Friday, December 6, 2013


On the day we learned of his passing, Bokolis is going to kick it a minute about Nelson Mandela.

On each of our one days, we're going to have to look back and think WTF did we get done while we were here.  Some shlub at the NFL network is going to think back about how he leveraged Mandela's statement on the power of sport, which Mandela meant as glue to connect the people of his nation, to soft-sell the masses on burning energy and brain cells on its presentation of the NFL.

There is a short list of those who have impacted and achieved as much for humanity as Mandela.

Even to this day, I take a very cookie-crumbles attitude towards states of affairs, even if I retain the prerogative to apply compassion to my actions.  As a teenager, with the baby-fat of ignorance, Bokolis had only casually paid attention to- and was even dismissive of- the plight of Mandela and of Blacks in South Africa.  It was one thing to be stuck under the thumb of a colonial power.  For them to be second-class (that might be kind) in their own country, they must be some ass-backwards {redacted}.  Yeah, yeah...

When my favorite player was named best footballer in Europe and gave a shout out to Mandela, Bokolis thought that I aught to learn a bit more. I was confused as to why, if he was so badass, Mandela wouldn't just bounce or get sprung by comrades.  Perhaps he was smarter than us all and realized that he was doing everybody's time, not his own.

After Gullit raised awareness that seemingly (among Whites) wasn't there beforehand, the groundswell to free Mandela steadily gained momentum.  Of course, his own "freedom" was not Mandela's point, even as he aged and suffered the variety of ravages of being locked up.  Getting off the Island- is figuratism wasted on the literal minded- would have served no purpose if he returned to find it as he left.  It's probably as good a rationale as any as to why he was the last one to come home.

Even while imprisoned, Bokolis felt Mandela was destined to become leader of South Africa.  I was eager to see it, too, for selfish reasons.  So often, when you have regime change involving the ouster of a set oppressive muthafuckas, the new regime will involve a similarly oppressive set of muthafuckas, who will want to take a big bite of out the last set for their suffering.  I expected that, when he got to power, he'd have all the Whites- the ones that survived the purge- living on Robben Island.

And would you blame him?  Well, Bokolis was dead wrong about him.

As leader, he did his best to avoid the trappings of power.  That alone would make someone an exceptional ruler.  Mandela went so far as to...

Yeah, they sold you a movie that made it seem like it was just that easy for Blacks to say, hakuna matata; we ain't mad at'cha.

I'm not trying to tell you that he conjured utopia.  Just because Bokolis can now strut up and down Victoria Road while swinging my dick and looking to jam my finger up Charlize Theron's ass doesn't mean things aren't still fuuucked up.  After all, 98% of the non-oppressed world start out as hopeless idiots.  Forget the townships, you will find, in plain sight, right on Victoria Road in fact, all you need to understand that there are still far too many lost causes out there.  You will see some shit in Jo'burg.

But, the relatively painless revolution is an accomplishment.  This is not because it's Africa, because it didn't go so smoothly in the Balkans, or as they chop up the aftermath of the SSRs.  Are those enough links?  I can do Liberia, Somalia, even Cabinda. They never get it right in the Middle East.

I worry that the regard I hold for Mandela is borne out of a Berlusconi-an buy those who get the best of you attitude.  I hope not.  I'd like to believe I've seen a great man in my lifetime, someone to inspire the world to maintain on the road less traveled, that even locked up for over a quarter-century cannot stop you from leaving the world better than you found it.

Bah, with the jokers running around here, who am I kidding?  I just wish I were there to help carry his casket, if they'd let me.

Suave, homes.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Cobra and the Lemon

this one had been sitting in the queue for a hot minute...

In the interest of keeping it fresh, Bokolis recently decided to reacquaint myself with the gym.  This decision was not made capriciously, as it required a departure from my position that working out is for people with no job.

This is a position formed from working in a gym in a prior life.  Three solid years of training out of high school turned Bokolis from a strapping lad into a jacked and (approaching) shredded body-beautiful man. 

At 20 years old, I looked as good and was as strong as any non-PED'ed up civilian was going to get.  I even had a little christmas tree where the tramp stamp goes.  Despite hearing the chirping, I was able to avoid the juice because, besides it not being my way, I was keeping up with the juicers.

At some point- that point being a fucked up shoulder and elbow, it occurred to me trying to keep up with the juicers is a mistake.  Similarly to how, when guys come off the juice, they almost invariably get hurt, the injury bug bit me as well.  The mistake we- juicers and non-juicers alike- make is believing that your body is meant to be lifting such weights without the enhancement.  Juicers always forget what they were before/without the juice and wind up going way too heavy when off the shit.

It wasn't necessarily lifting so heavy that got to me; it was the lifting, combined with the pitching, running, cycling, this, that, the other, the unmentionable, etc. that finally got to me.  I topped out in the low '80's- at 19- but I was no pitcher.  My source of pride was my outfield arm; I had a cannon.  Before Rickey showed me how to dominate a game, there was Dave Parker in the '79 All-Star Game. 

