I used it wisely and astutely to get me out of my mess, but that thinking is probably why they are out of business. I've always steered away from Chase because I've heard from many people about what shady crap Chase pulls on them. I even called them up to get them to stop sending me offers.

Aside- getting the offers isn't necessarily bad because the company does a soft inquiry before they send one. The quality of the offer functions as a free bootleg credit report.

In this environment, this type of crap is to be expected when a company acquires your account. It happened to me a few years ago when HSBC acquired my account and soon cancelled it because I wasn't using it. Curiously, HSBC sends me offers every month. They put some effort into those things...they must have a bottomless marketing budget.

Anyway, I knew a chop was coming from Chase- I'm suprised it took them this long- but $1,100? WTF am I, a college student? It disgusted me, and writing the following made me feel better.

Furtively changing account limits shows that Chase credit cards and its parent company have learned nothing from having legislation shoved down its throat. 35 years of having the playing field heavily tilted in favor of the credit card industry has allowed Chase to survive with a flawed business model.

Chase’s actions indicate that it considers existing customers a burden, yet it spends so much money to acquire new ones. Except for cable/satellite TV, I cannot think of another industry that cannibalizes its own customer base.

Perhaps both industries believe they have a captive customer base. But, it is more likely that they are behind the curve when it comes to innovative ways to generate revenue. So, Chase resorts to bleeding its customers dry.

In my own case, when was Chase going to tell me? Were you hoping that I’d make a big-ticket purchase that put me over the limit so you could bleed $39 (or whatever the fee is) out of me? Chase is required by regulations to eventually notify me by mail, but regulation still allows Chase to furtively change the limits as and when it pleases.

It would seem to be far more efficient to make this change and send notice with an account statement, as it would both save money on mailings and possibly save face with the customer. Of course, that would assume that Chase is capable of maintaining a mutually beneficial relationship with its customers, which isn’t the case.

To the merits of the action, I understand Chase’s need to give the perception that it is mitigating risk (I use “perception” because I can see that both JPM Chase and Citi are engaging in the same yield-chasing strategy that has gotten us all into this mess in the first place). My account was acquired at a fire sale from a company that went “belly-up” due to horrid risk management. Not that they (or you) were punished in my case, but I will readily admit that I have no direct use for a $14,000 credit line. Its main benefit is the positive effect on my credit profile.

Nonetheless, cutting over 90% of my credit line indicates that my credit profile- I can see that Chase does soft inquiries every month, so my ever-improving credit standing should be apparent- and account history mean nothing to Chase. Understand that the feeling is mutual; I’ve always known Chase to be the @$$hats of the industry- and, that’s saying something…its actions, while furtive, are hardly surprising.

That is why, even when I needed the credit, I blocked Chase from soliciting me. Having my account acquired by Chase was an uncontrollable circumstance, but I did my part for the relationship by using the card (when I could have been using other cards) and paying off the balance each month…and this day’s treachery is how Chase repays me.

Actually, Chase’s actions come at a pivotal moment for me. Now that I’m almost done unwinding my revolving debt, I will be increasing my autonomous spending. As such, I have been in the process of reassessing my creditors, deciding which ones to purge and which cards to acquire. Chase was always atop the list of creditors to purge. Now it has made the decision still easier.

It says that they will reply within 4 hours. I can't wait. They're actually doing me a favor. I'll be done paying off a bargeload of credit card debt (long process; I may post on how I did it when I'm actually done) later this year and plan to use the cash flow to have a little more fun. As part of the process, I'll be switching up my cards (I have 8) to ones that hook up the rewards...and get rid of those that treat me like shyte.

UPDATE: This is what they wrote:

Dear (Bokolis):

Thank you for contacting Chase.

I am sorry to hear that the service you received did not
meet your expectations. Your satisfaction is extremely
important and your comments are critical to our efforts
for continued improvement. Thank you for letting me know
that we can do better.

If you have any further questions, please reply using the
Secure Message Center.

