Saturday, January 23, 2010

Rugby for fairies...2010 Conference Championships

After an 0-4 washout, Bokolis stands at 2-6 for the Playoffs, with no shot of salvaging. Right about now, I'd be calling guy number 3 trying to win back what I was in for to guys 1 & 2. The funny shit was that guys 1 & 3 knew each other. They probably had some fun- among other things- at my expense. Hehehe. I was one of the chosen few that got it all back in the end...more stories for another time.
COLTS (-7.5) over Jets - The bottom line is that the Colts still haven't lost a game in which they were trying to win. It's true that they haven't covered all that much and 7 and a hook is a lot of wood to lay. But, history (both NFL and the Jets') tells us that this is where the Jets fall short.

It's more than that. Last time these two played, the Jets didn't score an offensive TD on the Colts' first team. The Colts had quite a few bounces go against them, which is what kept that game close. The only reason P. Manning played that drive in the 3rd Quarter was because the Jets ran the opening kickoff back for a TD. His directive for that drive was to score a TD so that they could say they left with the lead.

The Colts have a further advantage of having gone up against a very similar defense last week. The results were decidedly mixed; 6 good minutes propelled the Colts, even though they produced none of the big plays and couldn't run worth shit. They didn't need another reason to have something to prove. The Jets will have similar issues trying to score against a team with the heart to close the deal.

SAINTS (-3.5) over Vikings - With the exception of the game against the Cowboys, the Saints have performed when the lights were shining brightest. The Vikings were a terror at home, but calling their road performance pedestrian would be kind. They've lost 4 of their last 5 on the road. It's about time this little fairy tale ends.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

America's Game?

While watching the NFL Playoffs is still a worthwhile endeavor, Bokolis typically puts on regular season games to fall asleep. Hey, I'm all over the map for 13 days out of 14, usually going on 4 hours sleep. I need a day here and there to recharge.

In that regard, the Jets have usually been my patron. But, generally, I find NFL broadcasts boring. Most of the broadcast teams are terrible, but it's not about that. Despite not giving a fuck about college football, I can more easily sit through a game, even though they last longer than NFL games and the announcers are usually worse.

I've gone on about all the commie rules and their misapplications. But, the reason I commonly give is that there is no action; most of the time, they're just dicking around. Well, the Wall Street Journal, of all things, has quantified those are some fuckers with nothing to do. Considering that we're in the middle of a shitstorm unlike any most of us have ever seen, you'd think they'd have hunted down those responsible or, at least, devote their energy towards figuring out what our government government does withour taxes.

The citizenry's loss is the football fans' gain. NFL games run about 3 hours or so. As it turns out, the time spent on air is a little under two hours, with the difference being commercials. That's criminal in itself, but practically inescapable. Out of the time on air, almost 60% is spent watching the players dicking around in the huddle, grabbing each others' nuts in the pile-on, or craning at the sideline trying to figure out if they should be on or off for the next play.

They give you all this other minor bullshit that goes on. It seems that we don't get enough cheerleaders and there was nothing about the sideline broad getting cock-whipped. That's some bullshit.

Game action is typically about 10-12 minutes per game. All that fuss, all those buffalo wings and other fat people food for 12 minutes of action. That's less bang for the buck than UFC, hardly enough to satisfy people's bloodlust. To be fair, that probably doesn't count the part of the game where the QB repeatedly yells out "Omaha!" and raises his right leg, lest we figure out that he knows fuck-all about what he's doing...that's exciting shit right there.

This is the part where Bokolis usually offers a suggestion as to how to fix the problem. Someone had it right the first time; it's called rugby. You have a thing for the forward pass, you say. There's always college football. I have to think there is more game time because of all the clock stoppages. But, the games also take close to 4 hours, without overtime. The networks won't have that. I guess you could take some time off the clock and re-institute clock stoppages so as not to lose any plays like they did when they eliminated some clock stoppages.

The ptb at the NFL would rather spend their time redefining and reinterpreting what constitutes a catch. It ain't much, but that's all the fuck I got.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

crashed out

wrote this sunday night, got sidetracked had to come to work to finish it.

What a fuckin' disaster! My old boss used to say that all the time. Almost always an exaggeration, he would say it with a matter-of-fact cadence (he is not an excitable guy) that would belie any disaster.

Similarly, Bokolis' 0-4 disaster- that's what happens when I pick these games without watching much of them- would be a problem if I were actually going to the window. In those days, I'd be looking to double down on college and pro basketball right about now (Sunday night). I was all too happy to se the Jets pull it out. After being on the wrong side of 3 blowouts, having picked against them, I knew they'd cover.