Never mind that, today, it's 50/50 as to whether Robinson Cano would run hard enough to make 2nd base, let alone dig-three like Jim Rice, or that Brian Downing isn't exactly a speed merchant.  That throw to the plate was forever etched in my memory...when people- younger than I- tell me that where is the time going because it's 2013 and I date myself by telling them that I remember when it was 1979, it's Cobra's throws that I remember.  Driven thusly, did whatever I had to do to throw strikes to the plate from 250 feet.

For a little while, I could do it, too.  Unfortunately, both the elbow and shoulder went at 20, with the effects showing up in the gym. It was at that point that I decided that, good as I looked, it was more important to look and feel good at 40 and beyond than at 20. I also needed to have something left with which to play catch with my boy (I can throw lefty just fine, but I'm not going to hose anybody from the outfield). So, I gave it all up. It was probably a good thing, too, as, by 23, the cannon was gone without any putting any further strain on it, but at least it hasn't gotten any worse.

After a burly period, Bokolis got out of Shawshank and have kept myself in reasonably good shape, retained as much speed as can be hoped, and my looks...I don't look my age, that's for sure.  But the time came to get back into the gym- not so much for aesthetics as for preventative maintenance. While I'm certainly doing better with the dings than my younger friends, I'm not without things- including complacency- pulling on me.  Ultimately, the fear of getting old tugs the hardest.

Things are a little different this time.  When people ask, I- with as little arrogance as possible- tell them that I've forgotten more than most people will ever know and that I've come back to try to remember.  While, back in the day, it was very rare for me to use anything other than free weights, these days, I'm fighting with women for the machines.  As a matter of fact, I often have to lower the weight once the machine becomes available; most of the time, they use about the same weight, so it works out.

Aside- some these birds look GOOOOODD.  Back then, they used to cover up their butts, all self-conscious n' shit.  Now, they shamelessly proudly wear this Lululemon gear; their asses look so good, makes you want to bite them slap your mama.  Of course, there are plenty of culones inchiavabile; they don't wear the Lululemon, ostensibly because they're not allowed as Lululemon only makes up to size 12.

aside- I love how women have their cunts in the air about how Lululemon discriminates, how they promote an unhealthy they're not. They are in the business of making asses look good in workout gear. WTF do you want them to do with a size 14+ ass? For me, any dumpy 10 and 12 should be thanking their lucky stars that they make something able to mold their rump into something pleasing.

There is a change in the type of bird that now goes to the gym.  Way back when, women typically went to ladies-only fitness centers.  On the co-ed side, you would get the ones that came with their boyfriends and dykes and the occasional random bird.  Bokolis speaks from experience that the ones to come with the boyfriends were usually all-caps-and-three-exclamation-points hot, the random bird was usually a fucking weirdo and a half, with the dyke being the most at-ease.

I used to work the mornings before class in the afternoon, so I got all the wives. Half of them had husbands who would come in the evening, the others were just looking to get somebody to tell them they looked good. {Trailing off look} Bokolis learned a lot of things from those women.

Nowdays, the birds run the gamut.  You've got at least one that looks like Mr. Magoo's mother, liable to hit you over the head with an umbrella (or a dumbell).

You've got the middle-aged hausfrau, the middle-aged hard-up broad, strippers, the typical NY bird who has way too much self-confidence for her looks, her cousin- the Reese Witherspoon wannabe, a weirdo chic a la from 20+ years ago, many birds still carrying winter weight and a lot of the aforementioned cuties with tight, biteable asses, to name a few.
You should expect that people are there alone.  After all, working out is as self-absorbed an activity as there is.

The only type you'll see who is not usually by herself is the stripper; she always comes with another stripper and they are both dressed so that their tits are spilling out of their sports bra tops.  You'd see whale tail, but they probably aren't wearing anything under the tights.

If you do see two regular birds there together, one of them is always going through the motions.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a bird there with her boyfriend.  Unless both are hardcore in their training and must train with each other; it's not the best idea.  What you don't want is a BF/GF combo that both work at the gym.  While workplace romances are typically not optimal, this is the kind to be avoided at all costs.  I've seen some shitshows in my day just from BF/GF that go to the same gym and break up.  If they both work there, it's straight up soap opera bullshit.

Getting away from the birds- Bokolis forgot to throw in the gay dude walking around like a peacock- the biggest change from the old days is that, with them leting just anybody into the gym, you get a lot of ignorant fuckers that don't know the etiquette.  I remember that the "meatheads" used to complain to me all the time about the "bugs" we were letting in there and how, these bugs have some balls, looking like they do, to wear tank-tops to the gym (the hardest of the hardcore ususally worked out in long-sleeved shirts). Given the already-discussed narcisism factor, I could understand the tank-tops.

