Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Crap footie and Halloween

So, we lost the fucking game. Granted, everybody played out of position and we started shorthanded because three lads showed up two minutes after kickoff. But, a ton of shit still had to go wrong. Two light beers and right home...a bunch of cunts we are. We wound up second. I don't necessarily like our match-up, but we'll have the later start.

Anyway, Halloween is coming. We've been blessed for this year and next, as All Hallows Eve will fall on Friday and Saturday, respectively. We'll be hard-pressed to match 2004, when Halloween last fell on a Saturday. The weather cooperated (it was about 60 in NYC that night), so the birds were costumed to their sluttly best. This year, we're looking at an evening in the 40s...long coat weather.

Apparently, Halloween is a week long experience for some. I saw a few cats in costume last night on the subway. For me, it'll the old standby; the (Burger) King. That shit doesn't get old. I can't believe that no one has pulled out a Whopper after laying out a WR...or even simulate it. It'd be totally worth the 15 yards, especially if it were TO or Randy Moss. Since Moss pretty much only runs sideline routes, you could probably have a dude standing on the sideline with an actual Whopper.

I know some birds going, as a tribute to their career "resurrection" (not that I'd know), the Spice Girls. The Posh outfit came with a half-gram.

Captain Morgan will work, too. But, I mean the actual Captain, not the bullshit stunt with the van that those shlubs pull on the TV ad. If a dude needed to match outfits to break the ice with a bird on Halloween, that muthafucka might as well stay home.

But, I'll admit that the plug-socket and bunny-carrot have the requisite sexual overtones. And, if you're weird enough to go as a plug and you actually meet a bird weird enough to go as a socket, you two were indeed made for each other.

Monday, October 27, 2008

HOW Long have I been doing this?

A year- for reasons yet to be discussed, I can't forget the day- and nobody's reading, except for, like, corporate Big Brother n'shit. Other than that, I'm still under the radar...good deal. I'd write more, but I'm busy working, playing footie and drinking. Besides, I'd rather surf for good shit. I pretend to drop some science, but it's mostly talking junk and makng a bunch of bullshit-ass predictions. To celebrate a year of the same old bullshit, Bokolis is going out with his (electronically limited) friends to get shitfaced.

Yeah, right. I'm going to play footie with me mates, then we'll go to the bar for postgame. It's the last game of the regular season and were in first place on goal difference. Even if we lost, we'd be about 50-50 to still finish first. We're playing the last-place team and we have virtually no incentive to win the game. The lads have issues arriving for earlier starts. Finishing second would get us later starts for playoff matches. But, we can't engineer our seeding because we're tonight's early game. All we could do is lose and wait on the next game, which the lads don't want to do...we're a bunch of pissed off muthafuckas when we lose.

All that means that postgame could conceivably start pregame. Unfortunately, regardless, I'll wind up something less than shitfaced.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Gunslinger?

I don't consciously read the New York Times- well I'm semi-conscious while I read, maybe. I usually have to be steered there by (my) Media Assassin (Harry Allen, I gotta ask him...) or Riese. Riese actually sends me to a lot of cool places, but they never let me in.

I typically get stuck surfing and read all types of dumb shit, like this bit of hard news. Brett Favre is suspected of dumping a bodybagged carcass into a teammate's locker, stankin' his shit all up.

Sure, killing some animal for some shits and giggles is a little fucked up. I'm not making any PETA arguments. I'm just saying...if Favre wants to pull a prank, he needs to up the ante to, say, a dead Jersey City hooker or the Jersey Devil. And not that jersey devil.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

..od dammit, maverick

I typically try to ignore people like Sarah Palin, who often cackle, but have nothing to offer. The Obama-lovin' set, who still haven't learned to not react to everything, watch with disgust and comment about her lack of substance. For myself, I had to raise a People's Eyebrow when I heard this bird talking about being a maverick.

I don't even like the Tina Fey spoofs on Palin. Mainly, it's because, unlike typical SNL spoofs, where the actor is a caricature, Fey looks far better as Palin than Palin herself does. I much prefer the Riese and Haviland portrayal, with Haviland caking on the makeup, underscoring that Palin really isn't hot and more effectively capturing Palin's cuntiness.