You'd have thought that Norv would take the heat- and, I gather that he's gotten his fair share of abuse over it. But, he also scored a contract extension. Granted, it was his team's lack of heart that did them in more than his strategy, but....errrr....huh?!?
I could see the bolts were shook, even when they were winning. The Jets are an excellent tackling team and I think the bolts tired of it. The Chargers' body language indicated that they had lost confidence, either in themselves and/or the game plan. LD fake-ass LT was nowhere, Jackson was blanketed and Quivers was too shook to throw the ball straight to anyone else.
The biggest whore moment was when Shonn Greene blasted through the hole, bowled over the DB and accelerated and separated from the rest of the bolts. That was criminally poor.
Down 10 and having to take chances, they finally got it back together.
Odd though, that Norv would go for the onsides kick with 2:14 remaining and a timeout remaining. It was a given that the Jets would run three times. At worst, the bolts would have gotten the ball with a minute and 70 yards- assuming Sproles didn't pop the return- to go. I say 70 yards because, you don't think that dodgy kicker would have made a field goal over 30 yards, do you?

As it turned out, while the kick itself was well executed, the only two players in position to recover were Jets. Rhodes bobbled and still no Charger was in the frame. The favorable field position inflated the Jets' balls- during the timeout, I texted a Jets fan, "What would Herman Edwards do?"- so as to go for it on 4th and 1...didn't count on that, did ye Norv? I think it's safe to say that Rex Ryan wouldn't have went Belichick from his own 29.
Yet, Norv escapes the heat AND gets re-upped. Maybe he could use some of that scratch to get himself a Ray Handley.
About Farve, as much as I could never stand this cunt, it's no place to bitch about his running it up after the fact. While you're on the field, you can take regulation into your own hands, fuck the sanctions. After he went up top the first time on 4th down, the Cowboys should have been looking for an opportunity to take a shot at him. That he did it again shows why they got stomped.
And Wade gets to come back, too. Awesome! And so does Bokolis, to salvage a respectable record. I've got the picks all worked out, too.

Rugby for fairies...2010 Divisional Sunday

It's not often that you see a team lose 20-3 and feel that not all that much was solved. It's also not often you see one team make all the big plays, only to have them all nullified, either by refs trying to get on TV or by their own bungling. Fucking hell, what a crash that would have been.

Cowboys (+3) over VIKINGS - All right, so that declining momentum theory didn't work so well yesterday. The jefe, a Farve flunkie says that, if the Cowbys win, we all have to work tomorrow. I just want to defy him.

CHARGERS (-7) over Jets - The Jets can do everything right and still come out on the wrong side of the number.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The jumpoff

One of the funniest things ever was watching the Saints coaches and players huddled around the picture of of them getting smoked for a 70 yard TD run on the first play. It reminded me of every construction job where the bosses are standing around trying to figure out how they're going to work around all the fuck-ups and shortcuts they've taken.

I'm thinking, wow, the fingerprint hasn't even left the mouse and here's my point about the Cards ringing true. Then, someone answered back, slow your roll cowboy. This is like the first seven of 80. The Saints don't turn the ball over like McNabb, Delhomme and the Packers did. Before I could check my whiskey for hallucinogens, it was tied. Before I could check again, the WR coughed up the ball.
The ease with which the Saints scored their second touchdown set off all the alarms. The Cardinals are scared to tackle. They can't even get in front of the Saints. Now, they actually held the Cards. Damn, Reggie Bush looks for real. This is how he used to run for USC. dudes can't even see him. 21-7 is a muthafuckin' problem (2:26) like DMX. So, we stand between quarters and the only thing that can stop the Saints is their own resolve. How timely then, that the quarter gives them an opportunity to reflate their balls on 3rd down. Well, what do you know, the Cards held. Maybe they do want to play.
Oh, shit, a pick. They said that once Warner is sacked, he has the tendency to give up the ball. Wow, they called a blow to the head, nullifying the pick...great, because they missed a more obvious one on the last drive...too many fucking rules. The KWM has adjusted by going underneath because the Saints aren't letting them take what was there last week. 21-14; pretty easy after the penalty. Offside on the PAT Do they grow some balls and onsides kick from the 35?
No balls of course, and the Saints torch them again. Fuck, another pick, where the fuck was he throwing it? just like th- oooooffff Warner got leveled. There he goes to the locker room. Ah, holding. 2 minute warning. So, what's 17 yards to the Saints? It's too easy, that's what it is. Leinart's coming out? All right, it may be time to pack this one in for the half. Can Leinart even get us to the half? I don't think this Saints kicker is using the K-balls. He's reached the endzone every time. Ho-o-o-oly shit, there goes the helmet.