These days, calling them bugs would insult the bugs of yesteryear. Not having been slapped around, these fuckers have no manners. They leave towels on machines/benches in between sets, as if marking territory, which is bad enough.  But the worst of this is, if I may channel my inner Steve Harvey, here go this sorry muthufucka right here just sitting on the bench, checking his phone.  When Bokolis is trying to fly through my sets as quickly as possible , this is the equivalent of an old lady driving 45 in the passing lane. Back then, that shit wouldn't fly; muthafuckas would've been tossed through the window by the meatheads or thrown out by management. In this age of cunts, you have to suffer their backtalk for being diplomatic. Prodding doesn't help because, instead of getting up and ceding the machine, they will immediately trudge through a set.

Instead of resting between sets - slash - puting the heat ray on them, I go off to do a set for another body part.  Bah, fuck it; at least I look good.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

growing up, with a hater rant

Bokolis will talk a little shit from time to time. I'm out there playing sports at (almost as) high levels (as my youth) when most people my age are getting busy dying. Along the way, I impart wisdom to my teammates, all of whom are younger and most much younger.

There are times when people ask me why I'm so fast in my old age. My response is usually that it's because I was super-fast in my younger age and this is what's left. I've also heard that, for a guy that doesn't walk all that comfortably, I sure run well. I tell them that's what the slow-roll is about.

When they bemoan their aches and pains, I needle them with the standard what're ya gonna do when you're my age! But, I always tell them to stay in shape for as long as you can, because you will enjoy playing that much more if you can still- as opposed to standing around, telling your teammates what to do while being too run down to do it yourself- do it after you wise up.

The banter and such tangible role-modeling is one thing, but I've been more and more cognizant that people are watching how I comport myself, how I move. You can call it checking me out, observing, whatevs. I don't know whether to be flattered or impressed, bemused or put off that people would consider Bokolis in choosing how to pattern themselves. For all my shit-talking and gray hair, I don't consider myself all grown up.

Not only that, I operate under the assumption that people are as oblivious of Bokolis as I am of them. I ain't tryna win no popularity contests. As it applied to sports, which was my operating currency in my youth...


Since I had no use for coaches or coaching for that matter, I reconciled early on that I was WAAAY to narcissistic and self-centered, self-absorbed, self-everything to be fucking with team sports. I had no designs on professional or even the high school team. My goal, whether it was baseball, football, basketball, handball, whatever, was to be that cat that could walk on and go toe-to-toe with the best guy on the team and, для меня, do it for me (never mind that they actually had Drago say Для тебя, for you...fudging the language was part of the propaganda- we now know that Stallone was the one on steroids and that Russians are flighty and soulless people; Rocky never would've won them over because they wouldn't have given two shits either way).

That kind of shit: benching what the football players benched, matching their 40-times, dunking at 5'9" (mainly because I couldn't palm the ball, I didn't do it more than a handful of times), shutting down the city champ soccer team in gym class (strangely, they were the only lot, coach too, that gave me real flak for it). Sort of like a playground legend- well, compared to THESE guys- I was better than good, but knew I wasn't THAT good (to be fair, there were guys that were better than I was and got the better of it against me, just not many). These guys didn't know they weren't that good and thought their varsity letters gave them status (it kind of did), so, in true turn-the-hottest-rapper-into-a-beer-vendor style, I thought it my place to check them.

Y'all should've seen what I did to the two best guys on my high school's handball team...playing them one on two, no less. They thought they were so cool because they played with the little (paddle) ball. Mayn, I learned my handball (and basketball) in the hood. Plus, I'm ambidextrous and each hand has unique shot-making ability. After I ran through each of them individually, to 21, I left the two of them on six or something.


At some point, I absorbed the idea that, for all my ability and attitude, I didn't want to wind up like Samuel L. Jackson's character in Fresh, so scared of success, being wracked by bitterness culminating with a boast of put them on the clock and I'll take out all those muthafuckas that reads more like a lamentation of lost opportunity.

And now...(smiley face) I'm the captain whenever I'm on the field. Maybe that's just how it goes.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Bum Rush

So, some banana on Yahoo! wrote about Rush Limbaugh thinking he now has license to use the casual term, nigga, mainly because of the performance of some bird in the Trayvon Martin-Zimmerman case.

Bokolis would say that Bum Rush is out of his god-damned mind, but it's already been established.  Bokolis would further say that the verdict was bullshit, but those jurors just didn't have the guts to convict Zimmerman.  Ultimately, Trayvon Martin got killed for being Black and nothing was done; it's another stain on our society that this can happen in 2013.  That's the way the cookie crumbles. 
Let's get something else straight- this differentiating of the terms and creation of the "softer" term is bullshit; it's the same word.  It's how you say it that matters.  If you say it around a Black person, it's up to them how to take it.  So, you better know your company.

Personally, I don't say it because 1) the Black people with whom I associate don't use it, 2) I want to steer clear of other white people- like the Yahoo! writer- running around with "racist" paint cans.

