Sunday, February 1, 2009

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

Why would a guy that calls American football "rugby for fairies" kick it about tennis? As an old night owl, live sports in the wee hours is the shit like the McDonald's that used to be on Fulton, back in the day. Because it gave me something to do, over the years, I've tuned in to the Aussie Open.

Federer is- allegedly- the best player of all-time. As I type, he's in the final, attempting to tie Sampras for most majors. Let's say that he's at least 50-50 to eventually overtake Sampras. The problem with calling Federer the best ever is that his finals opponent, Nadal, consistently brings out the bitch in him.

Nobody ever brought out the bitch in Sampras. Even on clay, where playing must have felt as futile as trying to run on ice, it was like, aren't you supposed to used this stuff to make pottery or some shit. Of course, the clay is in France. The French tried their hardest to bring out the bitch in Sampras. They would have succeeded when they beat him in the Davis Cup, but, as they proved by the ensuing Yannick Noah-led conga line (or whateverthefuck it was), in any situation, the frogs are always the cunts.

Personally, I like Federer to Nadal. I'm sure it's been said that Nadal looks like Vega from Street Fighter. But, he reminds me of Poof-naldo...I just can't be down with that.

Anyway, Nadal's advantage over everybody else is the intense pressure he puts on his opponents. I mean, I can't imagine that tennis players are the toughest bunch of cats. Nadal's physical prowess is the exception. For the most part, everybody buckles. Federer, pimp of the year for about the last six, is unfazed and well-equipped to withstand Nadal. Federer has exposed that Nadal is just a guy who can run down shots, not a tennis player. The tennis player is supposed to win that fight, but imtimidation invariably creeps into the mindset.

And, Federer has got to get himself a hotter bird. I mean, she's cute, in a way that slightly overweight birds can be. But, c'mon!

All that said, I still think Federer will win, if only because Nadal can't have a full tank.

Let's cut the shit; the focus is more on the women, and not just because almost all the birds have smokin' hot bodies. The game is more to people's speed. But, aside from commenting on the birds' bodies, there isn't much to say. That's because, naturally, the top player doesn't have said smokin' hot body. She is all udders and rump. Because she can't be bothered to fully devote herself to her profession, half the time, she can't get in a serve or hit the ball straight. She takes off points, even games. But, Williams Brother Serena has the pimp hand strong. When it's winning time, she's smacked up more Russian birds than an Albanian mobster. All the while, the mom is mackin' in the players' box, obviously the head pimp in charge. Those are three ugly broads, BTW...the mother and the other Williams Brother.

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