Shake on it

In case you didn't know, to invoke Simon Phoenix, the world has become a pussy-whipped Brady Bunch version of itself. that is to say, it's well-stocked with squirting cunts- and not the good kind, either.

Over the weekend, we saw said cunts in full spew over the Luis "Handball" Suarez- Patrice Evra non-shake. We've got all manner of pundits cum etiquette experts villifying Handball. We've got Rednose saying that Handball is a disgrace and doesn't deserve to play for Liverpool FC. Leaving aside that I happen to agree with him, albeit for different reasons, Ferguson should keep his fucking mouth shut about Liverpool FC.

In all this, hardly anyone came out to say, WTF are we doing shaking hands before the match, anyway? Since when did this become a schoolgirl operation? Can the player not have the autonomy of choosing whether to acknowledge his opponent? Say what you want, for many, sports serve as a proxy for war. If I want to search out a respected player and give him a pound, that should be up to me.

Mind you, this isn't to stick up for Handball. I held my nose when he transfered in, and they couldn't get rid of this muthafucka fast enough to suit me. When he knocked in Liverpool's goal on Saturday, Bokolis' response wasn't to cheer or to get excited at the prospect of salvaging a point from 80 minutes of crappy football and 5 minutes of god-awful football. I simply pointed out that Ferdinand- apparently busy thinking about what John Terry said about his brother- was showing his class there.

That's another fucking story.

From Handball's point of view, Evra is the rat who went and squealed on him, costing him some coin- for some bullshit that was between the two of them. So, even Handball has the right to take the stance of, fuck all y'all; don't tell me what to do. If I don't want to shake this muthafucka's hand, I ain't shaking it.

Evra chose to make it public. With Evra crying wolf, even in a she said-she said situation, they had to do something about it. At that point, the FA gets to decide- when the decision could've been Evra's alone- what's racist and what isn't. While the rational person would say that, it isn't what you say, it's how you say it, the FA doesn't have to play by that book. Not that it mattered much, as the how you say it part- go look up what was said, I'm not furthering such talk- was even worse than what was said.

Regardless, any racism shouts from anyone else are hollow shouts, coming from lazy muthafuckas that have no business shouting in the first place. These are two millionaires standing on level footing and the shit that was said was between the two of them. Evra could've handled his business. He could've called Handball out in the tunnel or wherever and stomped him the fuck out. Bokolis would've been the first one there telling Evra to fuck his ass up.

Leaving all that aside, Bokolis' position is that the players shouldn't be out there in a receiving line to shake hands. But, if they are going to line up, and Evra was willing to let it go, Suarez should've taken Evra's hand.

Liver-cesspool

As we approach Sunday's cup tie with the filthy manc cunts, Bokolis will reflect on the state of Liverpool LC. More pointedly, I will examine what it took for us to get to this sorry state, where the fmc are on course to overtake 'Pool with a 19th League while Liverpool are on course to miss out on Europe next season.

Fans often blame the coach when the players look shyte. But, as people call for Hodgson's job, have they not considered that this squad looked shyte from the beginning and was put together by prior regimes? By that rationale, Hodgson must have worked magic when they ran Chelski, especially since Chelski have since gone into a tailspin.

It is the coach's fault when the team always looks awful, even when the team is awful. But, when you have an awful team, blaming the coach is sort of like blaming Obama for running the debt to $14T without regard to how the first $13T was racked up.

Unfortunately, Liverpool is suffering the combined effects of two terrible courses of action. Half of the team was owned by a man dumb enough to buy something from Goerge W Bush. Tom Hicks, having fallen ass-backwards into the Texas real estate boom, together with his partner in bungling, George Gillett, had (a la Fred Wilpon) pressed his luck in the hopes of cashing in on the new stadium payday. When that well dried up, it disastrously affected their ability to bring in top tier talent. The brink of bankrupcy has ousted Hicks and Gillett, at the expense of misfortune and mediocrity.

