Monday, July 19, 2010

On the tarmac

I'm stuck on the tarmac at PHL, so I've got nothing better to do. Here goes off the phone.

As it turned out, homegirl bartender was in AC with the BF. How sweet! Nothing good to report from that night...I overdressed and got hit on by guys all night (no homo).

I went off the program on many counts, mainly because I was feeling myself. The night ended with me trying to kick it to the female cop stationed by my telly. She was pretty much a captive audience, so WTF.

The details are very hazy, so I can't say how close I came to getting thrown in the drunk tank. But the movement might still have ended in a collar for her. These three black dudes come of them on a bike. I say, in my best knockaround guy voice, watch these guys. Sure enough, the guy on the bike is a spazz, and he stumbles off the bike. A switchblade falls out of his back pocket. "OA!" exclaims the cop. "Right there!"

13 years out the hood and I can still pin out these muthafuckas. I walked right up the stairs, I think without saying good night.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Live undisclosed location on the East Coast...

Like Cheney's bunker, y'all'll have to guess. I mean two and two can be put together, but I still ain't saying. Because I forgot to bring my phone charger, I've had to come down to the car to recharge. Luckily, I have my laptop. The following is the world's gain, pre-gaming at 8PM and tipsy-inspired.

Spending a weekend in a beach town, the overarching theme is that, god...dayam, there are a lot of fat people in America. What balls on these people to waddle around looking like that, as if it's all right! I mean, Bokolis is not soccer-player skinny (despite being a soccer player, I look more like a rugger), but I look fucking good...not important though.

Well, it is semi-important because I'm about to relate some bullshit. I'm at the spot last night, working the place (I should mention that I hunt lone-wolf). I've been coming down here for years. The difference is that, this year, my trusty bartender is nowhere to be found. This is terrible, as she would keep me out of trouble.

I've previously (in the tipping post, one of my first) went though why it's important to have the bartender on your side. I hunt lone-wolf, because, quite frankly, a bartender is as good a wingman anyone could hope to have. I've had 4 good (non-bartender) wingmen (I'll call them my running partners) in my life. 4 is probably 3 more than most people...I know how to pick out quality and I'm a good guy to have around because nobody fucks around while I'm around. I've also had the need for 4 because they inevitably fall by the wayside to marriage, drugs, etc., etc.

Roping in the tangents, without my trusty bartender, I am exposed. I'm working the place, only to get accosted by a fat chic. It's a hazard of the game; Bokolis is put together and the fat broads consider me a great prize. In the ultra-long shot that I could rope in her two hot friends and under the theory that, when life throws you a lemon, you make lemonade (she wouldn't leave), I decide to engage her.

She's not quite the water buffalo in the ">Jerry Ball category (and, that's Jerry Ball from his SMU days, not the fat tub of shit that lined up for the Vikings), but she was plenty fat...but not ugly; justl like there's Irish girl cute, there's fat girl pretty.

Almost needless to say, Bokolis was not entertaining the thought of throwing her over the shoulder. But, I figured that she'd be good for warming up my game. Of course, she had different designs, but I've dealt with this before. Some breeze and a few pecks on the cheek later, she starts telling me how I'm the first white guy to whom she's ever been attracted. I immediately thought of the Nik Richie post on Amanda Bynes, where he commented that he loved how, as soon as white chics start getting fat, they automatically think they are attracted to black guys. My only reponse was that her womanly intution must have sensed that the purple crayons have nothing on Bokolis...I didn't use the term "purple crayon," but Bokolis is, at least in my head, a porn star. This bird treated herself to a feel and another peck.

Anyway, I eventually got rid of her. A quarter hour later, she was in the arms of a purple crayon. Some, somewhere along the line, some suitable talent starts working me. 21 and petite in a little black dress. Surely looking to get steamrollered. At some point, she instructs me to buy her a drink.

Many girls- girls that haven't yet graduated to bottle rat status- will chat up guys to work a free drink out of them. Of course, the money means nothing to Bokolis. I'd throw 2, 3 hundred, even a nickel on the table and proposition them, if only to remind them that they are just whoring themselves and to cut to the chase. I'm a little more chill than that and I don't think of it as paying for a drink. I'm paying for information, like calling a better hand just so you can see what the guy played.

Nonetheless, because guys should never give any woman what she wants when she asks for it, I string her along. She's a bartender (whythefuck isn't she working on Friday night?!?) in a little black dress. While I never pursue a bartender when she's working, under the theory that a salesman is the easiest person to sell because they will sell themselves, I've got this all worked out. Further boosting my cause, people actually knew her...and I engaged two of them (guy and his GF) to where they gave their implicit blessing.