However, as a white boy having grown up in- and grown out of- the Ps, I dropped this word during my youth with relative impunity. Go to the 'hood today and you'll still see and hear the same thing from all manner of non-Blacks. It's just people- people who don't know, much less give a fuck about, Bum Rush or Yahoo!- adapting to their environment.

In my case, everybody knew what it was. If, after the drive started to stop using the term, I ever had my nose rubbed in it, it was more to convey the popular c'mon, man, to say, help us out here- we're trying to stop and you're not helping- never racism.  However, I did see my friends whoop up on other white boys for saying it.  Those white boys didn't say it like I said it; they were twisting the knife.

In the years after I left, when I'd see my old friends, I was razzed for both no longer using the word and embracing proper English.  I still say muthafucka- isn't that enough?

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Mijo Orlandito

A buddy sent along this piece about Steve Lavin and St. Johns trying to recapture eligibility for a bit-too-old recruit.

Here's a clip of this dude in action.

Has it really come to this for SJU?  Are there so few kids in this country willing to resign themselves to having to hang out at Iguana’s that Lavin has to recruit 25-year old Dominicans?  To be fair, I can't imagine the bar scene being worse, even in Mormon country.

I can see both sides of the issue. The nuances and addenda and all the other bullshit are silly but, the rules exist because they don’t want 25-year olds playing college ball. At 25, this kid really should have better things to do. If he has a b-ball fix, join a Meetup group or something. Then again, they should let him play simply for being a Dominican who doesn’t lie about his age.

To get a bit more practical and serious, the issue here is, how do you let this guy play without opening loopholes for more sinister entries? I don’t see any harm in letting this guy get his jollies with one year of eligibility. But, would, say, Calipari/Pitino/Huggins (insert your own shady ball coach here) use this to bring in all types of vagrants?  You know Tarkanian would've worked the cartels to land the finest assassin; his teams were nothing without Moses Scurry.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Come on out and Greet...

Just for shits and giggles, I looked into getting opening day tickets at shitti field so I can bring a sign that says, wait ‘til next year.  I was quickly reminded why I don’t want to give them business.  Single game tickets don’t go on sale until 3/1; if, like Bokolis, you'll have better shit to do that Friday, for now, you'd have to get one of those packs.

The one I picked let me pick one "marquee" game and 5 from among the rest.  Even though they haven’t sold out the opening day, they list it as one of three “marquee” dates- the other two being the Yankees dates.  Leaving aside that they don't let you select the cheap seats- I figure it would take them longer to come upstairs and kick me out, cunts that they are- I think they were charging $110 for outfield seats...typical Wilpon shit.  Haha!  Yeah, right.

I think the fact that they have 4 different categories of games- in ascending order, Value, Premium, Classic, Marquee- is even more insulting.  Who are they bullshitting; it's all the same shit.  The biggest insult of all is the final series against Milwaukee.  The Thursday game is Value; Friday is Classic; Saturday is Premium.  Three different categories for games that won't mean shit.  Premium means $140 for box seats that aren’t even that good.  You couldn’t pay Bokolis $140 to go there and make a mess for them to clean.

Below is a price chart, as big as I could make it, to the detriment of the formatting. Notice that, at the bottom, it says "Pricing may fluctuate due to dynamic pricing," implying that, if the Mets are still in it, they'll try and stick you up for even more money.  I presume that the flip side also applies:  when September 26 rolls around and they are so far out of it that they'll have to start 2014 five games back, these tickets will cost about four dollars and ninety-three cents.

In between now and then, if there is any karma, they'll get three days of pouring rain for July 15-17.

Friday, February 8, 2013

This little piggie cried...

Decio Lourenco saying fuck yo camera fool.  They say he was moving 110 km/h (~68.6 mph).

As soon as I saw the video still, I knew exactly wherethefuck this was.  Lourenco is heading down Kloof Nek in Cape Town, South Africa.  Kloof Nek is kind of the only road to get from downtown to Camps Bay- you can use Victoria Road to get to the beaches; it's more direct, but less practical- and head towards points south.  Lourenco is heading back towards downtown, starting from the turn-off for Table Mountain.  It appears to be about 6AM.  Of course, the vehicle on which the cam giving us the POV was mounted is what triggered the flash, not the skateboarder. I'm guessing the driver had the good sense to cover the plate.

Bokolis hated that sunamonbatching camera, so I take some pleasure at this cat thumbing his nose at the flash.  Beach bum that I am, I made the mistake of staying in Camps Bay- it was inconvenient to my business there- rather than in downtown.  As such, I was on that road back and forth.  Thankfully I cabbed it everywhere, because I'd've gotten enough speeding tickets to fill a wedding album.

Under it's-always-funny-until-someone-loses-an-eye, we have to balance our need for speed with our footprint on society.  While we can't have every other muthafucka firing down the hill like this, it's hard for Bokolis to call out this kid.  Frankly, this road is ideal for something like this; it would be calling me for sure.  Shee-yit, I'd've had cop cars blocking the side streets and waiting for me to take me back up.  Cape Town is basically on 40% discount for the US Dollar; with that kind of money, as Tony said, you can buy the supreme court.

