Monday, January 11, 2016

A dress of pylon and laces

As Bokolis tells anyone and everyone when it comes up, the golden rule of football- yes, I actually say "football"- is, never leave the game up to your kicker.  Given the misleading name of the game, this may seem quite ironic.  But, when you consider the mechanics of the game, if you can run the ball and throw the ball as you see fit or as the opponent will allow, whythefuck would you resort to kicking it unless you had to?

Bokolis has been saying that shit for years.  In this case, the expected refrain, surely from some insufferable gen-Y fuckstick who was varsity soccer teammates with some kid who went on to play in college as a place kicker, making him an expert on field goals, and who happens to be sitting not far enough down the bar, is, dude, it's a 27-yarder; that's less than the new extra point.  I can kick a 27-yarder.  He made the last one from 43 and that was with the laces in.

Statistics claim it's a 98/100 deal here.  But, just like there's no such thing as a cakewalk in Brooklyn, there's no such thing as a chip shot when the game is on the line.  Even Bokolis, with some bird named van Pelt holding in an empty park, made them from 45 on the regular back in the day. When you throw in the conditions- it was so cold, this holder didn't have the nerve to try to rotate the laces out and, to boot, he cocked the ball in such a way that encouraged it to draw left- and that a kicker is involved in, what, 5% of the plays, it introduces an element of risk sufficient so that this tactic places an awful lot of faith in someone who hasn't lived the game to the degree that the other players have.

If Bokolis remembers correctly, the Vikings got (only) three points with the field position gained from Seattle's punter not handling a snap.  The Vikings should be more upset that they lost a game where the extent of the other team's offense was a big play where the ball was snapped past the QB's shoulder.

The Redskins spoiled Bokolis' perfect weekend by making the game too easy for Aaron Rodgers.  Now, it may well be that the Packers coaching staff needed two or three series to figure out how to pick apart the Skins.  Nonetheless, between DeSean Jackson dangling the ball outside the pylon- you know, that stupid muthafucka is a waste of speed...if Bokolis were that fast and that dumb, I'd be begging God to trade .10 off my 40 time for some game IQ- and the PAT hitting the upright, it kept the Packers close enough so that at 11-0, there was no panic.  At 16-0, there's no ruling out that panic may have set in, or that a Packers run would have deflated the Skins as it did.

Then again, while Bokolis sensed danger even up 11-0, by halftime, I was sure the Skins had lost.  So sure, that, at the end of the 3rd quarter, with a line of Packers -.6.5 dangling out there (score was 24-18 and the Packers had the ball going with the wind in the 4th quarter), I texted my homeboy to send it in full force on the Packers (this guy had the Steelers on the money line, so his luck was used up...especially if he did the same thing with Seattle).

So, Bokolis is in the unfamiliar position of a 4-1 wild card week.  I will now spend the week figuratively jerking off all over myself, taking breaks to figure out how to win Powerball.

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