Friday, April 23, 2010

Spring Recoiled

It was a long winter here in the Apple.

Not because it was so cold. We didn't have any more than the requisite cold snap and didn't have that body numbing deep freeze reserved for the mountains.

Almost every winter yields a week's worth of 50+ degree days. But, we didn't have so much as one the entire winter.

By about Feb 20th, Bokolis had about enough of it. I was getting a little stir crazy. So crazy, in fact, that I cancelled a planned ski trip* with some buddies. At that point, the last thing that I was going to do was to go somewhere colder than I've already been suffereing.

*- Bokolis doesn't ski, literally or figuratively.

So, I was happier tahn a muthafucka when mid-March brought spring-like weather.

All the while, I had been predicting that the birds would be exceptionally fit this year. A little background; on those blazing summer days, when all these fine-ass women are walking around with minimal clothing, so much so that you can smell the pussy in the air...we call those days LOW TIDE! Last year, Bokolis and crew were very disappointed with the step back (there was only one LOW TIDE! day) NYC women had taken with reagrds to their appearance. Early on, we knew there would be trouble, as, generally speaking, these broads came into Spring carrying excess winter weight and never quite lost it through the Summer. It was rather disappointing.

I thought this year would be a bounceback. These birds were looking good enough in their winter gear and I liked what I was seeing at the track at McCarren. But, the spring-like weather we had in mid-March proved me wrong. I quickly realized that I was using a biased sample set and cursed my luck. I mean, I must have been seeing shit, or these designers are working magic.

When the following week brought chillier weather, my joke to all was that, Spring showed up, took a look around at these broads and broke thefuck out.

The week wrapped around Easter brought summer-like weather. The joke was that Spring brought Summer for a second opinion. Towards the tail end of it, the winter cloaks were shed and we got a real look. Like a wishy-washy professor, the grade was B-/C+...Spring gave a B-, Summer gave a C+. The day after it passed, I was walking to lunch with a few co-workers. I conveyed the grades, to which the response was, "Did you see the women out here yesterday?" I replied that he's married. Pause. "Good point."

Granted, frequenting thedirty has friggin ruined me. I'm noticing minor imperfections and the words "Thunders," "shim" and "beat" are constantly flashing. We're still not looking good. Spring still isn't impressed and goes off on drinking binges every week. I fear it's going to be an ugly Summer.

At some point, it dawned on me that this drop in form coincided with the Great Strath in which we are currently muddled. This downturn has been called a Mancession because the people hardest hit have been the Wall St. set...the guys with the money. If you're half the chauvinist pig Bokolis is, you'll draw the conclusion that, as the desirable bank accounts have dwindled, these broads are using this downturn as an excuse to let themselves go.

We can't have that, ladies. We need y'all to take the lead here. Tighten up. Inspire the rest of us. Inspire the banker set to greater performance to help pull us out of this mess. Do it for your country.

Do it for LOW TIDE!

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