Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Every Week should be Browns v Lions

The Hater Nation- always get a kick out of the SoCal boys giving the Northeasterners shit; y'all had us at the weather and you've kept the hot birds and sent the average ones east- may have stumbled onto brilliance in suggesting that the Browns and Lions, on the heels of that barnburner, play for the number one draft pick on the Sunday before the Super Bowl.

I'm assuming the winner gets the pick. Of course, with two wins, the Lions would be out of this year's running, as Cleveland, Tampa Bay and St. Louis all currently have one apiece.

One hurdle is that, if this is a neutral (Super Bowl) site deal, who would show up? If it works out that no one shows up for this year's Pro-Bowl, they might consider a double-header. Even better, because no one should have to sit through 6 or 7 hours of low-level rugby for fairies- with the talent pool trained, we don't need a full sixty of an all-star game and we certainly don't need a full sixty of 2-14 or 1-15 teams- ratchet up the intensity by making both games 30 minutes.

Getting a television audience should not be an issue, as Americans fiend for the gridiron version and go through withdrawal during the lag. We'll leave it to the marketing folks as to how to fill the joint.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Dog gone; son of a...

For some reason, my Yahoo page gives me Atlanta news. I see an AJC link that the University of Georgia bulldog mascot died of a heart attack. I thought it strange to see a juxtaposition of "dog" and "heart attack" and everybody loves a good train wreck, so I had to read it.

Not having gone to a D-1 school, Bokolis doesn't get the fuss over college sports. I suppose people romanticize over their alma mater for the same reason birds love Mexican/beach-themed bars; it brings them back to their younger, care-free days. In the case of the birds, it reminds them of the time(s) they got their brains fucked out in Cancun. Regardless, I'll bet there's 24-hour coverage of this down in Athens.

" 'We had no warning whatsoever.'...In fact, Uga VII had just been given a clean bill of health from the UGA vet school a week earlier." That the dog was a fat fuck wasn't a tip off, huh?

Now, Bokolis is a pragmatic guy and, conceding that they HAVE to have a mascot, I think about how they will proceed.

"Uga VII's sudden passing causes a predicament. There will be no time to find his replacement before Saturday's home game against Kentucky. So the Bulldogs will have to play without a bulldog." Apparently, they don't have junkyards in Georgia. But, I think the bulldog held on field goals.

It get's better; they have to have a blood relative as a stand-in. "...plan to have an interim dog in place for the Georgia Tech game...a thorough search of Uga VII's extensive brood of heirs will commence as soon as possible." Thankfully, they won't have to do this when qEII passes on. Queen Anne is shit-out of luck.

"Georgia has played under interim mascots before...Otto was called to fill in for his younger brother Uga IV, who had injured a hind knee jumping off a hotel bed." Uga IV was listed on the injury report, too. No doubt, this was after a romp with some fine-ass bitch. He must have taken license in the war story, saying that he blew out his knee while humping. Like Drew Bledsoe in the AFC Championship game, it was big of Otto to step up after being passed over.

"The mascots are interred in a mausoleum...in...Sanford Stadium. Georgia is the only university in the nation to bury its mascots within the confines of its stadium." Well, as long as we're treating the dogs like royalty, why not? But, wherethefuck does Notre Dame bury its leprechauns? They have a touchdown Jesus. It's not out of the realm that they'd do some shit like this. At least Georgia completes the cycle of lunacy. Bokolis was planning a Bucket List-type cremation and stash at 20,000 feet, but it's likely that I'll wind up as worm food like most.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

It's ya boy Bangs

So I got friends that, not unlike half the blogging public, spend all their time searching for stupid shit on Youtube.  They found this guy.  The guy is from Sudan and has apparently recently moved to Melbourne (Australia, not Florida).  Without commenting on his flow or the audio and video production, if this is not some Borat-type put on, guaranteed this muthafucka winds up with a major before too long.  He may wind up with a major regardless.  If Juvenile can get a deal, anybody can.  Bokolis will do his little part; but his flow speaks for itself, doesn't it?  The album drops Dec. 4.  Make sure you pick that up.

Maybe he can take Liz to the movies.  Bokolis will be jealous.

Liz, call me!

As the world has been digesting this, Bokolis has let it marinate. Meet Elizabeth Lambert...looking like JACK Lambert (Jack Lambert does have a daughter named Elizabeth...just a coincidence) and showing Kassidy Shumway and Carlee Payne who is boss. Lambert is close to Laimbeer, no? Bokolis is smitten.

I could use a bird like this on my co-ed squad. I've already got a butcher, but this one makes mine look like Lady Byng. Like Maldini, I'm a left back carrying on as a center back/libero. If I had two butchers at the back, I could get back out on the wing instead of pretending to be Baresi.

Anyone who has ever played sports with birds knows that, unlike the guys, who know the unspoken code to not bring outside stress to the pitch and are there to get away from it, birds take their issues to the pitch and out on whomever is there.

Not wholly unlike the tobacco companies running anti-smoking ads, the self-proclaimed "world wide leader" glorifies this behavior by airing it (including two slo-mo shots of the hair pull). None of us need to be reminded that this behavior is unacceptable, but we've now seen that at least one player pretty much got away with it for 90 minutes (suspension? well, the season's over, isn't it?)...and ESPN got a cheap pop out of it.

Disregarding the cheap shots, Lambert committed at least two red card offenses during play. That the referee let those go no doubt spurred her on. The booking, which came late, was for a comparatively light offense.

