Rugby for fairies LIV at Miami

Bokolis split the conference championships- the Packers were run over, a bad bet, and the Chiefs blasted their way out of adversity.  This leaves it at 5-5 for the playoffs, with it coming down to the final game.

Chiefs (-1.5) over 49ers - Bokolis is taking somewhat of a chance posting the evening before the match.  I am leaving myself open to the dead-hooker story.  In reality, I was in at -1 a long time ago, so any dead hookers will have to say missing until Monday.

Lay people are all over the Chiefs, while players seem to be favoring the 49ers.  Anyone taking the 49ers has to be putting tremendous stock in their defense and running game.  They might also be banking on Andy Reid mucking up the playcalling like he used to, on Kyle Shanahan winning that battle.

Bokolis will be banking on that 49ers running game not being nearly as good as you think it is, on the Chiefs daring Jimmy G to beat them, and, even if everything goes wrong, on Mahomes and that offense being able to blast their way out of it.  I see this as the Chiefs having a 75% chance of winning, which should translate to more than a two-point victory- more like two touchdowns.

When I cook beef...

When Bokolis found out about Kobe Bryant's number being up- via a Yo! Did you hear what happened to Kobe? text from one of my homeboys- my response was that I feel about how Tony felt about Omar- an eerie parallel, don't you think?

All Bokolis saw was a link to the TMZ story, which, at that point, was four minutes old.  Of course, I don't believe in push notifications; my friends take care of that shit for me.  While keying in k-o-b-e, I didn't consider or speculate what it could be.

Bokolis didn't click through to the story.  I presumed he was on there with his secretary/mistress 'on business' and that it was a case of statistics catching up with him.

See, Bokolis has never thought much of Kobe.  Leaving aside his forcing a trade before he had ever played a game, I had him lined up as a cocky fuck needing to get the shit slapped out of him, and the only reason that wasn't happening is because Shaq was around.  While I'm not knocking his hustle, I can't have respect for someone who can't clear his own orbit, yet portraying the big willy.  I had even less respect when he later effectively whacked the guy under whose flag he flew (pun unintentional).  I guess Shaq could've kept himself in better shape.

Bokolis' opinion was crystallized when Kobe bought and/or was bailed out of a murky rape situation, where some bird went to the room not realizing what happens when you go to the room, and, this time, Kobe wound up having to take the pussy (and/or ass, apparently).  Moreover, I was already pretty well detached from the NBA.

So, while Kobe might have spent the rest of his days- when he wasn't yelling puši kurac in between free throws- rehabbing his image, I'd never have known.  If he turned into a genuinely good person, it's news to me.  In fact, Bokolis considered his later self-applying the nickname black mamba was his way of trolling for having gotten away with it.

So, right after the whoa!, and saying that I felt about how Tony felt about Omar, Bokolis keyed out, the black mamba is in the black land.  I somehow refrained from keying in Kobe cooked.

Of course, soon enough, the news comes out that one of his daughters was on board*.  Well, fuck, that changes things.  Then it was five people.  Damn, the devil him him hard.  Then it was nine people.  Jesus, this is a fucking mess.

*   Aside- it may have said that in the TMZ article, but Bokolis didn't open it, and was not aware until it was more widely reported.

You can look up the details of the doomed flight.  Whether you believe that the pilot was trying to please his boss, or that Kobe demanded to plow ahead is up to you.  Bokolis does not have that answer.  I do know that this guy was taking a chopper to a girls basketball game because he couldn't be bothered with sitting in LA traffic.

You may also see him as #girldad, as if trending hashtags count in the final judgement.  Bokolis would hate to think that this was karma catching up to him (or the devil coming to collect) but, if I were his accuser/victim, I would definitely be thinking that.

The sadness comes from realizing that there are grieving people left behind, and is for the people roped in with this muthafucka.  The tributes are heinous.  It is sad how we try to make kings or deities out of people.  When you're gone, goodbye, so long, farewell.  False idols, muthafuckas, false idols...this guy was just another cunt.

Suave, homes, ya dun well.