Haha, Cards have called a time out- they can't leave bad enough alone. I think the Jets did this in Week 4 or something and wound up going the other way. They're going to play for the FG, isn't that cute? 3 points. Rackers coming out, this aught to be fun...from 51, he missed, but the Saints called a time out right before..dumbasses...I feel another rule change coming on. He couldn't even reach this time- on a 51 yarder, indoors. Why is he even in the league? Bah, it might have helped with the backdoor cover. But, when I said it was the first seven of 80, I didn't mean 80 just for the Saints.

Good thing I'm long retired. I remember having the over 58 in a college bowl game in, like, 1993. Just like this one, they had 49 between them at the half. While I was counting the money, they started playing defense; both pitched a shutout in the second half. What a crash that was. Fat chance of that happening here, right? Let's see if they can tweak the CPU and fire up the KWM for the second half.
Fucking mook kicks off out of bounds. Saints got cute on that we go 4th and 3...ah, they chickened out...and the punt wasn't all that productive. The Saints took their foot off the Cards' neck can the Cards sh-man that cheerleader was hot... no way she was in the Would You Do...?-ow some signs. It's probably their last chance.
Flamed out. If the Saints score here- stranger things have happened- I'm probably going to tune out. A field goal; eh, I'll give Warner one more drive. More cheerleaders; FOX has its finger on the pulse of things.

Another kickoff 5 yards deep. Warner back to the underneath and short stuff- two drops, twice good pressure...Fitzgerald had it, damn, they are double covering him with the zone. Go for it you jagoffs...ahhh, oh fuck, that was shit coverage, morons...awww it's Kim Kardashian. good thing her ass-they're going to pull Warner, I think...let me finish this thought them I'm outta here- was below th- I mean, good thing the camera was at a distance; her ass would have taken up the whole screen.

Another kickoff into the endzone. If they find nitrogen in the footballs, can we get a DQ out of this. Warner's staying out and throwing more underneath stuff. That he was fighting to stay in this game has to mean that this is the last game for him. There is no way he is going to end on the bench. That the Saints are far enough ahead to take their foot off the gas means that, as long as Warner remains in, this will serve as his testimonial. What a f'n ride it was!

Rugby for fairies...2010 Divisional Saturday

Many folks call this the best NFL weekend of the year. Bokolis always used to think so. This was back when we had traditional powers. By traditional powers, I mean, back when the NFC used to kick the snot out of the AFC; 49ers, Cowboys, Skins, Giants. This decade saw the two most productive teams come from the AFC; Patriots, Steelers and, it may play out, Colts.

Back then, things seemed more predictable. During the divisional week, the team with the bye typically kicked the shit out of the visitor. These days, someone has anointed the Patriots a dynasty for going 3-1 in Super Bowls, all decided by 3 points. They didn't cover in two of them, they won as a big dog and lost as a big favorite.

Fitting then, that the divisional week has lost its predictability. The results have been all over the place. But, we do know that the P. Manning hasn't won coming off a bye and that the Cardinals won in the exact same spot last year. While not forgetting what was just written, both scenarios are getting the points.

Cardinals (+7) over SAINTS - Last week said a lot for declining momentum. Having lost their last three, the Saints stink of it. We've seen their high-powered offense and we've even seen them play the pass. But we haven't seen it in the last month. I've watched the Cardinals jump out to big leads in the last three NFC playoff games. Getting a TD, it's about time I learn my lesson.

Ravens (+6.5) over COLTS - With the Colts, it's not so much declining momentum as it is no momentum. P. Manning, like Greg Maddux, is a victim of his own consistency in that, if someone dials it up to his level or better, he never has an answer. Flacco isn't going to dial it up; I'm talking about the Ravens defense. On the surface- the Colts have bagged the last seven here- it would seem the Ravens defense hasn't matched up all well against P. Manning in recent years. But, they did this year and he was last held without a touchdown by the Ravens during the playoffs a few years back. That would indicate that, it is more an issue of the Ravens being good enough to be bothered. Winning is still going to take some doing, but the Colts, their record notwithstanding, aren't that good. I think we can land on the right side of the number.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Go figure

Bobby Flay knows we're disappointed that we can't watch the Food Network. That's presuming a lot.

The late game sure wasn't disappointing. While Bokolis favors low scoring and defense in all other sports, there is nothing like a shootout in gridiron football. It's amazing how, when offenses get in a comfort zone, defenses get thrown out of sorts and forget what defense is all about. Such defensive ineptitude leads to guys running up and down the field and memorable games. A defensive stop becomes as rare as a break of serve at Wimbledon. It makes the NFL so much more enjoyable, as all that scoring minimizes all the commie rules.