This is all in the space of maybe 10 minutes...I got felt up yet again. I have the seal of approval, I'm's just a matter of closing.

But, in the end, as Joe Pesci explained in Casino, I fucked it all up. I waited too long to get her a drink, so she took it upon herself to order. She gets carded by my unfamiliar bartender because of a particular bracelet she was wearing. After an awkward moment, she asks me to order her drink. Too fucking late now, I'm thinking. She pulls out her ID to show me that she's 21 ("look! 1989!"). I looked, but, as I was about 12 drinks in, I couldn't settle my eyeballs to see shit. A bouncer quickly showed up and escorted her out. I went out there to try to work some magic, but it was only half-hearted. She was borderline hysterical and, even though the friends appreciated it even more, I knew I was sunk. It was abut 3AM, and she was too hysterical to even suggest the room party with her friends (and work the full swap), so I cut bait and headed back to port.

And, no, I didn't go looking for the fat chic. I sure hope my homegirl is working tonight...that NEVER would have happened if she was there.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Steinbrenner gone

The Boss- the one-man cult of micromanagement- is dead. D-O-E-N, done.

I'm getting "ding, dong, the witch is dead" messages left and right. Ironic, isn't it, how, while Yankees fans couldn't stand him before 1996 and non-Yankees fans couldn't stand him period, he leaves behind a world filled with Steinbrenner types.

For those for whom the end justifies the means, no victories are Pyrrhic. Suave, homes.

I thought Defecit

A lot of good shit gets kicked on Barry Ritholtz' site, but this morning's post on Deficit Chicken Hawks vs Ronald Reagan got me to thinking...the issue, not so much his words.

Anyway, why waste a good shit-talking rant on his comments?

With regard to the debt, it's not so much a question of "how do we fix it now" as much as "how does it ever get fixed."

How do we get in a positon where we can consistently run the surpluses necessary to tame the debt when a unique event drove the only surplus of the last 40 years?

Can we really become that much more productive so as to generate the revenues to pay it down? Of course we can't. Even if we could, all that extra liquidity would short-circuit the taco stand.

Can the government spend less? Those damned illegal aliens that are the real drain on our budget...or so the chain e-mails tell me. The pork and the war spending will never stop because they both feed addictions. And, even if no more goes into them, the damage is done from the bailouts.

So, who do we tell to go fuck themselves?

----Our debt holders (READ: China)? Do we sit around and wait for them to implode and then decide that we don't have to pay them? That'd be a neat trick, but might cause more problems than it solves. Maybe they'll just turn into us and spend away their credit. Ummm, leaving aside that, if they call in their markers, we've got a problem, where are they going to get the necessary crude? Yay, more war! Addiction fed.

----Our old people? Cut Social Security? Letting me opt-out of paying it? Weaning people off of it? Bahh, too easy and logical. Why not just clip them while were at it? Medicare is the real problem and people are living too long anyway. Maybe a buyout option...on their Social Security, not their lives, although paid to check out would be an interesting proposition.

----Our richer people? Pursuant to the above, let's say anyone that has made $200k/yr in any 5 years (or $100k in any 10 years) is disqualified from Social Security Benefits. Because, really, if you couldn't make that work into a nest egg, shame on do you like capitalism now?

----Our richest people? Essentially, this $13T+ debt is just the government giving away money to the richest people. It's time to give it back. I'm not talking 90% tax rates, but Gates having to fork over half his shit (fuck that charitable trust bullshit, give up the loot muthafucka) will weigh a lot less on him than it does on me when I have to fork over about a quarter of my earnings. Wait a minute...that's a quarter to Federal. State and local is another ~8%, FICA 7.65%, sales taxes, toll roads (somehow this became a separate "charge"), excise taxes. Muthafucka, I'm already forking over half my check. Woman, where's my torch and pitchfork?


The argument that it would hurt job creation will be ignored because what we call the Bush tax cuts didn't do anything for job creation. In fact, since I've been close enough to observe- which is to say, since the early '90s recession- rather than leveraging existing talent and manpower, all I've seen is companies looking to reduce headcount...and spending on technology accordingly. Granted, there aren't enough smart and driven people to go around. But, if the last 20 years have been spent trying to run leaner, from where will the necessary innovation come?