Of course, that's only half the problem. The other half came in the form of the fat Spanish waiter, Rafa Benitez. Benitez gutted the youth system, failing to develop a single player from within. It was one thing to bring in quality like Luis García and Xavi Alonso. It's another to start bringing in the third tier Riera and Arbeloa and third tier Brazilians Fábio Aurélio and Lucas...that fucking Lucas...he must have been Benitez' mistress or something. They brought him Keane, Benitez shunned him and they sold Keane for 60% of what they bought him after 6 months. They brought Benitez Aquilani- Benitez treated him as though he found out Aquilani was banging Lucas on the side.

Hey, Hodgson isn't the answer (neither is Obama, for that matter). But, like Obama, he didn't create the problems. Moreover, having this team overachieve and get to, say, 6th place would only further delude those who think a top four spot is merely a few tweaks away.

Watching Liverpool pull Champions League victories (Benitez won it in 2005 with Houllier's team) out of the hat while struggling to stay top four in the League (while clinging to its history) pulled the wool over most people's eyes. Bokolis could sense this coming for a few years. As the stadium deal soured, I knew there would be a day of reckoning.

Having never been to Liverpool, I imagine that, at its best, it is sort of like Pittsburgh; at it's worst, Detroit, and can probably be categorized as somewhere between Pittsburgh and Cleveland. All three of those are dying cities, with Pittsburgh having done the best job of re-inventing itself. I feared the team was dying in the same way.

With fuck-ups of this scale, they will be lucky to avoid relegation. The current cycle hasn't even hit rock bottom. Rock bottom will be when Stevie G, who has got about one solid season left in him, which he will surely look to convert into 4 years of salary somewhere else, leaves and no one is there as he was when Macca left and Owen was when Fowler left. Torres - well, he only plays about a half season anyway, what's it matter if he leaves?

So, it doesn't matter who they bring in. Liverpool will be feeling the effects of the mis-management- both by the fat Spanish waiter and the two dumbshits- for at least a few years...and, that assumes the current regime can both rebuild the youth system AND go on a City-esque spending spree to hold over the fans.

What will hold Bokolis over is putting one over on the fmc. As it is, asking what took so long to get to 18 will lose its effect once the fmc get to 19.

The team that gays together...

The guy at Getty Images that snapped this should get a Pulitzer. To me the funniest thing was that, when I right-clicked to download, the name of the file was "Nevillegay..." I think the secret's out, ye filthy manc cunts ye. I tell you, with the fmc's last gasp winner over City, I'm starting to think Rednose must have some incriminating pictures of Satan. Nobody's deal lasts this long.

Sol, Sol...

There was Sol Campbell, back in the Champions League, either to turn back the clock, or re-prove that even a broken one is right twice a day.

He didn't look altogether inspired, more heavy than a heavy. But he played with he urgency of a man getting one last shot at the big time and pulled Arsenal level after their keeper bundled home Porto's opener.

You know it must have burned the arse of every Spurs supporter just a little bit more to see Sol come in off the street and score in a UCL match. He probably scored while they were in the middle of one of their chants at the pub.

Well, Sol giveth and Sol help taketh away. Using tactics he must have picked up during his stint at Notts County, when there was no need to do so, he just had to get a touch on a ball heading back towards the shaky keeper, Fabianski. The keeper played no small part in this hash. No only did he fail to call off Sol, he picked up the backpass. Then, instead of stalling (to the point of getting booked, if need be) so he could get a wall set up, handed the ball right to the referee, who handed the ball to Porto.

A pass and a shot later, it was one of the easiest goals you'll ever see...clownish. Wenger was left to whinge about the referee letting Porto quickly take the indirect. This is the same mook that let Henry get way with a carry, but he can't be blamed for this disaster.

Nonetheless, the Gooners are far from fucked. But, while there is talent, they don't exactly have a striker to bag up a couple of goals. Adebayor, Adebayo-oor would be pretty good to still have right about now.

As for Milan vs the fmcs, what can I say except, Rooney is a bad muthafucka. It's Bokolis' turn to have his ass burned. I've gotten about as much as I expected out of Milan this year, but crashing out at the hands of the fmcs is never easy to take.

