Shake on it

In case you didn't know, to invoke Simon Phoenix, the world has become a pussy-whipped Brady Bunch version of itself. that is to say, it's well-stocked with squirting cunts- and not the good kind, either.

Over the weekend, we saw said cunts in full spew over the Luis "Handball" Suarez- Patrice Evra non-shake. We've got all manner of pundits cum etiquette experts villifying Handball. We've got Rednose saying that Handball is a disgrace and doesn't deserve to play for Liverpool FC. Leaving aside that I happen to agree with him, albeit for different reasons, Ferguson should keep his fucking mouth shut about Liverpool FC.

In all this, hardly anyone came out to say, WTF are we doing shaking hands before the match, anyway? Since when did this become a schoolgirl operation? Can the player not have the autonomy of choosing whether to acknowledge his opponent? Say what you want, for many, sports serve as a proxy for war. If I want to search out a respected player and give him a pound, that should be up to me.

Mind you, this isn't to stick up for Handball. I held my nose when he transfered in, and they couldn't get rid of this muthafucka fast enough to suit me. When he knocked in Liverpool's goal on Saturday, Bokolis' response wasn't to cheer or to get excited at the prospect of salvaging a point from 80 minutes of crappy football and 5 minutes of god-awful football. I simply pointed out that Ferdinand- apparently busy thinking about what John Terry said about his brother- was showing his class there.

That's another fucking story.

From Handball's point of view, Evra is the rat who went and squealed on him, costing him some coin- for some bullshit that was between the two of them. So, even Handball has the right to take the stance of, fuck all y'all; don't tell me what to do. If I don't want to shake this muthafucka's hand, I ain't shaking it.

Evra chose to make it public. With Evra crying wolf, even in a she said-she said situation, they had to do something about it. At that point, the FA gets to decide- when the decision could've been Evra's alone- what's racist and what isn't. While the rational person would say that, it isn't what you say, it's how you say it, the FA doesn't have to play by that book. Not that it mattered much, as the how you say it part- go look up what was said, I'm not furthering such talk- was even worse than what was said.

Regardless, any racism shouts from anyone else are hollow shouts, coming from lazy muthafuckas that have no business shouting in the first place. These are two millionaires standing on level footing and the shit that was said was between the two of them. Evra could've handled his business. He could've called Handball out in the tunnel or wherever and stomped him the fuck out. Bokolis would've been the first one there telling Evra to fuck his ass up.

Leaving all that aside, Bokolis' position is that the players shouldn't be out there in a receiving line to shake hands. But, if they are going to line up, and Evra was willing to let it go, Suarez should've taken Evra's hand.

It's OK Little Brother, the Patsies won't be Fucking with you any Longer

...texted to Rex Ryan.

Well, Bokolis wound up going 7-4 during these playoffs, backing up last year's number.

Why did I go against my team? Too many mongoloids in suits picking the Giant's made me thing that the Pats were sold short. Under If ifs and buts...Welker had two hands on the game and it slipped through them like one of his bird's wet titties.

At least it was something approaching a real football game.

The Bowl

Patriots (-3) over Giants - Posting during first change of possession. No analysis offered. Oh, shit...a safety.

Here's what the mongoloids paid to pitch you sports in suits didn't tell you...

Both games were lost, as often happens, by someone bitching out.

Cundiff had to rush out there to take the field goal atempt. It's why Belichick, if he had any TOs (I don't remember, but I think he did) didn't bother to ice him. Harbaugh-A didn't pick up on this and didn't call time out to settle his kicker. After his special teams unit wasn't ready to try a 52-yarder a few minutes earlier- and I don't know why you wouldn't have tried it, down by three with a few minutes left- that coach is sure to get canned.

Hakeem Nicks' shoulder was jacked up to the point where he was only out there as a decoy. The 49ers surely picked up on this by the 2nd quarter, when Eli was throwing every ball to Victor Cruz, and bottled up Cruz. Eli was left to throw to the practice squad. The one time he threw to Nicks in the second half, Nicks bailed on the pass and the two DBs nearly wound up killing each other.

Harbaugh-B's play selection was markedly different depending on his starting field position. Any time the 49ers started inside their own 35, he clammed up. This indicated that he didn't trust Alex Smith. Further indication of this is the 49ers dismal 3rd down conversion rate. They twice completed 3rd down passes for less than enough yardage.

In fact, two-thirds of the 49ers offensive yardage came on about 7 plays. The other 50 produced little more than 100 yards. This is what happens when you take away your QB's balls.

As bad as Flacco played- he left two touchdowns on the field; one on that early bomb to Torrie(?) Smith and another on the rollout left where he threw to the tight end(?) when the fullback in the flat, a much easier pass, had a walk-in touchdown- he put the ball in Lee Evans' hands. I'd like to tell you that the Ravens broke the golden rule of football (Never leave the game up to your kicker), but they had it.

That was a shit 4th down spot on Jacobs' run. But, as horrid as he is (the hole was there for him to blow through), he deserved no better. He was largely ignored in the later portion of the game because the coaches had lost all remaining faith in him.

There was plenty of crap called on the Giants whereas next to nothing was called on the 49ers. Calling an illegal contact penalty on 3rd & 19 is about as cunty as it gets. Calling a personal foul after letting three linemen gang up on one guy is horseshit. Taking 37 seconds to spot the ball (after a kneel-down) before Tynes' winner, then calling a delay of game penalty.