Full marks to him for being minimally obstrusive, doing this in the early AM.  He also has cover from having a car trail him and they presumably understood how much clear road they had in front of them and understood the traffic patterns.  However, if he encounters a lubed-up, just-broke-night American who forgets what side of the road to drive on coming up the hill catches a pebble or some shit, it ain't like hitting a springbok.  Well, it might be; they could take his ass back to the township and eat him.

Monday, February 4, 2013

With A Flick of the Switch

Because I think everything on television is as bullshit as professional wrestling, they'll never get Bokolis to believe that some muthafucka at CBS didn't look at that 28-6 score and take matters into his Redstone's hands. That, after years and years of drubbings, we've had 10 consecutive compelling games (Colts-Bears not so much), with the last whitewashing now clouded by the coach possibly sandbagging the game, raises a people's eyebrow towards more engineered results.

The only time Bokolis really got excited during the game was when the Ravens recovered the fumble in the second quarter. I knew that to be the turning point. Their second TD was treated with a mater-of-fact it's just that easy and their third and fourth TDs were met with howling derision of the 49ers. After the Ravens ran back the kick out of the locker room, I was strutting around my living room like when I had the Cowboys back in XXVII.

Bokolis heard buzzing outside my window that Beyoncé turned it down and that's what caused the brown-out. I think it was the machine that pulls the extensions out of her hair that fried the motherboard.

I'll take this time to state that Bokolis has always a real distaste for Beyoncé...and not because she shot me down or some shit like that. To me, her bitches-gotta-get-paid projection, her whole persona, really, and her singing are overdone/fake.

I don't know much about all that Illuminati-stunt nonsense, but her ethered and murdered-on-his-own-shit husband has been rumored for years as being down. So, for all y'all know, she was fucking with y'all to wind y'all up.

As for her perceived hotness, Artie Lange's assessment- from the neck up she looks like Naomi Campbell; from the neck down she looks like Earl Campbell- is in line with Bokolis' view.

In any event, Bokolis wouldn't know if she turned it down because I wasn't paying attention until the other two- the valet and the other one- showed up. My television- or my imagination- allowed me to see not only the camel toe on the valet, but the razor bumps underneath the cat suit. Most of all, I was appreciating the other one's body.  Bokolis didn't hear any singing. But, I'll admit that I view artistic performance as tantamount to circus performance.

(deep breath and exhale)

Let's get off that bullshit.

Yes, the game- during the delay, I was already on, planning a celebration. But, my pet cynic knew there was some shit about to go down. Sure enough, after the Ravens had gone 9+ quarters of football, allowing only 2 offensive TDs, the 49ers sure caught up in a hurry, scoring TDs on consecutive drives. That's just what production wanted; the brown-out attracted the extra piles of eyes, and the comeback kept them.

As they couldn't stop telling you, Flacco is going to get pai-yay-yay-yay-eed. 11-0 TD-Int in the playoffs gets you Eli immunity; you can't ever fuck with 11-0. As for Kaepernick, he has Bokolis' respect as the dip to my disdain. Now let me see you do the same thing twice.

In whingeing about the non-call in the endzone on 4th down, Harbaugh-A (Jim) justified Bokolis' contempt. I'm a very much the cookie-crumbles-type, so when they didn't call holding on the 49ers on 4th down vs Atlanta, that's just how it goes (hitting the middle because of it kind of helped). This time, when the 49ers were on the womp side of the call, instead of being gracious, Harbaugh-A showed himself to be the cunt that he is, blowing off steam at the post-mortem.

He also complained about holding- a moot point- on the safety. For the Ravens to take a safety there was a no-brainer. Not only do you get to kick from 20 yards further upfield, but, by burning clock, you consign the opponent to have to run back the kick (unless you commit a penalty during the free-kick play). That is how Bokolis played it out in my head, replete with blatant holding. Since holding in the endzone results in a safety- which is the designed result of the play- you can hold all you want; don't break the hold until Hebner's 4-count you hear a whistle.

I might have used a field player instead of the punter. But, using the punter proved to be the correct play because the element of surprise- and blatant holding- allowed the Ravens to burn eight of the 12 seconds. If, say, Ray Rice was back there, the 49ers would've been tipped off and rushed 11. They plausibly could have forced the ball carrier out of bounds quickly enough to allow time for a return and one play from scrimmage.

Didn't happen though, leaving Harbaugh-A to whinge about holding without truly understanding what the holding accomplished. He probably didn't get the joke until Harbaugh-B explained the punch-line to him.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Rugby for fairies...Ray Lewis Testimonial match

As usual, Bokolis largely steered clear of the two weeks of wasted time leading up to Super Bowl XLVII...I used to be so good at Roman Numerals, but I couldn't tell you if that's 47.  Nonetheless, I heard that "they" tried their damnedest to lynch Flacco for allowing some form of the word "retarded" to come out his mouth.  Some other(s) spouted off about don't be havin' no homos in my locker room, as if the NFL isn't as gay a sport as it gets, this side of figure skating.  I heard about deer vel...huh?!  Then I remembered about IGF-1 and thought, yeah, that was some real shit right there.

