Monday, September 8, 2008

Football it's not

Normally, I put on the Jets games so I can get some sleep on a Sunday. As I've pointed out, that shit works better than Ambien. Yesterday, that went out the window. Because I was out chasing ass until 6 in the morning, I woke up about 10 minutes before gametime and I'm stuck watching rugby for fairies. I don't understand why the rest of America insists on calling it "football." Yesterdays Jets-Dolphins game furthers the point.

At some point, Ted? Nugent, the Jets' placekicker, had gotten hurt...don't ask me how, I wasn't yet coherent and I was probably watching the Eagles. So, the Jets have to go for it on 4th and 12 from just outside the 20. No big deal, Mangini can just tell everybody that, now that he's got the gunslinger, 4th and 12 ain't shit. Favre, in the face of pressure, optimistically (and correctly, given the situation) throws it up for grabs as he's hit. The ball finds a wide open Jets receiver for a touchdown.

J-E-T-S JETS...JEtsss...what the? They're going for two?

In another context, I would applaud the move. The Dolphins were probably still scratching their heads at that touchdown; why not try to steal a point? Of course, the corporate philosopy doesn't allow for such risks. They had to go for two because no one on the team could kick the pigskin 20 yards through the uprights.

Insane. Surely, the punter can do it. Well, the punter kicked off...he looked like a black guy kicking.

Aside- yes, I'm sure that, these days, there are plenty of black people that can kick a football. I grew up in the hood. There were 1000 black guys in the projects, but none of these muthafuckas could kick a football. I had to kick the ball for them. Before 17, that's probably the main thing that spared me harrassment and ass-whuppins...after 17, none of them could whup my ass, so they became much more conciliatory.

At some point, they showed Kellen Clemens (that's not one of Roger Clemens' kids? WTF is he doing with a first name that starts with K? Gotta be a bastard son or someting) on the sideline, in regular football shoes, trying to kick the pigskin, with a hobbled Nugent trying to give pointers. Why embellish, it can't get any funnier.

It's one thing to pass up a 40-yard field goal. I've kicked 40 yarders; it's not easy, especially in a game. But, you would think that a 20 yarder should be no issue because it's harder to miss from that close. I'm reminded of when John Madden- back in his somewhat more coherent CBS days- said that two things that everyone thinks they can do is play tennis and kick field goals.

(pregnant pause) All right, maybe not so coherent.

Regardless, how can someone be around a pigskin as much as these players and not know how to kick it? How can people insist on calling this game "football" when no one knows how to kick the ball?

I fell asleep at some point (works like a charm) and woke up for the final drive. The commentators were playing up the kicking snafu as the fish, down six with a healthy kicker, were driving towards a game winning touchdown. The Jets held and Benigno was talked off the ledge. Just as well.

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