Friday, February 19, 2010

Curling, anyone?

I guess it's time Bokolis admits to watching Curling. When I'm lucky enough to be home, unless it's a live sporting event, I don't watch television at home. I think it's all pro wrestling and I'm happy to say that Bokolis has outgrown pro wrestling.

But, I cannot escape the television at the office. We mindlessly watch CNBC because, lets face it, hundreds of channels and it's still slim pickings. While I previously knew of the game, I was proper introduced to it four years ago on the last go around. We happened to have a Canadian visiting, so he taught us all the rules.

As it turns out, CNBC gets way better ratings from this than their daily drivel. Everybody in the office is glued to the TV.

Bokolis tried my best to avoid it, but the cackling and yelling sucked me in and have since been glued to it. So, WTF is the deal with curling? The biggest appeal is that it looks like anybody can do it. You're watching, thinking, I could've been in the Olympics because I can do better than these mutts.
It's not all that different than watching Wheel of Fortune. As I've explained countless times to people, they prefer putting functional retards, rather than moderately intelligent people, on there because the idiots' struggle is the big part of the appeal.

You can tell that blonde has a smokin' hot body, but, yeah, my first reaction to the US team was, how come all our broads are over 35? We've got three other soccer moms on the squad, including two heiffers.

If you think that is bad, some bird on Canada's team is 5 months pregnant. What happens if that kid throws out a roundhouse at an inopportune time?

By comparison, the Danish girls looked rather goth in those black skirts and hose. The Russians have two reasonably cute birds...and Bokolis spent enough time in strip clubs in my early 20s -middle aged friends, long story- to be totally immune to Russian broads.

We've watched both the women and men get buried. And, the American that seems to be the best (at curling) of the lot looks like she wasnts to strangle the captain because the captain ("skip") is bloody awful.

If this were gridiron football, we'd be screaming for the back-up QB go get in there and whythefuck don't they take out this putz/this heiffer. Bokolis is guessing that, so few people play this in America, that both of the skips got there because their daddies were the coach or something, now have tenure and have been playing prevent defense.

Well, enough about them. Like any other sport not invented by Americans, it needs more offense. In my half-assed attempt to change the game for the better, Bokolis will propose some rule changes to perfect the merger between run-n-gun and smashmouth.
  • Women's curling will now be a full contact sport. The men don't get to play this version. They have to play the existing rules.
  • You cannot touch the stone, but you can whack the sweepers' brooms with your broom and you can check the sweepers, so long as you don't check them into any you can't be blocked into the kicker.
  • Any bird under 30 wears poom-poom shorts. For that matter, only one broad over 30 per squad.
  • With the contact, teams are sure to field a broad that looks like nose tackle. She stays bundled up.
  • Given the above, any shot entirely within the "bullseye" gets an immediate point.
Some of the comparative minutia will be changed to speed up the game.
  • Ends>>Innings
  • fewer rocks per inning
  • shot clock
That's all the fuck I got!

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