I couldn't get away from the nonsense of rehashing Ray Lewis' involvment in an incident 13 years ago where two people got taken off of here.  The rehashing itself wasn't the nonsense, just that people want to keep rubbing his nose in it.  Out came the haters- as distinguished from bona fide criticism- howling about how he should be locked up and he's a murderer.  That's why they don't give y'all gavels.

Like most of them, Bokolis isn't interested in the facts of the case.  Unlike them, I'll admit as much- here's why.  Sometimes, what is worse than coming up against some more serious muthafuckas than you is to hang with some more serious muthafuckas.  If you get into some shit with some killers, unless they're in the business of knocking off cats, you can work shit out.  If it's your boys that's cooking the beef, if they're willing to take it farther than you're willing to go, you can't tell them shit...because while they're at it, they'll clip your ass too.

What I'm saying is that Ray was hanging with just such a couple of cowboys and found himself saying oh! shit! when he'd rather have just seen that shit squashed.  After helping in the cover-up- a criminal trial and civil trial later, he knows he lucked thefuck out.

Despite that he's tried to be reasonably cool act consistent with someone who knows he learned a relatively painless lesson, people continue to hate on him as if he's rubbing it in our faces.  You ask, how cool is he playing it with that pre-game dance?  Hey, men follow him and he acts accordingly.  We only see it because they make sure to show it.  Get it straight- the sports media, led, of course, buy the self-professed, are rubbing it in our faces.  Since y'all muthafuckas can't get off ESPN's dick, you're awash in fluff and the insignificant.  They will feed you whatever it takes to get you wound up because, if you're wound up, you're watching and clicking.

If need be, I wouldn't put it past them to put a couple of dead hookers in someone's room.

Ravens (+3.5) over 49ers:  I've gotten 4, but I'll use the most common line here.  The 49ers should have lost last time out; the Ravens should have lost in the divisional round.  Both of the 49ers' wins involved the opposition bitching out. The hiring of Jim Caldwell as offensive coordinator has brought out the best in Flacco, who, on his last two postseasons, has gotten Bokolis to leave him alone.  It comes down to whether you believe that the 49ers can keep the Ravens defense off-balance as they did with the Packers and Falcons, or that the Ravens will find something that works against Kaepernick and can continue to ride a productive Flacco to again do better than the previous week.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Bokolis was so giddy over hitting the middle in the early game that I didn't give a damn about the second game.  I realized that, Harbaugh Bowl and all, I could not root against Ray Lewis and the Ravens.  The world was shown yet again that, for all the cunty rules they run through to turn the NFL into arena football, football is still 90% hitting.

The Falcons succeeded in blowing that game where they failed the week before.  The 49ers kept running the same plays.  The Falcons never covered Vernon Davis, who somehow rediscovered that he could play, and were so shook on whether Kaepernick was going to run that they couldn't defend the 44 Lead.

Oh, and the 49ers DBs hold on every play, which the refs mostly let slide.  They also call penalties for incidental contact to the (Kaepernick's) helmet with an open hand (which went from a punt to a TD), but have no issue with a defender driving Matt Ryan's head into the turf.

In the last post, Bokolis told you about how the Falcons should have taken roughness penalties- I sugested to a friend that, when Kaepernick slides, they spear him and, as the first guy is rolling off of him, someone else come through for another spear...that'll learn the muthafucka- every time Kapernick involved himself in the play.  Well, the Ravens pretty much did that.  Eventually, they virtually killed a RB with a helmet-to-helmet, who wound up fumbling the ball and momentum.

I have more ways to make the NFL watchable, but Goodell is too busy hugging it up with draft picks to cut me a check and I'm not giving them out for free.

In any event, a split here leaves Bokolis 4-6 fo he playoffs on this medium and, with the benefit of capturing lightning in the line movements, 8-5 on the hard wire.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Rugby for Fairies Conference Championships 2012-13

I've noticed that Bokolis doesn't do as well at this stuff when I don't any teams I like in the tournament.  While I had the benefit of winning the Falcons because I sent it in early in the week (and softened the blow by taking the over on GB-SFO, mainly because I had no faith in the pick), for the purposes of this, I went a miserable 1-3 last week, leaving Bokolis 3-5 on the season.

It doesn't figure to get any better this week, as I see some disgusting scenarios.  In both cases, the lines have moved, and I locked in at different lines earlier in the week than what will follow.

49ers (-3.5) over FALCONS - I locked in +4.5 and will now try to hit the middle.  Like the rest of America, I don't really believe that Atlanta will win this game.  Nonetheless, I will be rooting for them because, I hate the 49ers, I dislike this Harbaugh more than that Harbaugh and I have a distaste for running quarterbacks.  I propose that the Falcons take as many 15 yard late hit penalties as needed on Kaepernick, as they'll probably make it up on the back end when he stops running because he knows he's going to get hit whether he's safe or not.  What's that; they can do that to your QB, too.  I don't know about y'all, but I used to bring burners to my football games.  Nobody did shit to my QB.