Are You Ready for Some Foootbaaaalll!!! 2009-10

Normally, Bokolis doesn't care about the part of the football season played before the group stage of the Champions League. But, the FAs insist on starting the season earlier and earlier each year. The EPL is going to be at least 5 games in before September and they are playing a Milan Derby in August. I know we're in a WC season, but c'mon.

Anyway, I've had to adjust accordingly. This is a new era for the red and black fist, so I've had to assess the damage. Well, I've already assessed the damage; I'm just logging my assessment.

Maldini has finally been allowed to go home and they cashed in Kaká, so Ancelotti correctly figured that this would be a good time as any to get the fuck out of there. So, were left with a Ninja Turtle in charge...errr, yeah, but may as well be. They are now left with a bunch of second rate Brazilians who may as well be on holiday. Just like Milan floundered when Baresi retired, so too will they now. It may be worse now because there are no winners left. Well, there's Gattuso and Seedorf...exactly. Nesta is the only one that so much as masquerades as a quality Italian defender. Ambrosini swears he's good enough to play more than part time. Pirlo is the new Albertini; utterly useless.

We turn to Liverpool, which have, in Tom Hicks, roughly the football equivalent of the Wilpons as (one of) its owner(s). Because, like most deals where Dubya is the seller, it was probably a rigged deal, Bokolis won't go so far as to say that, having purchased the Texas Rangers from the second dumbest man on Earth, Hicks is indeed the dumbest man on Earth. He may be, but I won't let it enter into the analysis.

Like the Wilpons, Hicks and Gillette were keen to cash in on the new stadium payday.

As with the Wilpons, a funny thing happened on the way to the windfall. Both were stung by the prevailing economic conditions. Wilpon's attendance was hurt by the Wall St. set having fallen on hard times, a shit team and its plight and falling victim, to the tune of, depending on who you believe, anywhere from $300MM to $700MM, to Bernie Madoff. The credit shitstorm led to the financing pool drying up on Hicks and Gillette.

So, while Wilpon managed to get his homage to the Brooklyn Dodgers completed, all Hicks and Gillette have is a deed and (can someone go check) broken ground. Liverpool supporters are seething and they want the Yanks to go home, ostensibly in favor of some Dubai group (as if having some nouveau riche Arabs as owners should inspire confidence in management).

What's worse for Hicks and Gillette, they put in place short-term financing, figuring they'd have the place built by now. Those notes are now coming due and they don't really have the scratch. That means, of course, that they've had to sell off some talent. Most notably, while Madrid were throwing around money, Xabi Alonso was sold off for 30 million. That's quid.

Of course, they couldn't replace him, so they're stuck for creativity in midfield and they didn't have any wing play to begin with. This creates messes on the field. And, when those messes are created, Stevie G relegates himself to running around to clean up. He does it just fine but- talk about misplaced resources- it comes at the expense of destroying any semblance of flow.

Nonetheless, I figured that they could do enough so that, with Poof-naldo also moving to Madrid, the filthy manc cunts (fmcs) would slip even more, that Arsenal and Chelski would not gain enough to put the League out of reach. The fmcs have indeed slipped but, after seeing today's match with Arsenal, Fergie must have also taken out a line of credit on his deal with the devil.

So, it's not even September and it seems that both leagues- never mind the Champions League, which is what matters most to Bokolis- are already fucked. Since the fmcs have equalled Liverpool's 18 Leagues and stand an excellent chance of overtaking, the final piece of shit-talking is, what the fuck took you so long?

Who the Fcuk...are man united?

As they showed all season that they could lock down the opposition, Europe was United's to win. Savor the flavor, fuckheads.

Chelski...so unreliable.

I suppose it was easier to take because the poof missed his spot kick and didn't even have the character to go celebrate with his teammates. Instead, he rolled around on the pitch, in a crying fit that would shame a schoolgirl.

You'll never convince me that this punk isn't a fudgepacker. He looks like the type that would let a chic strap one on.

Let's see if this works...further proof of what a disgusting player this douchebag is.