Wednesday, January 8, 2014

señol, pol favol

Yasiel Puig getting bagged for doing 110 on Alligator Alley

So here's this fucking banana, hammer-down. He emerges from the car in flip-flops and a too-tight t-shirt. It really shows you how clueless and vulnerable he is that he's meekly blathering to the cop in Spanish, the equivalent of gimme a chance, sir, with the über-slang señol, pol favol in effect. Turning the r to l and blanking the s is some real talkin' the lengua hood shit...que tu cree, ah?

The FHP officer must have known it was Puig, because he was patient with Puig when Puig wouldn't follow directions.

Then the roly-poly "cousin"- Bokolis couldn't make out whether he spoke any coherent English- gets out of the car, only to be yelled at by the cop, who, while abundantly patient with Puig, can't take any chances as to primo's intentions.

Meanwhile, the Dodgers, knowing how vulnerable this kid is, having come from a repressed to a decadent society, don't sit him down to have a facts-of-life talk with him. They'll probably coddle him off the field as they have on it. What do they give a shit? They're only paying him $2M for '14, which is not much investment risk.

Meanwhile, the agent, who already shit on his client by allowing the Dodgers a pay structure resembling an American player, doesn't grab this kid and have a real talk with him. With Puig's contract back-loaded as it is, though he can afford a shirt that fits, this cat hasn't yet cashed in. If Puig winds up diving into the swamp, drowned and eaten by a python, unless he took out a policy, that agent ain't seeing shit.

Now, if you've driven on Florida's Turnpike or Alligator Alley, you know that, while the speed limit is 70, if you drive 80-85 in the left lane, you'll get passed off by old ladies giving you the finger. From the feedback I'd gotten, anyone that was pulled over was doing at least 100. So, the first time Bokolis drove on the turnpike, I went by a FHP doing 89 (in cruise control, deliberately staying under 20 over) and the cop didn't even look at me. I took that to mean that I could drive a buck ten and did Orlando to where traffic starts in North Miami in 2:45.

So, if it seems excessive that Puig was getting arrested for doing 110 in a 70, it's because there's less room for a stern word and a summons these days. The truth is, the cop was probably doing Puig a favor, teaching him a relatively painless lesson to lay off the gas, both off the field and on it.

If the cop got spooked by primo and accidently slammed the door on Puig's ankle, I bet the Dodgers and his agent would have given a fuck then. If he panicked and shot primo in the ass, I don't think anyone would've much cared.

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