Rugby for Fairies 2019-20 Conference Championships

Bokolis, 4-4, is looking to make hay this week so as to not have it come down to the pro-wrestling clown show in two weeks.

CHIEFS (-7) over Titans - Yes, this would bust Bokolis' long-held prediction of the Chiefs not getting to the bowl, but this is not a hedge.  History has repeatedly told us that teams like the Titans- run heavy, pass light, rely on no mistakes- almost never turn this trick three weeks in a row.  Derrick Henry is a special player and could pull this off in the cold and, even if not, the Titans can still cover.  However, it was only the Chiefs' momentary offensive jitters that put them in a 24-0 hole last week.  This is something I don't expect to recur.  The Titans will have to do a lot to keep up.

Packers (+8) over 49ERS - Bokolis doesn't promise that the Packers will win this game.  But, given that I don't think enough of Garoppolo to believe that he can beat the Packers by this much without help from his defense.  I'm going to take Rodgers and his back of tricks to keep it close.

Another divisional beatdown

So, about when the Texans made it 21-0, Bokolis was thinking about the beating I was taking this week and thinking that the silver lining was that my long-held prediction that the Chiefs and the Jets would not be back to another super bowl until all the rest of the teams made it first would still hold.  To boot, the potential was there for the Texans to come off the list,which also includes the Lions, Browns and Jaguars.

Aside - since the Cleveland Browns were paused/didn't exist when Bokolis first made the statement, and the Jaguars and Texans were, respectively, a recent addition and non-existent, I would claim victory if the Lions somehow made a super bowl.

Bokolis didn't watch the Saturday games and didn't start tracking the Vikings-49ers until some point in the second quarter.  But, I knew the Vikings were sunk when, after intercepting late in the second quarter and already in field goal range, they went 3-and-out.  I also had the sense that only one of the Saturday road teams would cover, so I was resigned to 0-2 right there.  Ultimately, my hasty picks disregarded my acquired perceptions: the Titans had a proper running back and the Vikings couldn't run between the tackles.

As if Bokolis didn't already know, after the Ravens were stuffed on the first 4th and short, it confirmed what the early part of the game had made apparent:  the Ravens and their QB weren't ready for the playoffs.

That's how it goes.  Bokolis didn't feel bad because I was lukewarm on those games.  Of course, back in the old days, I would have been backing up the truck on the Chiefs, as I had the most conviction on that game.

Imagine, then, how Bokolis felt when I turned on the game- I thought it started at 3:30- and saw 14-0.  That truck was hijacked.

When the Texans botched their plan to go for it on 4th and short while leading 21-0, ultimately standing down and taking a field goal, Bokolis didn't disagree.  Piling up points as a bunker seemed the correct thing, because 21 was never going to be enough- and it's not the hindsight talking.  However, and, that's an all-caps and huge font however, taking the field goal there, only to try a fake punt- and botching that planning as well- in their own territory made no sense.  I knew they would not make it to the end right then and there, but I still wasn't sure that KC would cover the 10 (the line nudged back up to 10 by game time).  The Chiefs, who scored their first TD on a short field, were handed another short field for their second TD, which sped up the comeback.

They brought the truck back, with a little extra in it, no questions asked.

Actually, there was a red flag the whole time, as Deshaun Watson spent way too much time after plays (seemingly) schmoozing with officials and players, things that should not be on his radar.  He is not a winner.

Aaron Rodgers is a winner.  This is being keyed in on either side of halftime of the Seahawks-Packers.  Not having to worry about a running game, the Packers seem to be getting pressure the same way the Chiefs did, and Bokolis sees Russell Wilson staring at the defensive end the same way Deshaun Watson was.  So, the Seahawks are suffering much the same way.  Of course, Russell Wilson is about the only QB who can get away with this, but not without a running game.  To boot, Aaron Rodgers isn't making mistakes, making the Seahawks secondary look foolish, and the Packers are cutting through the Seahawks.