Not that I'd feel sorry for either of the BYU birds. Shumway didn't forget to embellish on that hair pull; it surely had Drogba practicing in the mirror. Whether the referee sanctioned Lambert is not relevant; they baited her, so they have to accept the reaction. I imagine Shumway is going GI Jane for the rest of BYU's season.

If they let the kid from Oregon come back for a post-game sucker-punch and subsequent tirade, they can let Liz here come back for some in-game antics.

And, certainly not least, if this bird is so rough in a football match, imagine what a tiger she must be in the bedroom (and all over the house, for that matter). Liz, if you're ever in the Apple, you know ;-/

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Vicious Cyclist

On the day the Apple will re-elect a carpetbagging cunt from Boston, Bokolis figures he'll talk about one of the fruits of his labor. The ubiquity of bicyclists has been brought about by the Mayor's continuing efforts to emasculate the city and create more traffic in places where there wasn't enough of it.

The cafe-style seating by Herald Square and by 14th and 9th is bad enough. but, we've now got bike lanes all over the city, even on side streets. Just about every street south of 14th has one.

Given such impetus, the cyclists have their cunts up in the air. They don't follow the rules of the road, they drive in your blind spots, think you're supposed to see them and have the balls to talk shit on top of it. I tell them- cause these muthafuckas gotta learn- when the train's coming, get the fuck off the tracks.

Tangent alert!
Global warning and greenhouse gases be damned, Bokolis drives just about everywhere. While I have no problem running the equivalent of a few miles on a soccer pitch or 15 or so miles on the exercise bike, walking 3 blocks to my destination is out of the question. Even when hopping around in the city, unless the prospect of finding parking is so daunting, I will drive to the next stopoff. These 20-something birds look at me like I'm the type of guy who would kick their puppy...with that air of, damn, I might have liked this guy, but that is such a dick move. I don't explain myself because I don't give a fuck. Once you start reacting to birds you're done being a man. It's all good, though, because birds like that don't shave their box (what about those greenhouse gases, right?), meaning they were never in play.
/tangent alert

Most people would bemoan the lack of a legislation reining in these jagoffs; not Bokolis. The last thing Bokolis wants is more rules. I might just be pissed because I can't hammer down in the city like I'm used to.

That extends to enforcement of such rules, even for these muthafuckas. So, I was disgusted when I got an e-mail this morning (from the same homeboy...it may seem that Bokolis only has one friend...as I've explained, I keep them electronically limited...just one friend with my work e-mail) that a friend of mine was ticketed for running a red light while on her way to work...on her bicycle.

Boy, those are some desperate cops. With all the shit going on in Brooklyn, is this what they're enforcing? For taking a bite out of the working man's ass, they should be embarrassed. Williamsburg has already got Skid Row written all over its future. Perhaps they'd like that neighborhood (not Williamsburg) to go back to the way it was, when thugs, thugs who had no problem clipping one of them, rolled chumps in the streets.

She should have never handed over ID. I've always felt that, most of the times a cop gives you a ticket, you've been hustled. This is no exception. That would drive me crazy. I definitely would have gotten into a confrontation because I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.

Aside- Now, you may use one of those PBA cards that your cop friends give you. Using one of those would go against a lot of Bokolis' principles. Besides, as I used to tell my cop friends (back when I had them) when they'd offer a card, they don't want me telling other cops that I know them. I'm a true friend.

But, as it was said in a bad movie, there's no such thing as a cake walk in Brooklyn. In this case, it's one more reason not to bike.

Not so cut and dried

Same homeboy from previous posts, e-mailing me about having conflicting feelings on who should win. He now would prefer that the philthies win because he won't have to hear it from their fans like he would from Yankees fans.

He was offered a ticket (at face value) to Game 6. He asked for advice on what he should do with it. I told him either go or pass. Then we got into the series. Here's most of what I mustered, left clean for Corporate Big Brother's filters.

The best result would be for the Yankees to get shut down by Petey. They would be soiling themselves with angst at the prospect of a Game 7.

For me, the indignity of a city with a severe second-city complex putting one over on NY far outweighs the fallout from a Yankee victory.

They really messed up by starting Burnett yesterday. I could tell from the first pitch that he didn't have it. I was 100% sure after the first batter.

We didn't discuss it, but I was an advocate of starting Gaudin over lining up Burnett, Pettitte and CC to go on short rest. Punting the game would have been a more viable option, especially with a soft bottom of the order. The only issue with Gaudin would have been if he would have been knocked out so early so as to tax the bullpen. With a day off, that wouldn't have mattered and, as it turned out, he couldn't have done worse than Burnett. Knowing that he would only have to go 4 or 5 innings, I'm sure Gaudin would have done no worse than 3-run ball. That 3-run ball might have won them the game is beside the point.

They'll make the argument that, as it turned out, they had the tying run up twice...yeah, after being down by 6 going into the 8th. That's like being down 4-0, scoring 1 in the 88th, two more in stoppage time, have time for one more long ball from your own end with the keeper in the box, having it cleared out, the final whistle blowing with your opponent running toward your empty goal, and telling me you had a chance to salvage a draw.

On short rest, it's no guarantee that Pettitte's stuff will be any better than last time. The question is, will Pedro's smoke-and-mirror act work twice? As it is now, if they lose again tomorrow, they'll be saying, we got CC in Game 7, but, inside they'll be nervous. They'll be $h!tting bricks when, down by two in the B8 of Game 7, they see Cliff Lee on the mound for to get the last 6 outs.