Come to think of it, the Rock and Obama sound a lot alike. Commence with "If you smell..." "Know your role," "It doesn't matter..." "Lay the smackdown..." and all the other catchphrases out there. It would be pretty funny, though, if Obama were to go into character and land The Rock Bottom on Palin.

This New York Times article offers the sentiments of a member of the Maverick family, from whom the word is derived, or so they claim. Naturally, she's disgusted. I didn't know that there was actually a family name behind the word, but I knew that "maverick" referred to cattle that were unbranded. This heiffer isn't fooling anyone. She's branded...and I'm not talking that Exxon tattoo on her asscheek.

I don't necessarily dislike McCain. I found him much preferrable to Dubya in 2000, when McCain was far closer to the maverick (pretend that maverick, in that case, meant someone with a spine) Palin wishes to portray. Somehow, that image didn't work, as the the soft money went toward Bush and the public soured on McCain in favor of the more congenial idiot. That's saying something about America, see below.

Conversely, this time around, McCain's campaign was dead in the water, D-O-E-N...done. He's the same guy, only 8 years older. The polling and his coffers indicated that only his loyalists supported him. Eventually Huckabee, Romney and the others fell by the wayside, the money rolled in and McCain pulled through.

The question begs to be asked: If you wouldn't choose McCain 8 years ago, why choose him now?
Of course, logic plays no part in that answer. McCain couldn't push through because he wasn't the rollover cunt. My people, I don't know whatthefuck is wrong with my people...we clamor for a strong leader, someone who isn't going to take shit from other countries or, even better, smack them around just for GP. Another part of being a strong leader is standing up to the internal enemies. I don't mean sending the ATF to roust some moonshine bootleggers peddling untaxed hooch. I mean soft money and the political donor class. The internal enemies are at least as important because, when this empire finally crumbles, it will crumble from within.

When presented with that choice, we invariably find the guy to be an asshole. So, we installed Dubya, who, either unable or unwilling to stand up to the apparatus (read: complicit), bungled us into HARCSGO. While we'd like to think we're a nation of asskickers, we're strenuously pushing toward becoming a nation of spineless cunts.

To me, it's apparent that McCain was pushed through by the same apparatus/puppeteer that has its hands shoved up Bush's ass. We've seen that Bush is a PNAC piss boy. Shall we expect more of the same from a McCain administration? Do McCain and Palin have PNAC branded on their asscheeks? Since the apparatus is so firmly installed/entrenched, will McCain even get his hands on the controls? Or, is he still rubbing the mark left by the branding iron?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Playoffs?!

Once again, what's a tournament without some wishy-washy predictions. Qualifier: I'm typing staring at a 4-2 Dodger lead...make that 5-2- Manny is sick. I had shit to do.

Brewers over Phillies in 4 - Besides Fuck the philthies, even though I think they got away with one today, I was willing to give the philthies the first game. Hamels is kind of good, but Sabathia is pitching the next three. Besides, the Brewers bungled away that game. What's that? That's why they're going to lose? Sabathia is only going game two? Fine, scratch that, philthies in 5, then.

Dodgers over Cubs in 3 - Are you kidding me? It's the Cubs. All right, 4 games, no Bartman moment necessary.

White Sox over Rays in 4 - In the Sox, I see a bunch of guys who know how to get it done. The Rays are a crew of greenhorns. I have discounted the Rays so much that, now, they are sure to reach the World Series.

Angels over Red Sox in 4 - Besides Fuck Boston, even though the Red Sox have had the Angels' number, they are not at full strength. I think they go quietly and the Angels get revenge.

Dodgers over Phillies in 5 - Besides Fuck the philthies...all right it's all about Fuck the philthies. I just think the Dodgers are better and are rounding into form.

Angels over White Sox in 6 - Isn't this also a revenge issue here? So, the Angels are settling family business. I think the White Sox will run out of steam.

Dodgers over Angels in 7 - At the critical point, K-Rod's arm, in his attempt to throw a slider, will come unhinged and accompany the ball towards home plate. Manny will hit ball and arm (and whatever else makes it to the plate) out of the yard to seal the deal. Torre gets another ring and Steinbrenner croaks.