As it is, at 28-10 Packers, halfway through the third quarter, Bokolis is waiting for the Seahawks to bog down on their current drive before hitting publish, so I can get to bed.  At 28-17, I'm aggravated that I've got to hang with this, that, even if the Seahawks manage to hold the Packers AND score another touchdown, covering would come down to a 2-point conversion. The perils of results over process.

Actually, the Seahawks scored early enough that there was a little more to it than that.

The lack of a running game might seem glaring, but Russell Wilson is a running game.  What they won't tell you is that the Seahawks were done in by a lacking secondary, especially #21 and #28...and probably some dodgy replay angles.  Jimmy Graham did not get the first down at the end.  Thirty Forty years later, rulings are as dodgy as they ever were.

1-3 for this round, 4-4 for the playoffs, down the vigs.

Rugby for fairies 2019-20 Divisional Round

So, after a 3-1 wild card week, Bokolis is confronted with a couple of lukewarm Saturday matches. Then again, there is little that is more lukewarm than last Saturday's curtain jerker.

Vikings (+7) over 49ERS - Bokolis doesn't really think the Vikings will win, but I do think some combination of they have enough to keep with or cockblock the 49ers/the 49ers don't have enough to dominate the Vikings and/or the slower track will help converge performances.

RAVENS (-9.5) over Titans - Bokolis has to believe that the Titans have shot their wad.  The Titans are more equipped to hang than the Vikings, but the Ravens are better equipped to dominate.

CHIEFS (-9.5) over Texans - This is supposed to be game where the side barely squeaking by in the last round goes to the top seed and gets duly hammered.

Seahawks (+4.5) over PACKERS - From what Bokolis is told, the Packers are a soft 13-3- it allegedly includes a couple of ass-kickings- and Aaron Rodgers is making mistakes that he wasn't making in prior years. There's also something about the Seahawks road record- huh?!?  I'm not buying that the Seahawks will win, but I do believe that the Packers are not equipped to pull away.

2019-20 Rugby for fairies wildcard rehash

With what he considers to have been one and a half solid picks, a concussed QB and a luck-out, Bokolis manages a 3-1 wild card round.  While I didn't watch Saturday's games, I was texting with a group of blokes who were full of tickets and banter.  That is also connected to the Sunday update of the lines; the group was in constant uproar for every movement, which influenced me to be current.  The Seahawks actually went off at +1, but I felt a second update would've been too much.

After sleepwalking through much of that game, looking like they didn't want to win, just as they did last year, the Texans were in position to close out the fading Bills- whythefuck did the Bills go for it on 4th and 27 with all their timeouts?!?- but nearly pissed it away themselves when, scared to attempt a long-ish FG, they were stuffed on 4th down.  The QB had his Eli moment, and they pulled it out.  The betting public was nice enough to bet the game down to 2.5, so it's a cash...yaaay! dumb money.

Brady performed suitably shitty, and Derrick Henry was as good as advertised, maybe better.  As the Titans were running down the clock, some joker tried to call a pick six, to which Bokolis replied, when Brady gets the ball back?  When Brady did the deed, instead of crowing, I wrote, TaInt-ed legacy. TaInt, of course, is how Bokolis refers to what the mouth-breathers call a pick six.  It's a pain in the ass to text, even if you're not an iPhone fanboy who can't be bothered to capitalize, so, thankfully, it hasn't caught on.

Bokolis decided pretty early on that the Saints didn't want to win, and was reminded of the Saints' shitty play calling and their equally shitty run-blocking.  They had one excellent drive.  I'm starting to understand that this is likely related to there being certain throws that Brees doesn't want to make, or can't make.  It seemed that the Vikings were taking away his first option, and his response often showed his confusion.

On the other side, this kid Cook is pretty good, but he can't run between the tackles.  Keep that in your pockets for next time.  When he scored- between the tackles- to make it 20-10 Vikings, Bokolis was quick enough to key out that the Vikings were smart enough to call a draw play, which I later amended to stumbling onto the correct call, before they could rub my nose in it.  Besides, I said, he had only performed to expectations- it's just that we expected the Saints to have 30 points by then.