See, y'all muthafuckas fucked up the game by dumbing down this country. You couldn't build out if you wanted to because y'all're dealing with a bunch of dumbshits and each guy is a bigger dumbshit than the last (I believe the economists call that the law of diminishing returns). It's now on the government to spur growth by putting people to work to shore up the creaking infrastructure 'round this muthafucka.

But, you speak too loudly about that type of government spending and people will start throwing tea bags at your ass.

See, the lot of us were dumbed down to the point that we've come to depend on the corporation for a job. Because we can't see ourselves as the boss, we don't embrace our jobs as such, rendering ourselves limited to the table scraps, and thus are married to opposition of any policy that would upset the corporate apple cart. So, instead of fighting for policies that would employ and empower us, we fight for policies that empower our employer...all in the misguided notion that our employer will keep us around forever, in the misguided notion that depending on a private employer for work rather than on the government is somehow further up the road toward self determination.

Who do we tell to go fuck themselves? It was a rhetorical question; we've been fucking ourselves all along.

Of course, by "we," I mean y'all.

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Reign of Spain comes mainly off the Plain

I didn't get a chance to get on here to post a prediction, but the world already had that octopus. Nobody needed to hear it from Bokolis.

I was especially happy that it was Andres Iniesta who scored. He has been a personal favorite of Bokolis for a few years, despite that he plays for a club side that I don't support.

The consensus feedback from the pundits was that this was a drab, horrible Final. Such an assessment is expected, as they cater to the stupid and the marginal fan. While Bokolis would certainly agree that it wasn't pretty, I've told y'all plenty of times that pretty doesn't win. While my opinions may have the bias that comes with my preference for a physical game (I very rarely get called for fouls in real life, but it's mostly because I'm usually the strongest guy on the pitch and I am fast enough, my positioning and game reading good enough that I don't need to hack down the opposition), I think a player would appreciate what it takes to win the ball, settle yourself and create a game while people are trying to kick the shit out of's kind of like real life. It may have been the logical extension, but I was still surprised that such gifted players were making wrong decisions an the ball and were generally not as technically sound.

The hacking, diving and flopping is for another discussion.

The discussion with a buddy of mine- who picked the Dutch- was about the Iberian Heart. I explained to him what I've posited here; that Spain overcame it, so it's considered conquered. Spain won the World Cup by grinding out four 1-0 victories in the knockout stages and doing it with 8 goals for the entire tournament...what is the world coming to? They had a solid spine; tough play from two not that great center halves, great goalkeeping and the incomparable little general Iniesta in the middle.

For all the fuss about the Dutch hacking, they had it. Sneijder sprung Robben and Robben was all alone on Casillas. It was his world cup to take and he let Casillas get the better of him by making a tip of the boot save. To compound the failure, he had another chance late in regulation and was held back by Puyol. The one time he needed to dive, which surely would have gotten Puyol sent off, he chose to stay on his feet. The ref probably still should have sent off Puyol for the last-man challenge, especially considering that he sent off the Dutch player Heitinga (second yellow) for virtually the same challenge. In any event, Casillas once again got the better of him.

In the end, patience and perseverance win the day. To my Spanish friends, savor the flavor.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

World Cup 2010 Semifinals

Bokolis has had an impressive record for the knockout rounds. But, when I go down, it's usually in flames.

Aside from being married to the pick, one of the factors I thought would help Argentina against Germany was that, unlike England, Calamity James would not be in goal to help the Germans. Wrong...wrong. This Argentine mook decides to get low to contest a high ball into the box. Even though the header came in low, the fact that the keeper was low and wide contributed to not being able to keep the ball from going in off his shin.

The complexion of the game was defined by the early goal. The Argentines were now left to chase not only a goal, but the ghost of the Swamp Rat. For a while, about 50 minutes or so, it seemed like they were cooking up a goal, too. Unfortunately, Messi brought nothing to this tournament, so the goal was never going to come. At some point, it all set in and the Argentines lost both their nerve and their spirit. The Germans' second goal sprung from a pas made while the German was on his bum. That's how you knew the Argentines were done. They mailed in the rest of the game and the Germans dumped another two on them.

From the post game explanation of how the Germans did it, you found out that coaching matters.

NED over URU - Crazy how Forlan has stepped up for his country while Messi, considered a far better player, brought nothing. This is far enough for the Uruguayans. This will be a rare time when no one will be pulling for the underdog. That's what happens when you use a second goalkeeper.