Thank you,

Email Customer Service Representative

Typing back: c-u-n...I left out, "It took you 15 hours to come back with that?!?" It did, when they promised 4 hours. "Cunt" seemed so much more succinct.

Friday, March 19, 2010


While I'm kicking it about college basketball, St. Johns officially shit-canned Norm Roberts. I'd put his picture up, but I don't even know what he looks like.

St. Johns is the neighborhood school, so Bokolis takes a passing interest in its comings and goings. SJU basketball has been atrocious for years. So, atrocious, in fact, that they play more games on campus vs the Garden than they used to.

Norm's biggest sin was that he couldn't get anyone to come here. As the story goes, he used to be able to pull when he was at KU and other places where he was an assistant. So, WTF is the problem? Other schools in NYC have no problem pull...

Wait a minute. There are no decent schools in the NYC-area. WTF?!? Bokolis will tell you WTF. First off, no NYC schools have football teams. Columbia? Don't make me cuff you. Even Hofstra- which held it down in D1-AA- shut down its program. Now, there are a variety of reasons why NYC schools couldn't make football work. For these purposes, you need only accept that there is correlation between not having a football program and not being able to recruit basketball players. The important takeaway is that, if you don't have a football team, you're pissing in the wind.

The reasons are the same; housing, booze and poon-tang. 'Round these parts, none are available to the degree acceptable to a 19 year old college student. I've been to KU; when I tell you it is wide open, it is wide open...ample poon and hayseeds with no game. Even on the campus visit, a recruit probably fries his hard drive filing away all the talent.

St. Johns no longer has off-campus housing. Lest you think that the Brothers were jammed up with these kids living the party life, it's because, starting around 1998, real estate (and rental) prices went buckwild. Even the athletes- procured or not- have to live on campus, which is not exactly buzzing at a commuter school.

There is no longer extra exposure by playing in NYC. All manner of games are now on national cable. No one needs to come to the Garden, crap SJU or otherwise. Duke must think that a cupcake at the Garden is a great deal, but SJU can only take so many beatings.

But, you say, you can't beat the NYC nightlife. You sure can't, but what kid, even on the booster's arm, can afford it? Even if they could, they can't get into any place. What happens is, we get these underage Jersey piglets, thinking they've outgrown Hoboken, or Mahwah, or Lodi, or Garfield, or Belmar or wherever- sneaking into the Apple, getting themselves drunk and into some shit, bad things happen and we get the teeth filed on all the rules around here.

And, if these kids were trolling around Manhattan hot spots, camera phones would be running like a muthafucka. So, these guys would have to stay local...yippee!

The neighborhoods surrounding the campus are decent and not as densely populated as other areas of NYC. It certainly isn't the PJs. Since it is a commuter school and has no off-campus housing, it's a challenge to get students to the bar. The only way you get college kids into a bar is with drink specials, which bars facing heightened rents can't typically afford. As a result, there are 3 bars in the immediate area...and one is for old people; uninhabitable, nobody- even the old people- goes there.

Certainly not Bokolis...I once walked in that place and, spooked to see people 5 years older than I am on the prowl, broke thefuck out. But I do go into the other two. The one place is usually quiet (which is partly why I go), except when they have a beer special. Because this guy cards, he gets grimy 23-25 year old guys and barflies-in-training for birds. If you're 23-25 and still haven't outgrown this place for its cheap beer night, you've got problems. You're ruining my quiet night of no footie, no Manhattan or Brooklyn. Get it together.

The other place...Bokolis won't mention the name of the place because, apparently, only the Feds read weblogs. Anyway, it has various nightly drink specials. Not being a beer drinker, Bokolis heads there for the $2 Jameson. Look, you can't beat $2 Jameson. One day, the subject came up as to what percentage of the birds in there are underage. I would have put it at 20%-25%.

Aside- One of the reasons Bokolis doesn't date birds under 23 is that I can't reliably tell the difference between 21 and 16. It would bother me to think I'm kicking it to 21 and find out, you know. But, I am continually amazed as to the openings, without even trying, that are presented to me. I wonder if it's because they know I could buy them more stuff (not that I would) than the college student banging them on the side or because I could put it to them better than said college student. It's a rhetorical question.