PATRIOTS (-7.5) over Ravens - If the 49ers win, I will be forced to root for the Pats so as to avoid a Harbaugh Bowl.  This is another game where I locked in the Ravens at +9.5 and hope to catch the middle.  I am fully aware that this looks like a even fight.  I believe that too.  Again, history tells us that this is where teams like the Ravens lose.

So there you have it.  I've made both picks that are contrary to both my rooting interest and what I would've done had the lines not moved.  Flaky to be sure, but I don't really give a shit.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Rugby for fairies, Divisional Round 2012-3

While my expected result for last week's games was to split, after Saturday, and, especially after the free spin we were tossed, I'm slightly annoyed to split.  I thought Vinatieri's miss scuttled my chances at the predicted backdooring the cover, with Griffin's and Shanahan's obtuseness stubborness derailing the RGIII fluff-athon.

Between the four games, Bokolis watched- maybe- about 4 quarters in total.  I just don't care.  I did listen to a good deal of Colts-Ravens on the radio as I was making the rounds.  I'll still give my take.

I was asleep for all but the last five or so minutes of the Texans.  Upon waking up, I was thinking, a hearty thanks to everybody that bet the line down to 4.  Even with Schaub throwing a TAInt, they still covered.  With one offensive TD, it must have been quite the stinker.

It's not often in life that someone tosses you a cookie.  As soon as I saw this Joe Webb was starting, it was one of those times.

Luck moved the ball on the Ravens; he just couldn't punch it in.

To everybody suddenly riding the Seahawks' dick, how good did they look when they were down 14-0.  This game turned when a knee couldn't.

On a side note, I so enjoyed watching Notre Dame get whupped.  I was so paranoid that they'd somehow get even more calls than they got during the season.  Thankfully, they got jobbed on a call and the floodgates opened from there.  They were not a No. 1 team.  They weren't a top five team.  They played NOBODY, yet played at a level of a two-loss team.  Now, everybody can get off their dicks.  I'd've liked to see Alabama put up 60, but Saban took his foot off the gas.  I'm kind of aggravated about that.

BRONCOS (-9.5) over Ravens - This line is what it is because the QB can score.  Or, maybe, like with the Patriots below, we're paying a premium.  While I doubt the Broncos will turn this into a laugher, unless the Ravens defense steps into a time warp or Flacco has an out-of-character game, I can't see how they're going to keep within striking range.

Packers (+3) over 49ERS - Ordinarily, I wouldn't touch this game.  I can't get a feel for this.  I'm going to bank on Rodgers' playoff hisory, the Packers getting healthy and on form at the right time, a diminished DT J. Smith and the circumstances getting the best of QB Kaepernick.  That's more nice things than I can think of for the 49ers.

FALCONS (-3) over Seahawks - Seahawks will suffer the 1PM game this week.  People have bet down Atlanta based on prior playoff duds, but bet them back up to 3 late in the week.  Big mistake, as the defense is better than it was during their two pastings.  So is their sense of urgency.

PATRIOTS (-9.5) over Texans - This line is what it is because the QB can score.  Or, maybe, like the Broncos above, we're paying a premium.  I guess people will look at the regular season lashing the Pats gave to Houston.  I'm looking more at the last week (and month), where the Texans played like crap and just about won against a side that never wins.  While I think the Texans' pride will impel them to not roll over as they did last time, Bokolis will be most surprised to lose this one.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Hall of Flame?

They are set to announce the voting results for the 2013 Hall of Fame class.  Notice that Bokolis didn't say, announce the inductees.  Apparently, they're not going to induct anyone this year.

I wonder how the speech list is going to go.  Will they get some umpire, or GM, or mascot up there to hum a few bars?  Maybe Bud will have something to say.  Maybe they'll just induct Dubya.  After all, the steroid era* pretty much jumped off in his locker room.

To make a point, the writers are going to freeze out everyone.  Their reasoning must be that, if the're not going to let in Bonds and Clemens- who, as the theory goes, would've gotten in without the steroids- they are not going to let in guys like Piazza and Biggio** ahead of them.

The cheating doesn't necessarily bother me, mainly because, unlike the voters, I'm not a sanctimonious fuck that thinks I have to prove a point.  I'm a narcissistic fuck who thinks I have a point to myself, of course.

It's not as if this period was distinct for its cheating.  "Cheating" has been going on as long as there has been baseball.  For that matter, cheating has been going on for as long as there's been civilization.  Anyone that thinks that drugs are out of baseball should tell that to the guys hopped up on Adderall and Provigil.

I was bothered these guys went so overboard that the veil lifted.  These guys were well beyond blatant, which is what it took for people to notice.