Of course, the Giants did get the benefit of the forward progress call that, while technically correct, was a quick enough whistle that spared the Giants from having to sweat a replay appeal. But, that is pretty much why the forward progress rule exists; so the defense can't hold you up and strip you right before you hit the ground. So, I don't feel bad.

In any event, Bokolis takes both games and heads to the Bowl 7-3 for the playoffs. I think I got some gators coming.

Rugby for fairies, 2012 Conference championships

This is where we git down with the git down.

Ravens (+7.0) over PATRIOTS - I have a hard time believing the Ravens are going to beat the Patriots and, given their sniping of Flacco, for whom I have no respect, they are candidates to bitch out. This is my attempt as a value bet, as I think the last week's respective performances are being overvalued. The Ravens are going to need turnovers and a fast start.

Giants (+2.0) over 49ers - I think the range of results are from Giants +17 to Niners +7. I have a hard time believing the 49ers are going to move the ball on the Giants. Things ar going to have to go wrong for the GIants to lose.

In both cases, I'm going to get fancy with some supplementals. I'm taking the 11-1 that the Pats game lands on the number. I'm also buying the point to get the Giants at +3. It means laying 6-5, which isn't much.

I need a nap for this.

Hey Franchesco! take the Gzziantsh and the points bihch

That's what I imagine what Jeff the drunk would sound like if he called in to Francesa's sh...usual talking to himself, for himself that passes for programming. It’s amazing how he authoritatively tries to pass off his mistaken rehashing of the game (somewhere, Russo is saying, getting’ old, Mikey, haheheha). He yelled at some guy who had the audacity to tell him that the fumble play was originally called a fumble, then changed by another official, then challenged by the Giants, upon which the call stood. After dressing down the caller in the face of being corrected, instead of accepting the caller’s view, he retrenched, re-tracked and revised until he eventually decided that there was no call on the field and that the referee made the call from inside the peep show.

This is nothing new as, when his ignorance is shown to him, he will resort to all manner of bullshit to bluff his alleged authority.

As more and more callers called in wanting to spew about the fumble call, he scolded the callers for making so much of the call when the Giants won the game and, realizing that the callers had the jump on him, to not call up to talk about it. Let's leave aside the sad state that he could never have his finger anywhere close enough to the pulse of his “audience” to realize that the venting is for all the crappy officiating that we’ve seen in the two games and that people are so focused on the officiating because they know the Giants have the best team.

Whothefuck does he think he is- Rush Limbaugh- telling his audience what to think? Lie to yourself all you want that the world isn't passing you by, jagoff. Don't lie to us and don't ever think that you know more than the people. You're only there because you can sell advertising, which keeps Chernoff on the dick.

I'd like to tell you that he lost his mind with all the fat. But, he's always been that way. As I said, he is talking sports to himself, for himself. The rest of us are there to be pitched commercials.

Ehhh, wot I say?

Now, after telling that Packers fan that the Giants would win by two touchdowns, I've got to deal with my crushed boss. Upon hearing me talk it up, he was willing to take the Packers at (+13.5). I wonder what that would've gotten me.

The Giants do Bokolis two better, going +3 in the turnover battle, and crush the 15-1 and done Packers. Well, it would've been +4 if not for those bungling officials and borderline-criminally bad referee. Looking back, the Packers scored their two touchdowns on drives prolonged by questionable referee's decisions. As far as I'm concerned, the Giants defense pitched another shutout.

Always planning for the worst, I was looking for inflection points. That horrid reversal and replay non-reversal was one possible point. I'd like to tell you that my tirade was expletive-laced, but there weren't enough regular English words.

The other possible one was when, after Umenyiora poked the ball out of Rodgers' hand, just as he was about to throw a TD to a wide-open receiver, the horrid spot on Ware's 3rd down carry forced a 4th down and a punt.

The third was when, with about 9 minutes left on a 2nd down in the red zone, Jacobs was outside on an island with just the corner and, instead of 'dozing him, he tried to get the corner and was leg-tackled. Can you tell I can't stand this muthafucka? The conservative 3rd down formation indicated that the Giants were going to take the field goal and a 10-point lead.

Instead, I get to dwell on Nicks' touchdown catches- neither was the turning point...the first one was indicative of what a winning team does and the second helped out.

It could have been one of the Packers' many dropped passes. Bokolis' attitude is that, in many games like this, one team will bitch out. Those dropped passes were the manifestation of the Packers bitching out and are- like Rodgers mising a few relatively easy passes- what losing teams do.

The turning point was likely Osi's strip of Rodgers. While, the outcome was that it only served to further slow the Packers, they probably would've gotten their shit together, while introducing doubt into the Giants.

Off of four consecutive wins of at least two touchdowns, up next are the despised 49ers. The hate of post-season battles past will build up. Contrary to what the dried-out-juicehead mongoloids pushing sports in suits will tell you, there is plenty of room for improvement. They didn't play all that well...they played a team that bitched out. Bokolis is very impressed by the 49ers, as they are one of the few teams I've seen that really know how to cover.

So, after getting hooked in the Ravens game (which I'd've never touched), Bokolis goes 3-1 in the divisional round and stands at 5-3 for the playoffs. I already know which way I'm going for the conference championships. That's all the fuck I got for now. I just hope the lines behave.