Now that I've convinced you that I don't go there to pick up college birds, we asked some alumni from real life and got back that it's about 75% underage...and that the place often gets shut down for this. The guys that run the place are two scuzzy, perv-looking creeps. Nonetheless, truth be told, this place has the better collection of talent. If they're not driving, what's the problem?

Oh yeah, SJU. I think the best kid Norm landed was rated 80th or something. With all that, what top level recruit would want to go to St. Johns? The only worse places to go would be to the service academies.

The comparison is to WVU for two reasons...Bokolis has a plant down there and there are 3 guys from the NYC area on the squad. Assuming you had all your teeth, where would you live? That's another rhetorical question. Morgantown, WV is the number two (Milwaukee) drinking city in the country. As it's been explained, there is absolutely nothing to do there except drink. That's perfect for a college town and, while it's ironic that the head coach is on the wagon (suurrrre he's on the wagon), it presents limitless opportunity to color drunk white girls purple. That's the most important thing nyone learns in college and why those cats are down there.

People are talking up Mark Jackson as the next coach and he wants the he's going to draw talent. Listen, I've dealt with the dude way back when and know him, despite the way he comes off in public, to be a good guy. Nothing tells me he can coach and still less tells me he can pull ballers, let alone in that environment.

Because, nobody seriously thinks that guy can coach, we're not even getting into Huggins being able to buy who he wants to buy. The conditions do not exist to improve recruitment. How do we solve this? Re-instate off campus housing and give tax breaks to bars within said distance of either. For that matter, if they can find the land, give tax breaks to build the housing. Hey, for all the tax breaks given around here, I don't see the problem. Lower the drinking age within 1000 yards of either to 19, of course. Of course, we would have to regulate the driving habits accordingly.

If that doesn't work, we're going to have to import SEC poon...might be cheaper than the tax breaks.

That's all the fuck I got.

Beastly East

So, we had a little action yesterday. As the story goes, the NCAA can opt out of the TV contract after this tournament, so CBS is highly motivated to give them a good show.

Of course, to CBS, that means booking the endings, not offering a better product. And, let's tell it like it is; CBS still sucks at this. They never come in and out of games at the right times and they are killing us by not offering a second (dedicated) channel. Not to worry, sports fans, the worldwide leader will surely drown the NCAA in money to take over and drown the rest of us in bracketology.

11s beating 6s (13 over 4, 14 over 3) notwithstanding, Bokolis still maintains the format offered up last year is best, with the amendment that there should be no more than 4 teams per conference. There's just no need for 7 or 8 teams from conferences, only to have half of them get clipped.

1st Round

2nd Round

3rd Round

4th Round

5th Round

Regional Final

9 Seed

1 Seed

14 Seed

8 Seed

19 Seed

4 Seed

16 Seed

5 Seed

17 Seed

13 Seed

3 Seed

6 Seed

11 Seed

12 Seed

2 Seed

7 Seed

10 Seed

15 Seed

18 Seed

Uhhh, that didn't come out looking so good, but you can still get the picture.

That's a direct shot at the Big East. People will be quick to say that the conference is a fraud on the back of that crap performance yesterday. Just as the conference was overrated, calling them frauds would be harsh. From what little college hoops I watched, I saw all of their teams struggle when going out of conference. I don't know whether there is a style difference or whether the teams treated out-of-conference games as a letdown. But, I saw it across all the relevant teams. In conference dogfights don't help the confidence, especially when you can't shoot or create flow on offense.

Granted, I don't think there is any difference between 6-seeds and 11-seeds that will cannot overcome. But, if you get in 8 teams, you are marked. A lack of intensity gets your 6-seeds clipped and puts your higher seeds in dogfights.

Nonetheless, there was no need to have Notre Dame and Marquette in the tournament. Louisville is now on the clock to earn its keep and WVU- oh, look, they've spotted the 15 seed 10 points- and the 'Cuse to step up for the power.