Bokolis is going to suggest- because they have to put in somebody (I know the votes are already cast)- put in Jack Morris.  Why?  Because, if I was stuck up in the tower and I had one game to save my life- and Pedro was vacationing in DR and unavailable- I'd run out Jack Morris.  What his pedestrian stats don't tell you is that he did what he needed to do to win the game.  If they got him 6 runs, he gave up 4 or 5, if they got him two runs, he gave up one.  As importantly, over the 15 viable years of his career, he averaged 7-1/3 innings per start.  If it came to that, I'll get Mo to get me the last five outs.

I gotcha, kid.

Can you imagine Jack Morris on the roids?  No?  Well, imagine Clemens off the roids; based on his career arc***, he'd've wound up slightly better than Morris.

* - Regardless of what the media is feeding y'all, the steroid era started in 1987, jumped off in the early 1990's and metastasized after the 1994 strike.  Also left buried by the media was that, while steroid use was already rampant by the late 1990's, starting in 1994 and running to about 2004, with the most outrageous degrees being from 1998 to 2002, the ball was juiced.  The ball being juiced was doing way more than the players being juiced.

** - By Bokolis' standards, Biggio is not a Hall of Famer.  However, based on the lower standards (Rice, Dawson, Puckett, Blyleven, etc.), he certainly fits.  After all, he has the most doubles of any right-handed batter.  Having the most of anything is a qualifier in and of itself.  Only Pujols and A-Rod have any shot of overtaking him.  The way it looks, A-Rod is going to need a new hip to catch Biggio and, let's face it, while Pujols is scheduled to turn 33 next week, he ain't no fucking 33.

*** - Assuming Clemens was on an enhanced regimen from the 1997 season, his prior 4 years suggest that, if he could even have lasted another four years- which is highly questionable- at the same performance level, he'd be at about 230-150 with about 3.20-ish ERA, 1.17-ish WHIP and over 3000K.  With three Cy Youngs and a MVP to his haul, that would've gotten him in.  As it was, his performance from 1997 onwards is HOF-caliber in and of itself.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Like the other idiots

I shirk my duties as a citizen- to question and challenge the corrupt muthafuckas governing us- by inefficiently burning off energy by watching drugged-up mongoloids perform actions that would be infinitely more fulfilling if I were out performing for myself.

So, that brings me to rugby for fairies, known to the commonfolk as the NFL.  Tournament football, even the gridiron kind, appeals to Bokolis.  While I've always known life to be a grind-it-out, longview endeavor, I love to be in the middle of it when it is hectic, on-the-clock crisis-mode.  After all, howthefuck will you ever know what you are if you never get to assess yourself in this kind of situation.  Are you the type who'd prefer to think who you are?

Like one such unnamed drugged-up mongoloid, I'm not here to talk about the past.  I'm here to prognosticate some uninteresting games.

TEXANS (-4) over Bengals:  Houston is reeling, the Bengals are rolling, are they?  I ain't having none of it.  I've seen this shit before.  The sputtering side is good for a win here.  Schaub will play better, Foster will run, the defense will do enough to see off Cincinnati, who always fucks up in these situations.

PACKERS (-7.5) over Vikings:  Everybody is riding Adrian Peterson's dick.  Great season though it was, this doesn't translate to the playoffs.  The Packers are going to stack the box and dare QB ponder to eat them.  Not many think he can do that.  Of course, if Peterson runs through the stacked box, Ponder...Ponder is going to have to beat them regardless.  Green Bay is going to throw up the same 34 they threw up last week.  Do you expect 27 from the Vikings, outdoors?

Colts (+7) over RAVENS:  I expect the Ravens to win, with the Colts backdooring the cover.  I want to believe the Ravens defense will hammer and overwhelm the rookie QB Luck, but I don't think the Ravens are quite there.  The Colts also come in on better form.  Even if Luck has a bad day, he has shown that he can play from behind.

REDSKINS (+3) over Seahawks:  Two rookie QBs for this one, neither of whom matter to me for these purposes.  They did Seattle a favor in making this the late game.  As usual, with the Seahawks, this is a home-road deal.  I'm not taking them as favorites on the road in the playoffs.

As if we didn't know

The merger of state and corporate power is steadily and surely cinching (Guardian & Ritholtz my co-conspirators) its lock on us.  The FBI, which doesn't fuck around, working in tandem with DHS and local police, put the hammer down on these Occupy cats.  The even had some help by the banks, which, while borrowing funds from the People, had private security gathering intel on people to share with the fuzz.

The corporate media was too busy trying to figure out how to pitch Occupy to bring this to light.  I'm not surprised by either, as I've been hip to the increasing degree, over 20 years, of quasi-facsist muzzling of dissent.  Media is there to bring you to advertisements, which sell you shit paid for with money borrowed from banks.

How's all that for a feedback loop?  Everything we do feeds this machine. We really are only free to work or starve.  Now, shut up and shop. 

I guess, the Devil had nothing to do, so he fucked his kids.