So ironic then, that the game ends on a defensive touchdown amid a couple of questionable non-calls resulting from misapplication of the commie rules.

I thought the Packers should have gone for it at the end of the first half, down 17 and on the 5 (or so) yard line with 4 seconds left. Trailing by 14 or 17 points mattered little, whereas 10 sounded do-able, even against the KWM*.

They get a pass on that for going with the onsides kick after their first score of third quarter. Jennings makes two spectacular catches, Woodson's fingertips finally make a defensive stop, the Packers pull even.

1:52 is all day for Warner; it was an average drive back in the Greatest Show on Turf days. He wouldn't need the 3 TOs. Well, the Cards got into plus territory, the approach became more pedestrian. They broke the golden rule of football: NEVER leave the game up to your kicker. I'd make the font larger if I could.

After the won the OT toss, the Packers, who had no business even being in this game, were poised to win it and send Bokolis to an unheard of 3-1 on wild card weekend. They went for the gusto right on the first play from scrimmage. Rodgers overthrew a wide open Jennings, who was gone, when he had no reason to.

Second down was made worse from a holding penalty. It was a hold. But, the ref, who I'm sure threw the holding flag, lets slide a clear, not incidental helmet-to-helmet hit on Rodgers. Given that the NFL has its panties in a bunch about protecting the QB, process of flagging the hold must have blinded him to the helmet-to-helmet. After calling a (declined) bullshit roughing the passer penalty in the 3rd quarter on Fitzgerald's touchdown, we can only hope that the cunt missed it.

The Packers picked up 15 from a dump-off underneath on the replay, but the runner left at least a few yards on the table, making 3rd and 5 a passing down. Rodgers knew he had to make a play, as punting would have led to a death march. His habit of holding on to the ball bit him in the ass. The blitzing defensive back stripped the ball and grabbed hold of Rodgers' facemask with his follow-through. If the ref missed or let slide the helmet-to-helmet, forget about getting the facemask called.

It's for the best. The NFL needs as much of the KWM as it can get. Cards-Vikings promises us another shootout.

KWM* - Kurt Warner Machine, from The Hater Nation, used without permission.

Sundays games

was on a bender, woke up late and gotta run...won't be back before 1 to speak on the early game. so, marking down that I'm going with both home teams. will fill in the spreads when I get back.

Update: Here I am muthafuckas! Here I am, just in time to change up. The bender limited the activity.

I don't know what surprised me more; that Sanchez was so good or that Palmer was so bad. What I should have realized was that, given that Revis was going to shut down 85, no other WR was going to do anything.

Ravens (+3.5) over PATRIOTS - Not that I'm so high on the Ravens, but it's time to bury these chumps, once and for all. If their legacy wins this game for them, let it be by a field goal.

Packers (-2.5) over CARDINALS - Too many hurt muthafuckas on Arizona and I've watched the other two rematches be won by the team that won the first week.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Are you ready for some...Rugby for fairies Playoffs 2009-10?!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, New Year, whateverthefuck else.

What's more fun than making bullshit-ass predictions? So, here we go with the wild card weekend.

So much for the scouting. Except for the early parts of Eagles-Cowboys and Bengals-Jets, I didn't get to watch anything last week. Hopefully, the three teams that got trounced last week used those games to scout...because they sure as hell didn't play.

BENGALS (-2.5) over Jets - I don't like this game as far as I can throw it. I've got to pick between a team on some serious declining momentum and a team that has to treat its QB like a son fresh out of rehab. Am I supposed to believe that the 9-3 version of the Bengals or the 1-3 version? I've got to balance that the Bengals have a big advantage at QB and at WR with the fact that they took last week off. I don't believe that the Bengals are good enough to put it on another (however dubious) playoff team. Of course, the spread doesn't say they have to put it on the Jets; just kick a field goal at the gun. Last week's game priced out the Jets. Even if I think the Jets can dominate the Bengals for large stretches, getting less than a field goal means they effectively have to win the game. The Jets can dominate and still fuck this up.

COWBOYS (-3.5) over Eagles - The Eagles were the trendy team until they got stomped thefuckout in Dallas last week. LT says that the Cowboys will never win anything with Romo because Romo doesn't have the balls to win. I'm pretty sure LT was liquored up when he said that...and, Romo isn't playing against LT. Hey, Romo may not yet have won a playoff game, but he has won 3 games in December and January this year, which is about 3 more than he had. The most unsettling part about this is, if the Eagles have the ball, down 11 with 1:45 left, you'd still have a sweat...bah, McNabb will fuck it up, like he will the rest of the game.