GER over SPA - On the back of two dismantlings, it's hard not to fancy the Germans over the consistently unimpressive Spain. They've not gotten anything from the strikers, needing David Villa to bail them out. One of Bokolis' own pundits explains that Spain do not utilize Torres because, as a classic striker, he doesn't fit the style they play. To get off, Torres will have to repeat his Euro 2008 FInal performance, outpacing someone to the ball and poking home. Spain will really neeed that...if that was all they could muster against a not-as-good German team, it doesn't look good for this outfit.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Are you ready for some...more QF?!

As Bokolis types, I still haven't seen that mongoloid piss away the PK. Having only caught the first half, I've been on the road for the last 8 hours. I had to listen to the rest of the game on the spanish radio station. Apparently, from the aye-yaye-yayes of the announcer, Ghana should have scored about five goals during extra time.

Muntari's goal was a wicked cracker, but the Ghanians' luck finally ran out. Uruguay, with at least two key players missing in the semi-final, are living on borrowed time and the Netherlands have a clear path to the Final.

As part of my sleep when you're dead philosophy, I'm about to head out for some trouble. In case I don't make it back, here is your Saturday serving of possibly flawed analysis and bullshit-ass predictions.

ARG over GER - It turns out that the Germans are a little better than I expected. Ballack getting hurt was the proverbial blessing in disguise, as he would have slowed the squad down. As it is, Germany have the requisite strike force to cope with Argentina's stable.

One of the gripes I've always had about Argentina is that, while they consistently crush inferior opposition, when they play an equally powerful side, they don't often enough bring their best. This could possibly be that, post-Batistuta in his prime, they've lacked the necessary strikers. They now have them and should be able to find as many goals as they need against Germany, who, as was lost amidst the controversy surrounding the game with England, quickly coughed up a two goal lead.

SPA over PAR - Like everybody else, I want to see that bird streak. Or, I just want to win my pool. The Spain side are having their own issues with strikers. Torres has been shyte (which is good because he'll be forced to stay at Liverpool), but David Villa has picked up the slack. Merely more of the same would still be enough to see off Paraguay. I mean, really, if they couldn't score against Japan- Japan's spirited defense notwithstanding- how will they score when they have to withstand real pressure?

Friday, July 2, 2010

Are you ready for some...WC 2010 QF#2

Bokolis is proud of having the guts to pick the Netherlands to clip Brazil. I had my doubts and, literally a minute after I clicked publish, Brazil carved up the Dutch defense and scored. Just like I feared, I was thinking. But, the Dutch, while being dominated in the first half, rode out the storm and went to the dressig room off their best movement of the half.

They returned with more to offer. As it never fails, if you force Brazil to play defense, they lose structure. The Dutch had halted Brazil's momentum, but certainly didn't have the momentum at the time of the equalizer. Felipe Melo, the only non-stud on Brazil's back line, got in his 'keeper's way and flicked past Julio Cesar's attempt at a punch.

That picture belongs to Reuters...please don't hurt me.

This shook up the Brazilians and paved the way for the winner. Kuyt, pretty much useless for skill but a tireless worker, flicked on the corner, which Sneijder headed home for the winner. By then, the Brazilians had clearly lost their concentration and were further punished when Melo was sent off for kind of stomping Arjen Robben. It was more over-exuberance than malice and a little harsh from the referee, but it was also on the back of two leg clips...that's what happens when you play like that.

The Jackie Chan lookalike referee didn't do the Brazilians any favors and they repeatedly took issue. The Dutch capitalized on this and baited the Brazilians into numerous fouls. However, Chan must have developed a fondless for van Bommel, as Chan let him slide for cynical foul after cynical foul.

But the main reason Brazil lost is because they didn't have a worthy striker and Kaka is not what he used to be. There was a play, late, when, after getting a fortunate bounce, he was walking in on the keeper. He let himself be closed down and his shot was blocked. The top-form Kaka finishes or provides there.

URU over GHA - There is no sound reason why Ghana should win this game. They've looked shyte all tournament and, even though they were able to control the midfield for the entire first half, scored two flukish goals against the US. A more concentrated Uruguay defense should effectively bottle up the Ghanians and their strike force should have enough to close the ledger on Africa.

Is this where it gets good?

This is a little into the match, but I work a lot. WTF ya gonna do

NED over BRA - Having picked Holland to reach the final, I'm married to them. They can match Brazil for skill and I don't believe that Fabiano is a worthy striker and I think Kaka is...not washed up, but off from his highs. I'm banking that the Dutch will find a way (two ways, actually) through the Brazilian defense, which, for all the myth of jogo bonito, is its relative strength. In any event, it should be quite the kickaround.