That was a push-off, by the way.  The Saints get hosed again.

The Seahawks were probably better, but losing Wentz rendered the Eagles non-competitive.  The Seahawks teased everyone by doing the minimum and committing a few penalties.  Nonetheless, Bokolis thinks the Seahawks playcalling was a bit better than I've seen from them in big games.  They kept themselves out of trouble and didn't have to (overly) rely on Russell Wilson pulling a play of of his ass.  I mean, it was the same 17-9 as the regular season, so discussion is done.

That's all the fuck I've got.  We go again next time.

The Waybach machine: NYF Giants at SF 49ers into rugby for fairies playoffs

To get myself in the mood for NFL playoffs, Bokolis found an old playoff game on YouTube.  In this game, the San Francisco 49ers, on their way to winning Super Bowl XIX, defeated the New York Giants 21-10.  While the Bill Belichick-led linebacker corps intercepted the legendary Joe Montana three times, and the 49ers did not score in the second half, the Giants' offense could not score a touchdown of its own.

Despite detesting the 49ers more than any other team, Bokolis loved watching games played at Candlestick park, especially playoff games, because the slow track made for some hitting.  While the Walsh 49ers were known for his revolutionary v2.1 of Paul Brown's offense, mis-labeled as the "west coast offense," it was when they had a suitably punishing defense that Walsh won his three super bowls.

In the moment, Bokolis could not appreciate, or even acknowledge, such a defense.  Even though the Giants had emerged from the dark ages, any Giants fan was already well-used to an offense pissing in the wind.  So, the Giants not getting anything done against the 49ers didn't make the latter seem like anything special.

The first drive ended in a 49ers touchdown, but left the Giants with what ifs.  A Montana pass deflected off of Roger Craig's hands and right to defensive back Bill Currier with room to run.  You can debate what would have happened, but Bokolis says Currier was gone.  Both running backs were in the pass pattern, and the only receiver, surely quicker than Currier, would've been blocked.  It would've been a matter of getting past the linemen.  Give me that play and let's see what would've happened.

Aside- The defensive backs have always been an issue on the Giants.

Dwight Clark then caught a 3rd down pass to extend the drive where he probably didn't get both feet in bounds.  On the next drive, Ronnie Lott intercepted a pass at midfield and was contacted while on the ground, but was allowed to get up and run to the Giants' 12.

It would take another two years for Phil Simms to blossom (at the super bowl played in the Rose Bowl {nudge nudge}, get it?).  Simms would often try to hang in there that little extra so that his receivers (who were never very good) would get open.  In this game, it seemed that he often waited too long, probably because his receivers couldn't get open.  It didn't get any better the next year in Chicago.

Now that Bokolis is good and ready- good and ready, yeah- fast forward to the playoffs.

TEXANS (-2.5) over Bills - In a battle of the teams that have rolled over so many times in the playoffs, Bokolis is not buying Buffalo and thinks it will go wrong for them.

Titans (+4.5) over PATRIOTS -  For a guy like Brady, Bokolis would typically have to see him fall to believe it.  But, with nothing other than Edelman around him, I've seen enough shitty play from Brady this season to believe that, short of Gronk showing up, the best he will do is pull out a close one that the other team has pissed away.

SAINTS (-7.5 -7 Sunday edit) over Vikings - Didn't the Saints cock this one up a few years ago?  They had better be playing to leave no doubt.

Seahawks (-1.5 PK Sunday edit) over EAGLES - Bokolis never quite trusts the Seahawks, as they make things harder than they should be, and have to resort to QB Wilson to pull some (jizz-stained?) magic out of Ciara's ass.  But, the Eagles have not done it against any team that is any good, QB Wentz hasn't done it with a full team, and won't have TE Ertz to help.  Ertz is solid and doesn't do stupid stuff on the field, which will be missed, even at home.

Sunday note- lines moved to Saints -7 and PK.  Winning back the hook in the Saints, especially since I would've bought it anyway, and simply needing the Seahawks to win are too much to ignore.